Divorce
by livsgirl
Summary: As the saying goes all good things must come to an end.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: As you all know I use this site as an outlet to what I deal with on a daily basis. After plenty of alcohol and enough sappy ass romance movies to last a life time on the Hallmark channel coupled with a reminder of what would be my anniversery you have the divorce of our two favorite ladies. Please don't hate me. You know I have to shake the boat sometimes. **

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Olivia walked in and looked around the office. Leave it to Alex to find one of the most expensive firms in the city. This is what she wanted and she was willing to give her anything no matter the cost. This was a prime example that was tearing her apart piece by piece.

"Can I help you ma'am" The young blonde receptionist asked looking up at her.

"Yes I have a ten o'clock appointment with Alexandra Cabot" Olivia informed her.

"Yes ma'am if you will follow me I will show you to the conference room." She said standing.

Olivia quietly followed the young woman down the hall while taking a look around. Every where she looked screamed money and plenty of it. She could imagine how much it cost to retain this firm and again like so many times before she wondered why Alex had retained them. She wasn't going to argue or fight with the attorney. Whatever she wanted was hers no questions asked.

"Ms. Benson is here" the receptionist said pulling Olivia from her thoughts.

"Thank you" A tall muscular man said as he stood, Alex by his side. "Please come in and have a seat Ms. Benson. Do you know how long it will be before your counsel arrives."

"They won't be coming." Olivia said catching the glare of Alex

"Ma'am this is a litigation to dissolve the marriage of yourself and Ms. Cabot you need your counsel present."

"I don't have counsel and I don't need counsel." Olivia growled as she fought to keep her emotions under control.

"Very well" He said as he began talking. "We have called this meeting to dissolve the union of yourself and Ms. Cabot. Of your own free will you are waiving counsel."

"This is a civil matter not a damn criminal matter" Olivia spat out "I don't need a damn attorney. Can we move this along please?"

"Yes" he said opening a folder in front of him as Alex did the same as he pushed what was apparently her copy as well. "if you please open the folder so we can go over what Ms. Cabot is requesting."

Olivia looked from the man to Alex. Was he serious better yet was she serious. She had told her the night she told her she wanted a divorce that if she named what she wanted she could have it. The only thing that Olivia was requesting was her personal items and nothing else. Hell in all honesty what she walked out of the apartment was everything that pertained to the department and her career, nothing else. When Alex had asked her when had she planned to come and get the rest of her belongings she had informed her that they were hers and she could do with what she wished. She had what she needed and wanted. Then she was served in the most embarrassing way.

"_Damn it El we had to miss something" Olivia almost shouted at her partner "How can we have three victims and nothing tying them together. Did they buy a lottery ticket had the same gas station years apart."_

"_Liv I'm telling you there is nothing" Elliot responded while raising an eyebrow at her. For the past two weeks she had been acting funny. Whenever he mentioned about cutting out early maybe meeting Alex for a nice dinner she would decline stating that Alex had a late meeting or there was something for her to follow up on. _

"_Damn it" She said again as she snapped the pencil in her hand_

"_Detective Olivia Benson" A young man said from behind her_

"_Yes" She said stepping forward "Can I help you?"_

"_You've been served" he said as he handed her a folded blue piece of paper._

_She took the paper from him and glanced at Elliot with a curious look on her face. He shrugged his shoulders not knowing what it could be. As far as they both knew they had already received their subpoenas for all up coming trials. She slowly opened the paper and felt the blood drain from her face. She fought long and hard to keep her emotions under control and not lose it in front of everyone. _

"_I hate it when I receive subpoenas for a case that's years old." She finally said once she was sure she could talk without losing it.,_

"_Yeah its rough" Elliot said recognizing the papers having been on the receiving end himself once before "Especially one that goes as far back as that case."_

"The penthouse located on upper Manhattan Street" The man continued to rattle off.

"I'm sorry sir" Olivia said interrupting him "I guess I zoned out did you say the penthouse?"

"Figures" Alex muttered to herself but loud enough for Olivia to hear.

"Yes Ms. Cabot is asking for the penthouse on Upper Manhattan Street."

"Alex why would I want that?" Olivia asked as she chanced a look at her "That had been in your family for years."

"Just in case." Alex said looking away. In truth she hadn't put that in there but the firm she had hired insisted that they name everything to keep Olivia from going back at a later date and trying to lay claim to something. She was adamant that Olivia would never do that but they were just as adamant that divorce did bring out the worse in people.

"Look sir" Olivia said looking at Alex and then back at the attorney "We can make this really quick and very painful. If you can just show me where to sign so I can sign and be on my way I would appreciate it."

"Ms. Benson we need to go over everything in case you dispute anything in the settlement."

"Let me make it easy for you" Olivia said as she flipped the pages trying to find the spot where she was suppose to sign "I left with everything I wanted the night she asked me for a divorce and asked me to leave. I have no need or desire to take anything from her. She can have everything. So please just show me where to sign."

"Jesus Olivia" Alex said "These are legal document that will be impossible to change once they are filled with the courts would you please take the time and read what's in there in case there is something you dispute."

"I would say I dispute the divorce but I guess that doesn't do me any good now does it?" Olivia asked almost sneering at Alex.

"No it doesn't" Alex said matching Olivia's glare and tone. She knew the detective only lashed out like she just had when she was hurt.

"Then where do I sign Alex?" Olivia asked "Just show me the line and we are done."

"Ma'am" the attorney started to say but was stopped when Alex placed a perfectly manicured hand on his arm

"Believe me when I say it will be easier and a hell of a lot quicker if you just show her where to sign." Alex informed him.

"Very well" he said flipping all their books to the same page "I will need both of your signatures in several areas here being the first."

Olivia leaned over the table and quickly signed her name pulling back quickly to allow Alex room to sign her name in the spots indicated by the attorney. This continued on for a few more minutes when the attorney finally closed all three books and smiled.

"Ladies I will file this with the courts and your marriage should be dissolved within sixty days. Do you have any questions?"

"Am I free to leave?" Olivia asked as she stood and jerked her leather jacket off the back of the chair.

"Yes here is your copy." He said as he handed her a blue bound book.

"I don't need it" Olivia said over her shoulder as she headed for the door "Give it to her."

"Is she always this difficult?" He asked looking from the detective to the attorney.

"You have no clue" Alex said with a small smile on her face "Thank you so much if you need anything else from me please call me. I need to be leaving as well."

"Olivia OLIVIA wait " Alex called as she ran to catch up to the attorney.

Olivia took a deep breath and looked to the sky. There was no doubt in her mind the lord hated her today. She was rammed both her hands into her leather jacket as she spun on her heels.

"What do need Alex?" Olivia asked hoping to make this quick.

"Was all that necessary?" Alex asked as she indicated toward the building

"I don't know you tell me" Olivia said "You were the one that went and hired the damn firm. I took what I wanted the night you told me it was over."

"I was only wanting this divorce to be fair."

"FAIR" Olivia shouted "FAIR since when is divorce fair. Since when is me coming home looking forward to seeing my wife only to be told she had enough and she wanted a divorce is fair. That you were tired of waiting and pacing the floors for me. That my job took more from you emotionally than what you could handle is fair."

"It wasn't it." Alex said looking to the ground.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell at you." Olivia said trying her hardest to reign her temper in "It's ok, umm look if anyone asks I'll be the bad guy. I left you wanting more and wasn't there when you needed me to be. I was emotional distant and withdrawn when I was home. You may not believe it but I do wish you the best. I hope you find someone who loves you and can be there for you like you deserve."

"Olivia"

"Don't" Olivia whispered as she placed her fingers on Alex's lips "What's that saying all good things must come to an end. We had our run and it was a hell of a run. Now it has ended. If you need anything anything at all you know where to reach me."

"Thank you" Alex whispered.

"You're welcome" Olivia said as she leaned forward and placed one last gentle kiss on Alex's lips. "I love you Alexandra Cabot. I have since the day you walked into the precinct and will till the day they lay me in the ground. Please don't ever forget that."

"I won't. Take care of yourself detective." Alex whispered so low that no one heard her as she watched Olivia walk away from her for the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

"No what I'm saying" Olivia said as they walked to the café "There is always more to the story. Victims tend to leave out some crucial information because they are afraid of being judged."

"What if that person doesn't want to share?" Rollins asked "How do you find the information out?"

"Then" Olivia started to say but stopped when she heard the laughter that she would know anywhere. It was the laughter that had haunted her dreams night after night since that fateful day seven years before. She looked around and felt her heart leap into her throat.

No more than three feet in front of her was Alexandra Cabot, the very woman she had avoided since the divorce, carrying a young girl on her shoulders that was nothing more but a younger version of herself. The happiness seemed to radiate off her and the smile she had lit up her whole face. To Olivia she was as beautiful now as she was the day she met her.

"Liv Liv are you ok?" Rollins asked noticing how the color seemed to drain from face.

"Yeah I'm sorry guess I zoned out for a second." Olivia said shaking herself internally "You know I don't care that much about the food here. There's another place just a block back that is so much better, would you rather eat there?"

Rollins looked around and tried to spot what it was that seemed to spook the seasoned detective. In the almost two years they had worked together she had never once seen Olivia scared or gun shy. Even on the heartbreaking case where she discovered the missing boy that she had been looking for for thirteen years she didn't have this look. Not finding anything but knowing that Olivia had good judgment she quickly agreed.

"Olivia?" Alex called out spotting the detective as she turned to walk away.

"Shit" Olivia muttered to herself as she closed her eyes and steeled herself for the moment she had dreaded since she signed the divorce paperwork.

"Alex" Olivia said pasting a smile on her face as she turned around "I didn't see you there. How have you been?"

"I've been good." She said as she helped the little girl off her shoulders and handed her to a brown haired woman "And you?"

"Been doing good, uh, I'm still with SVU." Olivia felt the urge to add.

"Please Olivia you will be there till you retire you and I both know that." Alex said with laughter. "Where's Elliot."

"Well Elliot retired about two years ago and seems to love every second of it."

"Wow I'm sorry I know how close you guys were." Alex said as she pulled Olivia into a tight hug. How many nights had she dreamed of running into Olivia just to hold her again, to feel the safety and love that she seemed to only feel with Olivia, a feeling that was a moot point now "Let me introduce you to my family."

"Sure" Olivia said as she turned to Rollins and spoke volumes with her eyes "Honey come here there's someone I want you to meet."

Rollins smiled as she walked up to Olivia and slid her hand into her open waiting hand. They had portrayed a couple before but that was for a case. Rollins could tell that this was personal and something that Olivia needed her to do. She gave a slight squeeze of Olivia's hand to let her know she was game.

"Alex I want you to meet Amanda Rollins." Olivia said as she returned the squeeze silently thanking her for what she was doing "She transferred to NYPD from Atlanta and we have been dating for close to two years. Amanda this is Alex Cabot."

"You always did have a thing for blondes." Alex said as she extended her hand to Amanda "Amanda it's a pleasure to meet you.'

"Likewise." Amanda said taking her hand and shaking it.

"Olivia Amanda I would like you to meet my wife, Christine and our daughter Madison." Alex said pulling the dark haired woman to her and picking up the little girl "Guys I would like you to meet Detective Olivia Benson and Amanda."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Christine said as she shook each woman's hand

"What else has been going on with you?" Olivia asked even though she knew every accomplishment that Alex had achieved since the divorce.

"It's been really good I was Bureau Chief for a while and was transferred back to SVU for a few months when Graylik was called back to the justice department. You weren't there where were you?"

"The FBI and Marshalls asked me to go undercover and assist them with a human trafficking case. I was with them for probably close to six months." Olivia informed her. Olivia didn't lie to her it was only a half truth. She had worked with the FBI and Marshalls but she had gone to them. She had gotten word that Alex was being reassigned to them. Even though at that moment it had been five years since the divorce she still couldn't face the blonde.

"When I asked Elliot he said he didn't know I figured he was keeping us separated."

"For once he wasn't" Again half lie "I literally had less than twenty four hours notice to decide and get moved into my identity. You know when it comes to that I don't think twice."

"You never did." Alex said remembering the many times that she would answer their door and Elliot stood there with a look on his face. How he would inform her that she had went undercover the second they asked when it pertained to children. She never really complained but had always wished that she had at least called and informed her not sent Elliot.

"Yeah when I made it back they said you went to Africa?"

"Yeah I had worked a case that shook me probably worse than the Cavanaugh case did. I joined what's called the International Criminal Court or ICC. They prosecute sex crimes in countries that use rape as a means of control."

"The international version of us "Olivia said laughing.

"Yeah guess you could say that." Alex said laughing as well. "What about you? Other than going undercover for the Marshalls or FBI what else have you been up too?"

"Since I am now senior detective in the squad, Munch transferred to cold case after a case really hit us hard back before thanksgiving, I have been privileged to not only work with and training a bunch of rookies.."

"Hey now." Amanda said as she playfully punched at Olivia.

"Honey you know you're excluded from that." Olivia whispered as she pulled Amanda close to her and kissed her on the temple

"Anyways as I was saying not only am I working with and training bunch of SVU rookies but I have been sent to Quantico numerous times for extensive training and sent to different Sex crimes conferences that is held nationwide."

"Guess you now do what Elliot used to do then."

"I do."

"Ladies I hate to interrupt" Christine said stepping forward 'But our table is ready. Would you ladies like to join us?"

"We would love too" Amanda said but knew that it was the last thing that Olivia wanted to do so she pulled her phone from her pocket and acted as if she was answering a text "But we just received a page for a case. We need to head back."

"Guess something's never change" Alex said wishing she could count on one hand how many dates were interrupted by her being called out.

"No they don't" Olivia said as she leaned forward and quickly hugged Alex "It was great to see you again. Congratulations on your family and we need to get together and catch up sometime."

"So dear want to fill me in on everything?" Amanda asked as they headed back in the direction they had came from.

"That is Alexandra Cabot my ex-wife." Olivia said fighting the tears that threatened to fall. "We meet when she was our ADA years ago. We fell in love almost instantly and seemed to have the picture perfect marriage and relationship until I came home one night and she asked me for a divorce."

"It's apparent that you still love her." Amanda said softly placing a hand on Olivia's arm to stop her once they were out of sight "What happened?"

"You know the same old story" Olivia said pulling her coat tighter against her "The job takes so much from you personally and professionally. When I got home I couldn't be the woman she needed and she finally had enough. We did what was best and divorced."

"Best for who you or her?" Amanda asked

"Her" Olivia said knowing that honesty was the best approach and the very least that Amanda deserved after all she had just played her girlfriend "She's happy that makes everything worth it."

"Meanwhile you suffer."

"The price we pay." Olivia said as she turned and started walking again "Listen thank you for just following along with everything. I can't repay you enough. If we ever run into her again we'll just tell her we broke up."

"What is the reason?" Amanda asked

"Job took too much again." Olivia said knowing that the was the oldest reason in the books for officers.

"No I think I will be the bitch on this one." Amanda said placing her hand on Olivia's shoulder "You don't always have to be the bad guy."

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**A/N: I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed this. You guys are awesome I truly thought this story wouldn't take. After all I did separate our two favorite women. I know everyone wanted this chapter to be about them rediscovering themselves and their love for one another but let's face it real life doesn't happen that way. The only thing that is real is that in a divorce one person still loves the other while that one has moved on.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I actually had no intentions of continuing this fic and ending it where I ended it. I didn't realize that I hadn't marked it as complete either. Which is a good thing because PeterPeter along with a few others convinced me to continue it and get our two favorite ladies back together. Before you start to read you will find our ladies some what out of character. I only ask that you bear with me and allow me a chance to redeem myself. **

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It had been almost three years since Olivia had ran into Alex at the café and she had worked twice as hard to avoid that ever happening again. Most people in her shoes would have truly moved on and found someone else but how do you do that when you know she's the one. She couldn't help but laugh to herself when she remembered what a friend had told her at one time. Everyone out there has a soul mate. For whatever reason not all soul mates could be together in this lifetime. As much as Olivia hated that statement that had came from Rebecca as time moved on she understood it more and more. Alex was her soul mate there was no doubt about that in her mind.

"Bartender can I get another and make it a double shot." Olivia shouted over the crowd. She was never one to turn to alcohol thanks to her child hood but every now and then like anyone else she needed to drown her memories. Every year for the last fourteen years on the same day she attempted to drown every memory she had of Alex.

It wasn't that she hadn't tried to move on because lord knew she had tried. She had dated various women and when the urge hit as ashamed as she was she had anonymous sex. She learned that it was easier after she had broken that one girl's heart. It had hurt her more than she let on because she knew what it was like to be in love with someone and not have the feeling returned. Not only that but how do you give your heart to someone when it already belongs to another.

"Make it two." A voice said from beside her.

Olivia closed her eyes and prayed to god that she had had too much to drink that was why she was hearing Alex's voice next to her. Downing her shot in one quick burning gulp she slammed the glass on the bar and turned to her right where she had heard the voice that still sent her heart into overdrive.

"Alex how are you?" Olivia said as calmly as she could.

"Apparently better than you are." Alex stated taking the shot and grimacing as it burned her throat. "You only drink doubles when its really bad."

"Well you know how it is from time to time." Olivia said slowly standing and grabbing the bar for support when everything started to spin around her.

"Here let me help you." Alex said as she reached out to grab Olivia but quickly pulled back like she was struck when Olivia recoiled from her touch.

"I have it thanks." Olivia muttered as she pushed her way through the crowd toward the restroom. She silently thanked the lord above, as cruel as he seemed to be at the moment, that the restroom was empty as she stumbled over to the sink.

She stared at herself in the mirror before pulling back and breaking it with her fist. She couldn't stand to look at herself anymore not to mention the pain helped her focus. She turned the faucet on and allowed the cold water to run over her bloody knuckles watching the blood swirl down the drain before splashing some on her face. She was so engrossed in what she was doing that she paid no attention to her surroundings.

"Do you make it a habit of breaking mirrors with your fist detective?" Alex asked.

"I make it a habit to do what I want." Olivia bit back as she slammed the water off and headed toward the door.

"STOP IT" Alex ordered as she grabbed Olivia by the jacket. It didn't go unnoticed that it was the jacket that she had given her for her birthday before she had stupidly asked for a divorce.

"You lost the right to tell me what to do the day you told me to move out and filed for divorce" Olivia growled as she carefully removed Alex's hands from her jacket and pushed her into the wall, all the while making sure not to hurt the blonde.

"Despite what you think I care for you" _more than you know _Alex added silently to herself "Let me help you home."

"Aww look Alexandra Cabot is all noble." Olivia sneered instantly hating herself when she saw the flash of pain in those blue eyes. She stared into those blue eyes and found herself leaning in to kiss those lips that could do things to her that no one else ever could. She stopped just mere inches away "I don't take married women home. I prefer them single. I'm not a home wrecker."

Olivia quickly released her hold on Alex and stormed out of the bathroom. She stopped at the bar long enough to pay her tab. She was almost to the door when someone reached out and stopped her. Olivia spun around and found herself smiling at a brunette that was saying something that she couldn't make because of the noise. She noticed Alex making her way toward her through the crowd. She waited until she knew for sure that she was watching her before she grabbed the woman in front of her and pulled her to her crashing her lips onto hers.

Alex stopped in her tracks as she watched Olivia kiss another woman. She took a deep breath to calm herself somewhat before she went up there and knocked that woman through the plate glass window. Granted it was her fault she was in the predicament that she was in. If she hadn't stupidly asked for a divorce right now they would probably be making love celebrating their anniversary but that didn't mean it didn't hurt any less.

"My place or yours?" Olivia asked the woman who she had just used and intended to keep using for the rest of the night.

"Neither" Alex growled from behind the woman causing her to jump.

"That's not your decision." The girl shot back looking between the two women.

"Let me put it to you like this" Alex ordered as she closed the gap between them "You need to find a different prey for tonight because she will not be it. So goodbye."

"Screw you Alex" Olivia shot back "You walked out on ME. ME. You don't get to come in here and play all protective to alleviate some fucking guilt you have because you saw me drinking. If I want to take this woman home and fuck her senseless guess what I can. Want to know why? Because I'm not wearing a wedding band anymore" Olivia pointed out as she held her hand up to see "You removed it remember. Then put it on another woman's finger. So I don't know what this is but take it home to your wife."

"Don't pull that shit with me" Alex shot back after she glared at the woman enough to make her scurry away and grabbing the chain that Olivia kept hidden under her shirt and ran her thumb over the gold band "You still wear your wedding ring just not on your hand. I'm not here to alleviate some fucking guilt as you call it. I can't take it home to my wife since I don't have one. "

"I'm sorry it didn't work out." Olivia said suddenly feeling bad for the blonde. Granted she had broken, hell try ripped her heart out and stomped on it so much that there was nothing left, but that didn't mean she didn't want Alex to feel that type of pain. "Want to talk about it? I'm a good listener when I'm not showing my ass. Alex if you like I will talk to her for you."

"Thank you but that's not necessary" Alex answered as she turned the brunette around and guided her to the door. She quickly hailed a cab and assisted Olivia into it before sliding in next to her "But what I do want is for you to allow me to see you home safe and sound. Tomorrow when you have sobered up some I would like you to call me because I do need to talk to you but I need you sober for it."

"Ok" Olivia mumbled as she laid her head back and closed her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia groaned as the light seeped through the window across her face. She threw her arm across her eyes and cussed the sun for rising and the bartender for bringing the doubles. As she laid there she became conscious of the fact that she was in her own bed. Panic set in as she tried, unsuccessfully, to get out of bed. After fighting a few waves of nausea she finally succeeded in getting to her feet.

Taking slow and calculated steps to her dresser she pulled the top right drawer out breathing a sigh of relief when she saw her departmental id and issued side arm. That task out of her way she turned quickly, a little too quickly, to make her way into her living room to make sure she was still alone. She doubled over and grabbed the door frame as another set of nausea washed over her. Taking a few deep breaths to attempt to calm her stomach she slowly made her way into the living room.

Breathing a sigh of relief upon discovering that she was alone in her apartment and apparently had been all night she ran her hand over her face. She pulled it back and stared at it realizing that it was bandaged. She stood there as she attempted to recall what had happened to cause her hand to be bandage and if so did she go to the ER.

She had been drinking doubles when Alex had appeared at her side. She had left the bar and made her way into the bathroom smashing her fist into the mirror. That was one mystery solved she thought to herself as she let the rest of the scene play through her mind.

They had a small confrontation in the bathroom. She cussed herself when she remembered forcing the blonde against the wall and holding her there. In all the time she had known the blonde she had never placed her hands on her. Not even the night she told her she didn't love her anymore and wanted a divorce. Lord knew the motel wall she had stayed at had taken a beating. She never told anyone the truth about how she had broken two knuckles and a couple of bones in her hand that night, but she suspected Elliot knew.

She stumbled to the bathroom as the rest of the night seemed to flash before her eyes. The young brunette who had stopped her and how she had kissed her when she knew Alex was watching. How she saw the flash of jealously and anger flash in those blue eyes when she looked at her with a smirk on her face after kissing the young girl. How Alex had more or less forced the brunette away and the argument that followed.

"_Screw you Alex" Olivia shot back "You walked out on ME. ME. You don't get to come in here and play all protective to alleviate some fucking guilt you have because you saw me drinking. If I want to take this woman home and fuck her senseless guess what I can. Want to know why? Because I'm not wearing a wedding band anymore" Olivia pointed out as she held her hand up to see "You removed it remember. Then put it on another woman's finger. So I don't know what this is but take it home to your wife."_

"_Don't pull that shit with me" Alex shot back after she glared at the woman enough to make her scurry away and grabbing the chain that Olivia kept hidden under her shirt and ran her thumb over the gold band "You still wear your wedding ring just not on your hand. I'm not here to alleviate some fucking guilt as you call it. I can't take it home to my wife since I don't have one. "_

That last line repeating constantly in her head as she turned the shower on.

_I can't take it home to my wife since I don't have one_

What did she mean by that? Did that woman do something to hurt Alex? Did she cheat on her? Olivia could feel her stomach churning and tighten at the thought that Alex had been hurt by her. If she ever found out that she did anything, anything at all to Alex, she would make sure she paid for it in a very slow and painful way. Alex may have destroyed her heart but there was no way on earth she would allow that to happen to Alex. She would have to be dead and cold in the ground and even then she would make sure Fin would look out for the blonde.

Olivia turned the water off as the last line she remembered Alex saying to her as she slid into the cab she had hailed for her.

"_But what I do want is for you to allow me to see you home safe and sound. Tomorrow when you have sobered up some I would like you to call me because I do need to talk to you but I need you sober for it."_

Olivia quickly dressed and headed to the kitchen for some much needed coffee as she tried to remember how her hand had gotten bandage. No matter how hard she fought to recall the rest of the evening she couldn't. There was no doubt in her mind though that Alex had helped her to her apartment and bandaged her hand before seeing her to bed. She covered her face with her hands and groaned. If she was drunk enough not to remember coming home lord only knew what she had said to Alex. There was only one way to find out and that was to place the last call on earth she ever wanted to make.

It was almost an hour later when Olivia finally had enough coffee and enough courage to call and talk to Alex without making an ass of herself for a second time in less than twenty four hours. Despite the fact that she knew Alex had asked for this call and would answer by the second ring she was silently praying that she had changed her mind and would ignore the call.

"Cabot."

"Alex it's detective Benson" Olivia said shaking her head at the business tone and title she used "You requested that I call you today."

"Liv please" Alex almost pleaded "There's no need to be so professional."

"It's habit Alex I'm sorry."

"I understand trust me." Alex almost whispered as she exhaled her breath "Do you feel up to lunch?"

"May I ask what this pertains to? I didn't think you were prosecuting any of our cases."

"I'm not but…"

"But what?" Olivia asked noticing the hesitation in Alex's voice.

"This is of a personal matter and I would like to talk to you in person. So will you allow me to buy you lunch?"

"Sure where?"

"I was thinking at the café near the precinct."

"Will one work?"

"One is fine Liv." Alex said with a small smile on her face. "Thank you."

"You're welcome" Olivia whispered as she hung the phone up dreading what the rest of the day would bring.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex walked in and looked around the café. She smiled as she remembered some of the lunches she had with Olivia here. Some discussing cases some making plans for when she could break away from a major case. It was this very café that they sat for about forty minutes planning their wedding till Olivia's phone called her away.

"Just one?" A waitress asked pulling Alex from her thoughts

"No there will be two." Alex said with a smile defying how nervous she really was. A part of her, as ridiculous as it was, was afraid that she would leave her hanging. Not that she would blame her one bit. Lord knew she deserved it considering everything she had done.

"Would you like to wait on your other party or go ahead and have a seat?"

"Take a seat if you don't mind."

"Not at all" The waitress answered grabbing two menus "Right this way."

Alex slid in the booth and waited for Olivia as she allowed the memories to flash before her eyes. She remembered the night Olivia came home after a particularly draining case and they had made love on the couch. How Olivia had looked at her with the most intense brown eyes she had ever seen. How she looked so scared and nervous as she asked her to marry her. How at that moment she didn't think she could possibly love that woman any more than she did at that moment.

She remembered the night she told Olivia that she wanted to start a family, have children. Olivia was slightly hesitant until Alex had told her she would carry and wouldn't have to worry about passing her genes on. How Olivia had picked her up and spun her around the squad room the day she walked in and told her the treatment had took. How they held each other and cried when they had lost the baby.

How after that they had tried over and over again to have a child. How each time something happened to prevent them from reaching the goal. What hurt worse than actually losing the child was the look on Olivia's face. The pain that she tried to mask so she could be there and be strong for Alex. No matter how bad it hurt every time Alex considered trying again Olivia supported her one hundred percent.

It was that factor that had led her to make the biggest mistake of her life. She had walked into the precinct wanting to surprise Olivia when she had over heard her and Elliot talking. He was asking Olivia how many more times was she planning on going through with the pregnancies. Olivia's response had been however many times Alex wanted to try she was not going to be the one to break her heart. The pain in her voice had been so raw that Alex almost didn't make it out of the precinct.

She had spent the next few months trying hard to push her dreams of having a family, a family with Olivia, to the back burner. No matter how hard she tried it still creeped up into her daily thoughts. The more she thought about it the more she realized that Olivia deserved better than her. Someone who could give her the family that she so deserved and not the heartbreak she always brought. That was when Alex broke down and asked for the divorce. She hoped with her leaving that Olivia would go out and find someone who could do for her what she couldn't do.

In all honesty she had hoped that Olivia would fight her on it and in a way it broke her heart when she didn't. She had just walked into the conference room demanded to sign where she needed to sign and then walked out. Telling Alex she could keep both copies of the divorce decree. Watching her walk away that day on the New York sidewalk was enough to shatter any dreams she ever had.

For a while everything had worked out ok. She had left SVU and started prosecuting white collar crimes. There were a few times that she had been requested back at the 16 to handle extremely sensitive cases. As always she had gone hoping she could see Olivia. She wanted and needed to know that she had found someone who could give her everything she deserved. Each time she arrived though she was told that she had been called away for some type of undercover detail. There was even one time she was told that she was on vacation.

That simple word right there had cemented the fact in her brain that Olivia had moved on and was happy. Simply because the Olivia she knew didn't take vacations unless her loved one asked her too. The Olivia she knew had so much vacation, sick, holiday, and comp time built up that she could be out almost two years and never lose a dime of pay. Knowing she was on vacation presumably with somebody finally gave Alex that last push to move on. Or attempt to, with her life.

That was when a mutual acquaintance had introduced her to Christine. They had dated for a little over a year when Christine had asked her to marry her. She had said yes knowing that she still loved Olivia but had hoped somehow someway she could forget Olivia and truly love Christine. As hard as she tried she couldn't and that fact was reinforced the day she ran into Olivia at the café. She was happy to see that she had finally moved on and seemed to be able to stay settled into her life with Christine and their daughter Madison when she had gotten word that Olivia and Amanda had broken up.

No matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop thinking about Olivia. It was Christine who finally had enough and confronted her over it. Instead of lying to her she told her the truth. That she had stupidly asked for a divorce and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't make her heart love her. Not when it still belonged to Olivia.

Christine had been so devastated that night and justifiably so considering she had not only married but had a child with her. She ordered her to leave their apartment immediately and within a week she was served divorce papers. The only thing that remotely kept them civil or humane to each other was their daughter Madison. If it wasn't for her they would have truly had one of the nastiest divorces in the history of New York.

That had been almost six months ago. Out of respect for not only their daughter but for what she had put Christine through she had waited till she searched out Olivia. That and the fact that she was pretty sure if she walked into the 16 and declared that she still loved her she would be staring down the barrel of at least three weapons possibly four depending on how the break up went with Amanda. So instead, she waited till their anniversary and made her way to the bar that Olivia had always gone to too drink away her memories.

Every year Alex would watch from outside and then made sure that Olivia would make it to her apartment without any incidents. This year though Alex had every intention of not watching from a far. What she didn't count on was Olivia already being wasted or her reaction to her being there. She almost jumped when Olivia had placed her fist in the mirror and homicide was top on her list when she saw Olivia pull that other woman to her and kiss her.

She had without words sent the woman scattering like the rat she was and managed to get Olivia out and into a cab. It took some doing but she managed to get Olivia to her apartment and inside. She had sat her on the couch and cleaned her hand before guiding her to her bed and tucked her in. She was almost out the door when she heard Olivia tell her that she loved her. That was all the encouragement she needed to do what she was about to do and should have done a decade ago.

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**A/N: Two updates in two days. I can say I am truly amazed that this story took off the way it originally did and how much you guys actually wanted me to continue it. Thank you guys so much. The reviews and PM's encourage me to keep the stories coming. I love you guys.**


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia walked into the café and looked around until she spotted Alex. She could see the pain that was etched on her face and the thought that Christine had caused it made her stomach turn. She vowed then and there after letting Alex vent to her she would hunt her down and make her pay. Alex deserved better than to have her heart broken by her.

"Want to tell me what this is over?" Olivia asked as she slid into the seat across from Alex waving the waitress off as she tried to approach.

"I needed to talk to you." Alex choked out her voice wavering slightly as she tried to put the mask that she always wore back in place.

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she reached across the table and took the blondes hands in hers "What is it? What happened?"

"I'm a grade A bitch." Alex said with laughter.

"Alex you're a lot of things but a grade A bitch isn't one of them." Olivia said as she unconsciously ran her fingers over the back of Alex's hands.

"Yeah right ask Christine." Alex snickered as she looked away "Believe me when I say she will tell you different."

"Alex" Olivia said trying her best to keep her temper in check "What has she said or done to you?"

"She was nothing but great to me Olivia." Alex finally said after a few minutes and looking back at Olivia "She gave me everything I wanted, or so I thought, and treated me with the love and respect any woman deserves."

"Then why do you think you're a grade A bitch?" Olivia asked "Better yet why is she calling you a grade A bitch?"

"And you don't?"

"Alex I have never once called you a bitch or thought of you as one. If someone has told you differently I would hope you would know me well enough not to believe them. If you did believe them I don't know what to say to that."

"Let me ask you something Olivia" Alex said as she motioned for the waitress to come over "You could have fought me tooth and nail during the divorce but you didn't. You only walked away with what you came into the marriage with. Why?"

"What's the old saying you can't make a heart love someone." Olivia said as she pulled her hands away and brushed some imaginary lint from her jacket off "If I had fought you, you would have ended up hating me. I didn't want that. I wasn't going to force you to stay with me or make it any harder than what it already was. So I signed the papers and moved on with my life."

"If only all divorces were as peaceful as ours." Alex said as the waitress approached.

"Alex what happened?" Olivia asked

"Long story short" Alex said as she played with her straw "We had an awful fight she kicked me out and within a week I was served divorce papers. The only thing that possibly kept our divorce somewhat civil was our daughter."

"I'm so sorry Alex. Do you mind me asking what happened concerning Madison?"

"Not at all." Alex exhaled "I am now an every other weekend parent and swapping holidays as well."

"She got custody of Madison?" Olivia asked already knowing the answer and feeling her heart clench for the blonde. When they were together there was nothing more she wanted than to have a child. Olivia had been so happy when she had seen her at the café with her.

"Believe it or not Olivia Madison is actually her daughter." Alex said looking at Olivia with tears in her eyes "I was never able to carry a child to term"

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she moved to the seat next to the blonde and pulled her into her arms. "I am so sorry I know how bad you wanted to have a child and what you went through to try and have one."

"What we went through" Alex answered once she had composed her self enough to talk "You were there you lost the child the same as me."

"But you had to endure the physical loss" Olivia informed her as she resumed her seat across from her "That was far worse than anything I endured."

"Why didn't we ever talk about it?" Alex asked as their meal arrived.

"Do what make you relive that pain? I could never, would never, and will never do that to you Alex." Olivia said "I may be a lot of things but I try not to be the monster my father was."

"Olivia you were never your father and never could be your father. It would have been nice to talk about it. To know how it affected you instead of you hiding it and supporting me now matter how many times failed."

"Was I suppose to tell you to stop. Don't try again."

"Yes," Alex said tossing her napkin on the table "Any insight on how you felt that you didn't want to go through it again would have been nice."

"Well I didn't and that's the past. The one thing I've learned is that you can't change the past." Olivia almost growled but stopped herself in time "What's the real reason why you wanted to meet for lunch today and showed up at the bar last night."

"Always straight to the point"

"Yes now please stop beating around the bush and tell me what's going on."

"Olivia the biggest mistake I ever made in my life was a decade ago." Alex started saying

"Alex" Olivia warned trying to stop her from going down a path neither of them needed or should go down.

"Don't Alex me and just listen" Alex ordered "The biggest mistake I ever made was the night I asked you for a divorce. I lied about my reasons for it. It had nothing to do with the hours you put in or how you seemed distant with me. I sure as hell never stopped loving you."

"Then WHY?" Olivia asked shocked at what she was hearing. "Why ask for the divorce?"

"I couldn't give you the family you wanted and more than deserved. I was a failure to you. I figured that if I left you would be able to find that woman who could give you a child. No matter what I did or tried to do it wasn't me."

"You thought divorce was the answer." Olivia snarled "That because you couldn't give me a child that walking out and leaving me was the answer. That I wouldn't love you because of that? Did I seem that shallow to you?"

"No"

"Really because let me tell you that's what it seems like to me at the moment. That because you couldn't give me a child I wouldn't and couldn't love you anymore. That is so far from the truth Alex and you know it."

"Yes I know" Alex growled back "It was stupid and believe me the biggest mistake of my life, one that I want to make right."

"Oh so because you come to me and tell me you never stopped loving me I'm supposed to give you a second chance." Olivia said standing and throwing some money on the table "In case you forgot I've been on this ride before and I'm gonna have to pass I know how it ends."

"So what you said to me last night was nothing?" Alex shouted as she jumped up from her seat ready to follow Olivia.

"WHAT LAST NIGHT WAS" Olivia shouted as she spun around to face the blonde "WAS WAY TO MUCH JOSE CUREVO AND NOTHING MORE."

"THAT'S A LIE AND YOU KNOW IT" Alex shouted back as closed the gap between them "Every year on our anniversary you go to that bar and get drunk. So drunk to the point that you almost can't walk out the door that type of drinking there is between you and some memories."

"So what" Olivia said lowering her voice when she noticed people staring at them "It doesn't matter anymore. It's been ten years since that day. You're different, I'm different, we're not the same people anymore."

"So we start fresh start all over."

"Alex it's useless."

"Olivia look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me anymore." Alex whispered pulling Olivia's face so she could look into her eyes "If you do I will walk out that door and never bother you again."

Olivia stood there and stared into those crystal blue eyes. She remembered the nights she would look into them after making love and be shocked at the amount of love she saw shining through them for her. How she loved how those eyes always seemed to come to life for her and only her. How at that moment she could tell that Alex was baring her heart and soul to her for all to see.

"I can't" Olivia finally whispered as tears started to fall down her cheeks "I can't".


	7. Chapter 7

"That's a start" Alex whispered as she wiped the tears from Olivia's cheeks "Can we start there? Will you allow me that?"

"I don't know that I can." Olivia answered truthfully.

"I understand" Alex said as she slowly guided Olivia back to the table and into the seat "I know I don't deserve it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Olivia finally asked after a few minutes more to herself than to Alex.

"If anybody on this earth deserved a loving family it was you." Alex finally said as she stared into her almost empty coffee cup "I couldn't do that for you. I knew you would stay with me even if I couldn't. It wasn't fair to you. So I made up some lame ass excuse and worked so hard to forget you that it took me to another continent."

"I would have stayed with you because I loved you. Giving me or not giving me a child was irrelevant."

"I know and believe me if I could change the past I would."

"We can't" Olivia stated "Honestly I'm not sure why I should let you have a chance in my future. What's to stop history from repeating itself. Mind telling me that?"

"Olivia" Alex whispered as she raised her head and met Olivia's eyes with her own. Tears threatenign to pour out of her eyes "I've never stopped loving you. If you will give me the chance to prove that I will everyday till the day I die. Olivia I will do what I should have done the first time around. Hand you the world on a silver platter."

"You don't get it do you?" Olivia asked laughing "I never cared about your money or what you could do for me or what doors being married to a Cabot could open. I cared about what you could give me emotionally, psychologically, and physically."

"I know believe me I know" Alex said as she tentatively reached out for Olivia's hand.

"Will you tell me what happened between you and Christine?" Olivia asked as she allowed Alex to take her hand "I want the truth."

"The truth" Alex said with a laugh "The truth is I never stopped loving you. My heart has always and will always belong to you. I moved on the best I could. I met Christine and we started dating and for the first time ever I could see it going somewhere. I loved her don't get me wrong but not in the way she deserved and certainly not theway I love you. When she asked me to marry her I thought that was what I needed to completely move on and forget what we had. So I said yes. I was doing good in the charade and we decided to have a child. She carried because as you know I can't. We had what you would call the picture perfect life and everything was going great."

"What changed?"

"I saw you with Amanda. Knowing that you had moved on and was with someone else made it easier for me. Then as luck would have it word came through the grapevine that you two had broken up and as hard as I tried I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't get the thought out of my head that it should have been me and you together at the café not you and Amanda."

"She figured it out?"

"That would be an understatement." Alex sighed "I'm surprised you didn't hear the fight at your apartment. We went about twenty rounds and I moved out that night. We fought about everything in the divorce but Madison. That was the only time we were civil."

"Why every other weekend? You have just as much right to Madison as she does."

"You're right I do but I still work with the ICC which requires me to travel. Christine on the other hand has a nice nine to five job and most days she can work from home. It was an agreement between the two of us that she would retain primary custody and I will have her every other weekend. We will share the holidays and coordinate any vacations with each other."

"I'm sorry for everything that happened I really am."

"That makes two of us." Alex said with a smile "Now I was truthful with you its your turn. What happened between you and Amanda?"

"Truthfully" Olivia said with a devious smile "Nothing."

"Olivia"

"I mean it nothing. I ran into you and the last thing I wanted you to know was that I was still single. Especially upon seeing Madison on your shoulders with that smile and laughter I use to get. Amanda is a detective that transferred up her from Atlanta Police Department in Georgia but to the best of my knowledge she's straight. To be honest I haven't a clue. She's never discussed it or brought anyone to the departmental functions. She was just doing me a favor although to be honest something tells me she would be a wild one in the bed. You know I do like my women wild."

"Olivia Benson I will pretend I didn't hear that last comment" Alex growled

"You wanted honesty" Olivia said as she held her coffee cup up so the waitress could refill it "So I gave it to you."

"Guess I asked for that."'

"You did." Olivia agreeded

"So let me get straight to the point" Alex said taking a deep breath and leaning back in the seat "Can I have a second chance?"

"I don't know" Olivia said looking away and shrugging her shoulders "I can't go through that again."

"Olivia you tell me what you want me to do. You want me to stand up and shout it to everyone I will" Alex said as she stood and turned to face everyone in the café "Can I have everyone's attention please. A little over ten years ago I made the biggest mistake of…"

"Alex please" Olivia said as she tried to pull her back into the booth.

"No the whole world will know I was the biggest ass to ever walk the earth" Alex said as she removed herself from Olivia's grip "As I was saying everyone A little over ten years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life and walked out on the best woman to have ever walked the earth for the worse reasons ever. I have never stopped loving her and If I'm lucky I'm going to be blessed with a second chance. If I am I will treasure every moment of it."

"Alex please sit." Olivia pleaded "Everyone is looking at you like your crazy."

"Maybe because I am for you Olivia." Alex said smiling as she looked down at the brunette "I don't care if they think I'm crazy or stupid or whatever they want to call me. Olivia I will shout it in this café and I will rent the board in Times Square to tell everyone. It doesn't matter to me. What does matter to me is you. I've wasted ten years already because of my stupidity I will not waste another moment."

"It won't be easy." Olivia said as she tugged at Alex.

"You're more than worth the fight Olivia." Alex answered as she slid into the booth next to Olivia

"It will take a while."

"You're more than worth the wait." Alex whispered as she cupped Olivia's face with her hands "more than worth it."

"I've got to take it slow." Olivia whispered

"As slow as you want it to go" Alex answered as she closed the gap between them. "Any more arguments?"

"No" Olivia whispered as she swallowed hard.

"Good" Alex answered before gently kissing Olivia.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Before you start reading this I would like to apologize. I will be the first to admit that this chapter isnt up to par like my other ones and I am so sorry. TO be honest I needed a lead in chapter to the next one and this is how it came out. I do solomely swear and promise to make sure the next chapter more than makes up for this one.**

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Alex leaned against the elevator wall and closed her eyes hoping to will the headache she felt coming away even though she knew it was useless. It was only eleven in the morning and she had already had a day from hell and that was putting it mildly. The only thing that was looking up for her at the moment was the fact she was on her way to see Olivia and that in itself was questionable. That was simply because they had caught a major case that had them living at the precinct for the last four days. With any luck and the grace of god Olivia would be there and they would be able to escape for lunch together.

"Good morning detectives." Alex said as she walked into the squad room and saw Rollins and Fin "Can you tell me where Detective Benson is at?"

Rollins looked Alex up and down with a small smirk on her face. She glanced back at her partner Fin who slightly shrugged his shoulders, before glancing back at Alex. She would give the woman credit she had balls to be walking up in the bull pen asking for Olivia. After that day at the café she wasn't willing to let her within ten feet of her either.

"I have no clue." Rollins said not really trying to hide the contempt in her voice for the blonde haired attorney "Last I heard she had a meeting with the Marshall's about something."

"The Marshall's?" Alex asked confused as far as she knew their current case was a race against time to save a child from a known predator. "Why is she at the Marshall's Office?"

"Why is who at the Marshall's office?" Olivia asked as she walked in to the bull pen smiling when she saw Alex standing there. Since that day at the café Alex had worked hard to prove herself to Olivia. She took it as slow as Olivia wanted and never once asked her for more than she seemed willing to give at that moment.

Alex turned around and smiled seeing her love walk in. Her heart clenched at the sight of the exhaustion written all over her face. She was willing to bet that out of the four detectives she had had the least amount of sleep and was pushing the hardest to find the scum that was currently destroying a child's life.

"Apparently you are." Alex said with laughter in her voice as she glanced over her shoulder and chanced a look at Rollins. The woman looked like she was ready to pounce on her any second if she said one wrong word "How was the meeting?"

"The Marshall's" Olivia said confused "I haven't had a meeting with the Marshall's Alex why would you think I was there."

"Let's just say that's what a little birdy told me."

Olivia looked over Alex's shoulder to Rollins who looked like she was ready to kill at any moment. She laughed when she realized what was happening. Olivia had yet to tell anyone at the station that her and Alex had agreed to see if they could work things out and seeing Alex enter probably sent them into overprotective mode.

"I haven't exactly told anyone" Olivia said taking a step closer to Alex "Want to talk over here?"

Alex nodded as she followed Olivia into the interview room.

"You look exhausted" Alex finally said once the door was closed and they were alone "When was the last time you slept?"

"I think it was right before I joined the academy or at least that's how it feels at the moment." Olivia said as she finally set down on the couch and laid her head back closing her eyes for a few moments. "What brings you here?"

"I actually stopped by to see if there was a chance you could break away for lunch." Alex told her as she took her jacket off and covered Olivia with it "Instead why don't you stretch out here and take a nap you need it."

"Actually something that doesn't come out of the vending machine sounds great right about now."

"I'm sure it does." Alex whispered as she sat at the end of the couch and coached Olivia into stretching out and laying her head in her lap "I will get you something to eat after you've had a brief nap."

"No more than twenty minutes ok" Olivia mumbled as she began to drift off.

Alex nodded knowing that Olivia wouldn't have heard her even if she had responded. She waited until Olivia's breathing became deep and even before gently moving her and standing carefully so not to wake her. She carefully placed a pillow under her head and made sure she was covered as best she could with her jacket before heading for the door.

"I love you" Olivia mumbled stopping Alex in her tracks just as she was about to open the door.

"I love you too." Alex whispered back before sliding out of the room. She looked around the room until her eyes landed on Fin "Hey Fin."

"Counselor" He said with a smile on his face that said he knew all even though he hadn't been told anything.

"She's out and really needs her rest." Alex informed him as she motioned toward the interview room "Let her sleep for as long as possible will you please and when she wakes up have her call the Chinese place and order lunch for everyone. My credit card is on file with them."

"No promises but I will try and thank you for lunch." Fin informed her.

"You are more than welcomed and if you guys need anything else let me know ok." Alex said turning to leave.

"I will and counselor" Fin called out waiting till Alex turned to face him "It took you long enough."

"Too long Fin. It took me too long." Alex said as she turned and walked out of the precinct.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I didn't think I would have this update this soon but some how I did. I hope everyone has a wonderful day and remember always be safe.**

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Olivia slowly drugged her exhausted body up the stairs to her apartment. It had been over a week since she had seen her apartment thanks to the low-life bastard they had caught earlier that day. After hearing how he violated and ruined the young girl's life she knew there was no way she would go home and immediately go to sleep so she stopped by the local cop bar and had a few drinks with the guys in an attempt to temporary forget everything. Now the only thing she wanted to do was take a hot shower and crawl into the bed.

Olivia sighed as she finally reached her door and slid the key into the lock. If it wasn't for the fact that she hadn't had a decent shower since the week before she would just fall into her bed clothes and all and sleep. She opened the door and was about to step in when she realized something wasn't right. She removed her gun from her holster and cautiously stepped into her apartment.

"Good God Olivia" Alex said as she jumped back and placed her hand on her chest as if to stop her heart from beating out of it "You scared the hell out of me."

"I scared you I scared you." Olivia said as she re-holstered her gun and kicked the door shut with her foot "What are you doing in my apartment."

"I heard you closed the case so I thought I would surprise you." Alex said as if it should be obvious.

"We did but not soon enough." Olivia mumbled as she dropped her keys in the bowl she kept by the door "Listen Alex I don't mean to be rude but I just don't have it in me right now. Maybe after I get some sleep we can talk and spend some time together but not right now."

"I know Olivia and I'm not here for that." Alex said as she reached for Olivia's hand and guided her through the apartment to the bathroom "I'm just here to be a shoulder for you to lean on."

"Alex…" Olivia started to say but was stopped when Alex silenced her by a gentle kiss.

"Just let me take care of you right now." Alex said as she turned the shower on. "That's all I want to do ok."

Olivia nodded too tired to really find the words needed.

Alex smiled as she pulled Olivia's shirt from where it was tucked into her pants and unbuttoned it. She slid her hand inside the shirt and across Olivia's shoulders stifling a moan as she pushed it off her shoulders and allowed it to fall to the floor. She took a deep breath as she locked eyes with Olivia and undid her bra and slowly removed it from her body. Without losing eye contact Alex undid Olivia's belt and slowly removed it from her pants.

Despite her best attempts Olivia was unable to suppress the moan that started deep in her throat and seemed to rumble out of her mouth. There was something erotic about the way Alex was undressing her and Olivia could tell she wasn't meaning for it to be that way, which in turn spiked Olivia's desire level a good fifty notches or more. She had to reach behind her and grab the counter to hold herself up when she felt Alex undo her pants and start to slide them off her body.

"Olivia Olivia." Alex whispered softly as she caressed Olivia's face. "Come on let's get you in the shower before you pass out on the bathroom floor."

Olivia readily accepted Alex's help to the shower not sure she could trust her feet to take her the three steps that was needed to walk to the shower. With Alex's help she was able to step into the shower and welcomed the burning sting that the water caused when she stepped under the spray. She braced herself against the wall and allowed the water to start to wash away the horrors of the last week.

"If you need any help just holler for me."

"You're not coming in?" Olivia asked without raising her head.

"No I'm not but I do promise you that I will be here waiting for you when you finish." Alex said as she pulled the curtain closed and walked out of the bathroom.

Olivia leaned back and let the water massage her aching shoulders just a little longer before turning the water off. She had to admit that this shower had to be one of the best and most relaxing showers she had taken in a long time. Taking one last deep breath she pushed the curtain back and stared at Alex who was standing there with an extra-large towel waiting for Olivia to step out.

Alex smiled as Olivia tentatively stepped out of the shower and into the towel that Alex had waiting for her. As she began to carefully dry Olivia off she couldn't help but notice some new scars and marks on her body. She felt her heart shatter even more and fought to keep her emotions in check when the thought crossed her mind that whatever Olivia had endured she had to endure it alone when she should have been there by her side.

Alex made her way back up Olivia's body placing sporadic kisses on the new scars until she was standing face to face with the brunette. As she began to carefully dry Olivia's hair she leaned forward and kissed her groaning when Olivia pulled her to her and deepened the kiss. When she felt Olivia start to unbutton her blouse she stopped her, and pulled away from her, breaking the contact she had been craving for since that day at the cafe.

"Not right now, baby." Alex whispered her voice hoarse with desire and need "Come on let's get you dressed and into bed."

"Alex" Olivia almost pleaded as she reached for her and pulled her back against her crushing her lips with bruising force. She carefully backed her up against the counter and effortlessly lifted Alex up and on the counter.

Alex let her head fall back and roll to the side giving Olivia full access to her neck as she snaked a leg around Olivia and ran her foot up and down her calf. There was a urgency and a need coming from Olivia that she hadn't felt in a long time and missed deeply.

Olivia nipped at Alex's neck as she ran her hand down along Alex's side pulling her blouse out from her skirt and finally touching her beautiful creamy skin. She ran her hands along her abdomen and moaned when she felt them contract. She continued her pace along Alex's waist till she reached the single hook and zipper on the side. She pulled back long enough to look at Alex before unzipping her skirt.

Alex dug her nails into Olivia's shoulder to balance herself as she lifted her hips off the counter so Olivia could remove her skirt. She hissed as she settled back onto the cold marble tile but quickly parted her legs for Olivia as she began a slowly tantalizing pace starting at her ankles till she reached her stomach.

"Take it off" Olivia growled after fumbling with the buttons on Alex's blouse.

Alex leaned forward and captured Olivia's lips with hers as she quickly shed her shirt and tossed it to the floor not caring where it landed. Every nerve ending in her body was on fire as Olivia ran her hand over Alex's exposed body. As Alex ran her hands along Olivia's shoulders and sides she could feel the tension and restraint that was running rampant through Olivia's body.

"Take it baby." Alex whispered into Olivia's ear as she rimmed the edge of it with her tongue "Take it how you need."

The growl that tore from Olivia's throat was low, deep, and almost menacing like as she plunged two fingers fast and deep into Alex. The amount of wetness she found waiting for her had her clenching her thighs together to keep from falling apart on Alex.

Alex arched her back and screamed at the sudden intrusion when Olivia plunged into her.

"Alex" Olivia said pulling back to look at her when she heard her scream.

"Don't" Alex moaned out as she locked her legs around Olivia's waist and dug her nails into her shoulder "take it how you need."

Olivia gripped the side of the counter as she began to thrust faster and harder into Alex. She could feel Alex's muscles contracting and releasing with each thrust and could tell by her shallow breaths that she was close to the edge. With her final thrust she curved her fingers and massaged Alex's insides till she felt her muscles clench her fingers so tight that she couldn't move them.

After what seemed like forever Alex finally began to come back down and somewhat catch her breath. It was then that she realized that Olivia had her head buried in her shoulder and was crying. She wrapped her arms around Olivia and held her as tight to her as she could while laying feather like kisses over her shoulders and head.

"Shhh." Alex coaxed as she took Olivia by the hand and lead her to the bedroom once Olivia seemed to have calmed down.

"Why?" Olivia asked as she sat on the bed and looked up at Alex.

"We will never know." Alex whispered knowing what she was referring to as she gently pushed Olivia back onto the bed before walking around to the other side of the bed and gathering her in her arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Alex looked up and smiled when she saw Olivia finally emerged from the bedroom. There had been a few times that Alex had considered waking Olivia but knowing what she had been through the last week with little to no sleep she thought better of it.

So instead she decided to make herself useful and surprise Olivia by cleaning her apartment for her. While cleaning her apartment Alex discovered that Olivia once again had little to no food in her house. That was not surprising since Olivia was a married to her job type of officer. Shall she say she was up until they started dating and married and from what Alex had discovered she had returned to her old ways after the divorce.

So Alex who wanted to make what little down time Olivia would have truly relaxing decided that she would do the grocery shopping for Olivia. Since she was already having to go out she thought why not kill two birds with one stone and as quietly as she could gathered up all of Olivia's laundry. After separating what had to be dry cleaned and what needed to be washed she headed out the door.

Thankfully Alex had been with Olivia one time before and knew that she used the cleaners around the corner from her house. After dropping the dress shirts and slacks off and picking up what Olivia had waiting Alex headed in the direction of the bodega that was just around the block as well. She had to laugh as she walked to it because only Olivia would find an apartment where on the way home she could grab something to fix for dinner, a rare occasion, and a dry cleaner's to where she could either pick up or drop off her clothes whether she was coming or going.

She did the shopping as quickly as she could and made her way back to the apartment. She stood outside the door taking a quick breath hoping to calm her pounding heart. She was scared that once Olivia saw that she was still there she would send her away and she was hoping that this time she would let her be there for her not retreat into herself like she did after cases she just completed. Opening the door slowly she looked around was amazed she didn't see Olivia. After setting her bags down she made her way down the hall and peeked in the bed room and discovered that Olivia was still asleep. So after putting the groceries up led her to where she was now, sitting on the couch with a case file spread out preparing for court till Olivia a woke.

"Why didn't you wake me sooner?" Olivia asked as she took a seat on the couch arm noticing that the apartment was not only clean but the basket was full of folded clean clothes and her dry cleaning was hung on the hook by the door.

"I knew you needed the rest." Alex informed her as she cleared her a spot on the couch "And I had plenty to occupy my time with."

"I see" Olivia whispered as she pulled Alex to her feet and into her arms "Thank you."

"I want you to be able to relax as much as possible during your downtime. So I made sure I got everything done so all you have to do is just that, relax."

"When have you ever known me to relax?" Olivia asked laughing.

"Our honeymoon on the beach." Alex answered without even having to think. She could remember that time like it was yesterday. She had never seen or knew that Olivia could not only smile that much but laugh and just let go. Seeing that side of her in that instant made her fall even more in love with her than she was just twenty four hours before when she vowed to love honor and cherish till death do they part, so much for keeping up her end of the bargain.

"That was fun wasn't it?" Olivia said finally releasing Alex so she could sit back down "Listen Alex about last night…"

Alex stopped midway sitting down and stood back up quickly placing her finger on Olivia's lips to silence her. They stood there staring at each other as images of the night before played in their minds. The thought she couldn't get out of her head was who had Olivia gone to when the cases became too much and she just had to lose herself. Did they understand her need like she did or did they turn away.

"Don't, its ok. Actually its more than ok."

"So is there a chance I can take you out to lunch and maybe a day on the town." Olivia asked Alex with a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

"I would love to but I can't." Alex said as she looked at the ground. This was the first time since they had started working things through that Olivia had actually made the first move.

"Oh well, that's ok" Olivia said taking a step back and feeling like a fool. If she wasn't at her apartment she would probably find some excuse to leave and do it quickly.

"Stop Olivia." Alex said quickly capturing Olivia's hands trying to but unsuccessfully pulling her back to her "I can't because I need to go pick up Madison. Christine called me and asked if I could get her today because she has some meeting, meaning a date, to go to this evening and I told her I would. I get her in a little over an hour."

"Would you mind if I take both of you out to lunch and maybe take her to the zoo or the latest Disney movie or there's this indoor play center that has all this equipment for her to climb on or in. I know you said you wanted to wait a while before you started bringing me around but I can be your co-worker or just a friend. I'll play it anyway you want just let me know."

"Olivia are you sure you want to do that? She is a very inquisitive child."

"Alex I'm positive but if you're not ready for me to be around her I understand."

"Be at my place in two hours." Alex informed her as wrapped her arms around Olivia and kissed her gently on the mouth before walking out the door with a smile on her face.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex sighed as her and Madison entered her apartment. She should have been home almost a half an hour earlier but of course Christine wanted to talk. That is if you wanted to call her attempts to basically rub it in that the reason she needed her to take Madison was because she had a date. Alex had silently shook her head and informed her that she didn't mind it she would gladly take Madison anytime no reason needed. Since she was receiving the opposite effect of what she was looking for Christine finally gave up and they were able to leave. Now because of that though she was limited on the amount of time she had to explain to Madison about Olivia.

"Madison honey I need you to take a seat at the table.' Alex said as she secured the door behind her hoping to find an easy way to begin this discussion "We need to talk.'

"Yes ma'am" Madison said as she took a seat at the table and looked at her mother expectantly.

Honey I have a friend coming over to spend the day with us." Alex said cringing to herself at how she was describing Olivia. Olivia wasn't just her friend if she wanted to be honest she was her soul mate. "Actually honey that's not the truth, she is more than my friend. Olivia is my girlfriend."

"Is she why you and mom divorced?" Madison asked.

"Yes and no" Alex answered knowing that being honest was the best way to go with her daughter. She may not have been biologically hers but she had her intellect with her quick wit and endless questions.

"Care to explain."

"Well, myself and Olivia were married years before I met your mother and to be honest I left her for very selfish and stupid reasons. We lost contact with each for years and then as fate would have it we ran into each other a few years back."

"So you cheated on mom with her?" Madison asked out right

"No I did not." Alex stated wondering what Christine had told her about their divorce "I never once cheated on your mother and if that's what she told you then she was wrong. Your mother and I was having problems long before Olivia ever became a topic. We just chose to hide them and not face them till one night it all came to a head."

"The night you moved out."

"Yes baby the night I moved out." Alex sighed there was nothing she hated more than how her daughter had gotten hurt in the process of their separation and sub sequentially their divorce."

"Did you go straight to her mom or did you wait?" Madison asked

"Honey I didn't run into Olivia again for a few months after the divorce. We talked and agreed to see if we could see if we could rekindle what we once had."

"You never stopped loving her did you?" Madison asked looking her mother square in the eyes.

"No I didn't baby." Alex said as she hung her head "But make no mistake I loved your mother."

"But not like you loved Olivia." Madison pointed out speaking the sentence that was hanging in the air between them.

"No baby not like Olivia."

"So If you still loved her why did you get a divorce? Did she not love you anymore?"

"No baby she still loved me and apparently has throughout the years too. I was the one that asked her for a divorce."

"If you loved her mommy why did you ask for the divorce?"

"Honey when you get older you will learn that no matter how much you love someone sometimes things just don't work out." Alex said as she stood silently praying this would stop the endless questions she knew was about to start.

"Who says history won't repeat themselves?" Madison asked as she cocked her head to the side. She knew that when her mom stood and walked away that ended the conversation but she wanted to know more about this woman that she would be sharing her mom with today.

"Honey you will either make a great attorney or a great detective one day.." Alex said laughing "That is the same thing she asked me."

"Because I'm older and wiser and have no intentions of allowing history repeating itself. The biggest mistake of my life was walking out on her but at the same time it was the best thing that ever happened to me because I wouldn't have you."

"You would have had me with her." Madison pointed out.

"No baby I wouldn't have." Alex said turning around to face her daughter "I'm unable to have children which is why I left Olivia and your mom carried you. If I stayed with her I would have never had you and I can't imagine one second of my life without you."

"I'm sorry" Madison said looking down.

"Don't be in the end it was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Could she not have children?" Madison asked as she sat there and wondered why this Olivia didn't carry their child if she couldn't.

"Yes she can" Alex said as she pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. Maybe with any luck she could get all this out of her system before Olivia got here and she would be spared "Well let me say as far as we know she can. We never tried."

"Why not?'

"For one she has a very dangerous job. She works for NYPD as a detective In the Special Victims Unit. Secondly she has her personal reasons for not wanting to carry a child. One that I will not discuss with you and you will not be asking her about either do you understand me."

"Yes ma'am."

"Thank you." Alex sighed praying that for once her daughter would listen. When it came to the aspect of wanting to know something she didn't stop till she discovered the truth. That is why she often reminded her of Olivia. "Now honey I need to know are you ok with Olivia spending the day with us."

"What if I'm not?"

"I would like you to meet her and at least have lunch and then we will part ways and the rest of the day will be just us."

"You had plans with her today and mom messed that up by calling and asking you to take me." Madison said stating what she thought was the obvious.

"Again that's a yes and no." Alex said sitting back down at the table. The last thing she ever wanted her daughter to think or feel was that she came second. In her life Madison was always number one and the one thing she loved the most was that she knew without a doubt that Olivia would always put her daughter first as well.

"Again care to explain?"

"We did plan to spend the day together but had nothing specific planned other than just relaxing at her apartment. She just closed a very difficult case where she had to spend most of her time at the station and didn't get a lot of rest. As for your mom messed it up by asking me to come and get you, never. I meant it when I said I would come and get you anytime. You are and will always be number one with me."

"I love you mommy." Madison said as she climbed into her mothers lap and hugged her tight.

"I love you too." Alex whispered. "Now you never answered my question. Are you ok with Olivia coming over? I need to call and stop her if not."

"Sounds like its too late." Madison said with laughter as they heard a knock at the door.

"No its not I will open the door and send her away Madison." Alex said standing "I need to know now though are you ok with her being here?"

"I would like to meet her." Madison said as she pushed her mom toward the door and followed behind her.

* * *

**A/N: I know everyone was counting on this to be the chapter with Olivia meeting Madison but anyone who is divorced with kids know that there is always the discussion before the actual meet. I decided to have that and lay the foundation for Madison to meet Olivia.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Before you start reading this chapter let me warn you I am the world's worse with math and time which is why I wear a uniform and badge. We don't have to deal with a lot of math. I know Madison will seem more mature than her age but I based her off my daughter who is highly intelligent and very mature for her age.**

* * *

Olivia paced back and forth in front of Alex's door for close to ten minutes she had never dated a woman with a child before but she knew that if the child didn't like you then you were out. She tried to remember the last time she was this nervous and the closest she could remember was when she received her acceptance letter from NYPD. Hell she was nervous the night she dropped to one knee and asked Alex to marry her but nothing like she was now. Mentally preparing herself and chiding her self for being scared of an eight year old since she dealt with violent criminals she took a deep breath and knocked on Alex's door.

"Hey you." Alex said with a smile that seemed to light up the whole room when she opened the door. "Why don't you come in?"

"Thank you" Olivia choked out as she stepped past Alex and into her apartment smiling when her eyes fell on Madison.

"Are you ok baby?" Alex asked as she pulled Olivia too her and laid a gentle kiss on her temple laughing to herself when she felt her jump away "I told her so please relax."

"Alex are you sure I mean I know you wanted to wait which I was fine with. You didn't feel like I rushed you did you? I didn't want you to feel like that and and I'm sorry if I did."

"You tend to ramble like my mom does when she's nervous" Madison said stepping up and extending her hand "Hi I'm Madison Renee Cabot-Green."

"Nice to meet you I'm Olivia Benson." Olivia said shaking the young girl's hand and chancing a look at Alex. "How are you?"

"I'm doing good." Madison answered as she looked Olivia up and down. "So mom tells me that you're the reason for the divorce between my parents."

"MADISON." Alex scolded as she mouthed I'm sorry to Olivia who just winked at her.

"Look I promise you that I had nothing to do with it." Olivia said as she lowered herself so that she was on Madison's level "I didn't know your parents were even divorced till I ran into your mom here a couple of months ago."

"That's momma." Madison said "Mom is Christine and Alex is momma."

"Understood" Olivia said as she nodded in agreement chancing another quick look at Alex and seeing the anger flash in her eyes. She wondered what else had she told the young woman standing before her and what she believed as well.

"Momma says that you two used to be married a while back but you got divorced."

"That's correct both me and your momma worked at the same place and started dating. After a while we got married and sometimes life gets in the way and we ended up divorced." Olivia answered feeling as if she was on the witness stand. She knew without a doubt that Alex was the one she had spent the majority of her time with.

"But you always loved her?" Madison asked looking between the two women.

"I did and I do." Olivia said looking over Madison's head locking eyes with Alex.

"You're a detective for the, what did you call it momma?" Madison asked turning to look at her mother.

"It's called the Special Victims Unit honey." Alex said as she lowered herself next to Olivia "I believe that's enough questions for now."

"Let her ask what she wants." Olivia said placing a hand on Alex's knee and giving it a squeeze. "I am a detective for what we call SVU and I have been for fourteen years now. For about six years your mother was our ADA and after she left she came back from time to time to prosecute crimes for us."

"So you had several chances to tell my momma that you loved her before she met my mom." Madison pointed out.

"I did if I didn't run like a chicken" Olivia said quickly as she squeezed Alex's knees to quiet her again "Whenever I knew that your momma was coming to our precinct to work with us I would always find a way to avoid seeing her. Most of the time I would go undercover for a federal agency."

"Why not just stay and see her?" Madison asked truly confused why two people who apparently loved each other would work so hard to avoid each other.

"Because the last thing I wanted was for her to see me and know I was alone while she was out there finding the love of her life. Had I stayed we may have avoid quite a few years separated and been back together years ago but if that was the case I wouldn't be sitting here talking to a beautiful young woman that means the world to Alex."

"Momma said the same thing." Madison said blushing as she looked away.

"Believe me it's the truth." Olivia said as she stood up and flexed cramping muscles "What I would like to know now is would it be ok with you if I took you and your mother out for lunch?"

"If I say no?" Madison asked despite the look she got from her mother.

"Madison we discussed this" Alex scolded.

"It's ok honey." Olivia said swallowing. She has had better success at getting rapist to confess than sitting through this questioning. "I will say it was a pleasure to meet you. Thank you so much for allowing me this time, I would like to get to know you better in the future and make my way out."

"You won't make me go or force your way in with me and momma."

"No I will not. If you don't want me here I will leave. Madison you will always come first no matter what." Olivia said understanding the fear the little girl was feeling.

"Oh" Madison mumbled as she stared at the floor. She knew why she was sent to her momma's was because mom had a date. She had already been tossed to the side by one parent why not the second one. It would just fall in line with how her day was going.

"Madison do you mind if I stayed and spent time with the two of us or would you be more comfortable if I left now?" Olivia asked as she looked at Alex with a concern look on her face. There was more to this questioning she just endured than what the little girl was letting on to. Years of questioning victims told her that.

"Where are you taking us for lunch?" Madison asked finally looking up at her momma and seeing a smile on her face. She couldn't remember the last time she saw her that happy.

"Where would you like to go?" Olivia asked as she pulled Alex against her sighing when Alex rested her head on her shoulder.

"Can we go to the pizza place that has an arcade built into it? I want to play some games." Madison asked.

"We can go where ever you like as long as your momma approves of it." Olivia informed Madison who quickly turned to look at her momma and give her a set of the cutest puppy dog eyes she had ever seen.

"That's fine honey, go and use the restroom and grab your coat ok."

"Yes ma'am." Madison said as she turned on her heels and headed down the hall.

"I'm so sorry I tried to tell her everything before you came over to spare you this." Alex whispered as she wrapped her hands around Olivia's neck and pulled her to her.

"Please who are we kidding that little one there is nothing but a miniature version of you." Olivia said laughing as she placed a kiss on Alex's nose "Thank you for telling her we're a couple but I hope you know that I was more than willing to be a friend till you were ready."

"I know Liv but I didn't want to lie to her and I certainly didn't want to lie about us. I'm sorry my plans for today got tossed to the side."

"I'm not." Olivia said as she raised Alex's head so she could look into those crystal blue eyes "I get to spend the day with not one but two very beautiful women which is always a great day in my book."

"I love you." Alex breathed as she closed the gap and kissed


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: The delay in updating belongs to my department. They decided I would be a great officer to train other officers in some posts. Which meant I had a constant shadow and never a second to myself. Hopefully my period as a training officer is about over.'**

* * *

"So Madison" Olivia said as they took their seats "What type of pizza is your favorite? I'm willing to bet if you're anything like your momma it's something with lots of cheese."

"Yes ma'am" Madison said smiling at being compared to her momma "I love pepperoni with lots of cheese."

"My guess is that is the pizza you want?"

"Please."

"So would you like a small or a medium size one?" Olivia asked as she leaned forward to let her know she had all her attention.

"Umm" Madison said as she quickly looked at Alex with questioning eyes "Momma?"

Olivia carefully glanced at Alex and raised an eyebrow at her. It took all she had not to start laughing at the look she saw on Alex's face.

"Honey" Alex said laughing as she threw her hands up as if defeated "I am going to let that be between you and Olivia. I don't mind which one you get."

"Can I get the medium one?" Madison asked slightly hesitantly.

"That will be one medium cheese lovers pizza with pepperoni. Would you like bread sticks, cheese sticks, or anything else?"

"Oh I love cheese sticks" Madison said as her face lit up with a smile.

"Add a large order of cheese sticks to your order." Olivia said laughing at how she perked up at hearing cheese sticks. She was just like Alex any time she ordered cheese sticks she had to order a large order if she had hopes of getting at least one. "What about you Alex?"

"Excuse me Miss Olivia." Madison said trying to get Olivia's attention again.

"Madison as long as it's ok with your momma you can just call me Olivia, Liv, or Benson." Olivia said turning back to face Madison.

"Yes ma'am" Madison said looking at Alex with confusion "You're buying me a medium pizza so I will pass on the cheese sticks, but thank you."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked giving Alex another questioning look.

"Yes ma'am."

"OK" Olivia said turning to Alex "Let me guess you want a medium Hawaiian pizza with extra cheese?"

"Actually no I would like a meat lovers'." Alex told her knowing how much Olivia loved meat lovers but often passed on it so she could get her favorite. Never once complaining or even appearing like she was upset when she put her wants to the back burner, something that this time around Alex was going to change.

"Alex."

"I'm positive Liv." Alex whispered as she squeezed her hand to reassure her "I just want extra cheese on it."

"Of course you do." Olivia said leaning over and placing a kiss on Alex's cheek without thinking.

"Would you like to order for us?" Olivia asked Madison as she motioned to the waitress that they were ready.

"Please."

"What can I get you ladies?" the waitress asked as she walked up to the table and pulled her order tablet out.

"Can we please get a medium pizza with a lot of cheese and pepperoni and a medium meat lovers with extra cheese."

"And to drink?"

"Sprite" Madison said as she looked at Olivia and Alex unsure of what they wanted to drink.

"Two diet cokes." Alex answered her daughter's unspoken question.

"Will there be anything else?"

"Let us get a large order of cheese sticks extra cheese." Olivia added as she winked at Madison.

"So I have a medium cheese lovers with pepperoni, a medium meat lovers with extra cheese, a large order of cheese sticks with extra cheese, a sprite and two diet cokes. Will there be anything else?"

"No ma'am." Madison said after looking to Alex and Olivia for conformation.

"I will be right back with your drinks and your order will be out shortly." The waitress said as she left the table.

"So what grade are you in?" Olivia asked turning to face Madison once the waitress had left.

"Fourth grade."

"What school do you go to?"

"Leman Manhattan Preparatory School"

"And the smartest one their like your momma." Olivia said glancing at Alex.

"Not quite but almost."

"Well there's no doubt in my mind though you are the prettiest."

Madison blushed and looked away.

"So are in any sports or clubs?"

"I'm on the lower class swim team, I take cooking lessons three times a week, and Karate as well.'

"Wow that's a wide variety." Olivia said laughing.

"Well I wanted to swim and mom wanted me to know how to cook and mamma wanted me to defend myself."

"Defending yourself is a good thing believe me." Olivia said knowing all too well the dangers that was out in the world.

"That's what mamma said."

"She's right you know and your momma is a very smart woman so listen to her."

"I do." Madison answered with a smile.

"Good." Olivia said laughing.

"What does this SVU do?" Madison asked deciding it's her turn to turn the tables.

"Well." Olivia said glancing at Alex not sure on how to explain her job to her.

'Honey do you remember me telling you that there are some really bad people out there. People who want to hurt children."

"Yeah that's why you have me take karate."

"Right.' Alex exhaled "It's Olivia's job to track those people down and arrest them. She works really hard to make sure they pay for what they did."

"Do you carry a gun?" Madison asked "My friend Marcus's dad is a cop and he carries a gun."

"I do. I carry a gun and a set of handcuffs on me."

"He has a lot more stuff though."

"I bet he wears a blue uniform too."

"Yes."

"He's with what we call the uniformed division. Everyone who starts with the department starts in the uniform division. I did my time on the streets as we call it till I took the detective's exam. Now I wear business casual to work every day but on occasion I do have to wear the blue uniform.'

"So you dress like momma all the time."

"No sweetie I don't' Olivia said laughing "there is no way I could chase a perp five blocks in four inch heels and a skirt."

"That would be hard but funny to watch." Madison said laughing with Olivia. She really liked Olivia and how she included her in everything. "Momma can I go play some games before the pizza gets here?"

"Sure baby." Alex said reaching for her purse and handing her some money "But stay where we can see you ok."

"Yes ma'am." Madison said as she grabbed the ones and headed off toward the arcade.


	14. Chapter 14

"Olivia would you play a few games with me?" Madison asked as she finished her third slice of pizza.

"I would love to." Olivia said with a smile thankful that she was taking to her even though she seemed hesitant at first.

"Momma you don't mind do you?" She asked as if it was an afterthought.

"No baby and if you're done you can go ahead and play." Alex informed her reaching for her purse but was stopped by Olivia placing a hand over hers.

"I've got it."

Alex smiled and simply nodded as she watched her daughter jump up and start heading toward the arcade motioning for Olivia to follow her. She waited till they were out of sight to motion to the waitress for some carry out boxes.

"So what do you want to play?" Olivia asked as she jogged to meet up with Madison taking one last look over her shoulder at Alex.

"Nothing I want to get out of sight of momma and talk to you." Madison informed her as she grabbed her hand and weaved them through the crowd of kids with experienced ease.

"Go." Olivia said once she was sure they were out of sight of Alex.

"I know I'm still a kid but I'm not stupid." Madison said as she took a seat at a table on the other side of the restaurant

"Ok."

"I need some questions answered." Madison said as she crossed her arms.

"What are they?" Olivia exhaled as she ran her hands through her hair. She knew eventually something like this would occur but she never figured it would happen the first time they met. Then again who was she fooling she was raised by Alex who always shot right to the point.

"I know the whole reason I'm with momma tonight is because mom had a date. Which is why I was handed off to her, I was in the way. I also know it's only a matter of time before I start getting in the way with you two."

"Whoa stop right there." Olivia said as she dropped to her knees in front of Madison "I can't speak for your mom and I don't know your mom but as for us you will never be in our way. I am more than happy to spend time with you and your momma. I don't want you to think any differently and if I made you feel like that today it was not my intention."

"You didn't. You made sure I was a part of everything we did."

"That's the way it should be sweetie." Olivia said "Now let me ask you this and I want you to tell me the honest truth no matter what ok."

Madison nodded as she chewed her bottom lip.

"Are you ready for me to leave so you and Alex can spend the rest of the day together?"

"Kind of." Madison answered nodding unable to look Olivia in the eyes.

"Ok then" Olivia whispered as she gently reached out and wiped the tears that started to fall from her eyes "Why the tears?"

"I haven't seen momma smile and laugh this much in a long time. I know if you leave now she will stop and I don't want that either. I feel bad for wanting you too leave but I really want to spend the rest of the day just us."

"Let's start with don't feel bad for asking me to leave ok. If you're ready for it to be just you and Alex that's fine honey I promise. As for her smile and laughter I'm looking at the reason for it right now. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you."

"But I know she will be upset now and mad at me."

"I promise you Madison she won't ok. If you want I will handle why I'm leaving."

"Will you please?"

"I will." Olivia said as she stood and extended her hand "Now let's head back and I'll talk to her ok."

"OK." Madison mumbled as she took Olivia's hand and headed back toward their table.

"That was quick." Alex said looking up at the two returning.

"Yeah" Olivia said as she took her seat next to Alex "Madison wanted to talk to me alone."

"About?" Alex asked as she looked between Olivia and Madison who looked terrified. "Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine calm down. Madison is ready for the rest of the day to be just you two."

"Oh"

"I'm sorry momma." Madison said as tears sprang to her eyes again.

"Oh baby come here" Alex whispered as she switched seats till she was sitting next to Madison and holding her tight against her "Don't be honey. If you want it to be just us that's fine, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"More than sure." Alex said as she placed a kiss on top of her head "Why don't you run to the bathroom real quick and when you come out we will leave ok."

"Yes ma'am." Madison sniffled as she wiped the tears from her face before leaving the table.

"Liv I'm sorry I thought she was ok with you being here. I didn't know."

"Alex, Madison is an extremely intelligent child. She knows the whole reason she is with you today is because Christine had a date. She feels as if she got in the way with her and will do the same with you. She feels as if it's only a matter of time before she becomes an inconvenience to you and you do the same thing."

"Olivia I would never."

"I know you wouldn't." Olivia said placing her hand over Alex's "I would walk away no matter how much I love you before I would allow that to happen."

"I know."

"Right now her world is upside down and keeps flipping. She just met the reason for her parent's divorce or at least what she's been told by one parent. That very parent who blames me just put another woman before her. In a manner of speaking she feels the same about you over the divorce. At this moment she needs that reassurance that you will still put her first."

"I'm sorry." Alex whispered again.

"I'm not so you shouldn't be. I got to have a wonderful lunch with two beautiful women and I got a chance to know your daughter better. I loved every second of it and don't regret any of it."

"I'm glad." Alex said smiling when she saw Madison walking back to them. "Call you later tonight after she goes to bed."

"I'm counting on it counselor." Olivia said as she stood and made her way out of the restaurant.


	15. Chapter 15

"Do you think she'll get the help she needs?" Rollins asked as her and Benson walked back into the bull pen. They had just finished a case where a nineteen year old was raped at a party she had gone too by someone she had trusted.

"I don't know but I hope she does." Olivia answered looking up and seeing Madison sitting at her desk "Rollins excuse me"

"Is everything ok?" Rollins asked concerned when she saw the look that came across Olivia's face.

"I don't know" Olivia answered as she quickly made her way over to Madison "Madison is everything ok?"

"Yes ma'am" She said smiling at the detective "Momma had to stop by and talk to Captain Cragen before we went home and she told me to sit here. Is this your desk?"

"It is" Olivia said as she took her coat off and took a seat breathing a sigh of relief "How have you been?"

"I've been good. Who is that in the picture?" Madison asked pointing at a picture on Olivia's desk "Is that your son?"

"No sweetie it isn't" Olivia said picking the picture of her and Eli and handing it to Madison "This young man is my old partner, Elliot Stabler, youngest son. I was with his wife when she went into labor and helped deliver him. This picture was taken of me and him at his baptism and the day that they named me as his godmother."

"Do you see him often?" Madison asked as she carefully took the picture from Olivia. She could see the love that Olivia had for the young child in the picture.

"Not as often as I like but I do get to see him." Olivia said as she took the picture from Madison and placed it back on her desk.

"Why not?"

"I work a lot of hours and the cases I work consume a lot of my time. There are times that I don't get to see him for weeks."

"Don't you miss him when you don't see him?"

"I do." Olivia said smiling at the young girl "I miss him a lot but I do what I do for him, you, and all the other little children in New York. I want to make this as safe of a city as I can for children."

"Momma says the same thing to me all the time when I ask why does she do what she does."

"Honey that's because there are a lot of bad people out there that try to hurt children. It's my job to get them off the street."

"And my job to keep them off the street." Alex said as she walked up to where Olivia and Madison sat talking.

"Together you two make a team."

"Actually its not just me and your momma." Olivia said as she turned the chair around where Madison could see everyone "It's Detective Rollins, Detective Amaro, and Detective Fin that makes up the team Of course there is Captain Cragen who is my boss."

"I've seen pictures of him before." Madison said pointing at Fin who winked at her "Momma has some pictures of him and a couple other people hanging up in her office at home."

"I'm sure in those pictures is Detective Munch, who is on vacation and Detective Stabler, my partner who retired." Olivia said glancing up at Alex who couldn't help but smile as she watched her daughter and Olivia interact.

"Yes ma'am that's them."

"Madison" Alex said getting the young girls attention "I need you to sit here for a few more minutes I need to talk to Olivia alone for a minute ok."

"Ok momma."

"Rollins, Fin" Olivia said as she stood to follow Alex "Keep an eye on Madison and no one go nears my desk."

Fin simply nodded as he watched the two women walk into the interview room.

"Is everything ok?" Olivia asked as she closed the door behind them.

"Actually, I've missed you." Alex said as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and pulled her into a kiss.

"I've missed you too." Olivia answered she finally pulled away.

"Missed me enough to join us for dinner tonight?"

"I would love too but you have Madison tonight so I will have to decline."

"Olivia we have not seen each other or been able to spend time with each other since we went to the pizza parlor."

"Alex you know how this job goes." Olivia sighed.

"Yes I know how the job goes and I know when someone is avoiding me, which you are detective. I want to know why."

"Alex I'm not avoiding you, I promise. You had Madison last weekend and Christine had the business trip this weekend and next weekend is your regular weekend. Since the following weekend you won't have her I say let's take a little weekend get-away."

"You have been avoiding me because of my daughter." Alex said with slight laughter in her voice. "Do you not like her because it's a packaged deal Olivia."

"No Alex I don't like your daughter." Olivia said walking away from Alex "I love her. She reminds me so much of you that it's scary. I think she is wonderful just like her mother."

"Then join us for dinner tonight." Alex whispered as she walked up behind Olivia and wrapped her arms around her. "We always pick up some carry out on the way home, make a little make shift picnic in the living room and I let her pick out a movie on pay per view. Nothing extravagant but it works for us."

"You have Madison."

"Who will never get to know you and love you like I do if you don't spend time with her."

"I don't want her to feel as if she's second fiddle."

"What would you say if I told you she's been asking about you and asked me earlier when she came to my office if you could join us tonight."

"Now you're trying to make me feel better." Olivia said turning around and wrapping her arms around Alex pulling her tight against her.

"Actually no I'm not. That's why we're here right now. She asked if you could join us so we stopped by to ask you but you were out. I went to ask Cragen if he knew when you would be back when you arrived. I saw you talking with Madison so I stayed back giving you guys some time."

"Why pull me in here if this was Madison's idea."

"I wanted to be sure you could make it before I let her ask you. She's been real upset lately and I didn't want to break her heart even more. So what do you say?"

"You know Ms. Cabot the thought of spending the evening with you and that little angel sounds wonderful and an offer I can't refuse "


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I want to thank everyone for sticking with this story and being so patient with my updates. I know they have become sporadic and I truly apologize for that but work decided to step in the way. I'm hoping soon everything will return to normal. If Madison seems a little grown up that is because I am basing her off my daughter who is ten going on thirty trust me. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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"How does movie night with your momma goes?" Olivia asked as she guided Madison and Alex onto the elevator.

"We stop by and pick up some take out. Tonight is momma's turn to choose. When we get home we change into comfy clothes and scoot all the furniture back. We throw a blanket on the floor with some pillows and have an indoor picnic while we watch a movie. It's a tradition with us every Friday."

"Really?"

"Yep, momma started it after her and mom got divorced." Madison explained.

"You wanted me to join the tradition tonight?" Olivia asked as she reached behind Madison and grabbed Alex's hand when she looked away. Anyone could tell that she was fighting back tears.

"Yes ma'am." Madison said giving Olivia a genuine smile.

"I'm very honored and touched thank you." Olivia said turning to Alex 'So what's for dinner?"

"We discussed it and we are in agreement that you should choose since it is your first night." Alex informed her as Madison stood by her momma shaking her head yes.

"Are you sure you want me too?" Olivia asked looking directly at Madison.

"We are." Madison answered as she looked up to Alex and then back to Olivia.

"Well I would love to choose but I have a problem that hopefully you can help me with." Olivia said as they stepped off the elevator and walked to the watch desk and signed out of the precinct.

"What is it?" Madison asked

"Simple short of a cheese pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni I have no clue what you like to eat and the last thing I want to do is choose a place that you don't like. So I would feel better if you chose for me."

"I can help with that." Madison said laughing "I eat anything but sushi. I hate sushi."

"I'm with you there." Olivia said holding the door open for Madison and Alex to walk through "So what do you think about Italian then."

"Can I get Alfredo?"

"Not only can you get the Alfredo but I'll make sure that it is the very best in all of New York." Olivia said as she opened the door to the pool car.

"Then Italian sounds great." Madison answered as she slid into the back seat.

"Good I happen to know an excellent Italian place that is a little out of the way but believe me it is well worth it." Olivia said as she held the door open for Alex to slid into the car before making her way around to the driver side.

"Where is it?" Madison asked as Olivia slid into the driver seat and started the car.

"L'Allegria on 9th Avenue, with any luck traffic won't be that bad and we can get there quickly, unless there is another restaurant that you would like to go to?"

It was almost thirty minutes later when they made it to Alex's and while everyone was changing she pushed the furniture back to make room for the indoor picnic. She laid out the blanket and tossed pillows on the floor for Madison to arrange how she wanted them.

"I could have done that." Alex said as she walked out smiling at all Olivia had done for her and Madison.

"Just trying to help." Olivia answered as she pulled the food from the bag and stacked them in the middle of the blanket "Can I ask you something and if you don't want to tell me that's fine."

"Liv you can ask me anything you know that." Alex said as she pulled Olivia into her arms "What is it?"

"You said at the station that Madison has been real upset lately, what did you mean by that?"

"I know she tries to hide it but she's still hurt over the divorce and she will be for a while. Then the rest of it stems from Christine and what happened last weekend. She feels as if she's become second fiddle with her and I don't know how to change that. I tried to talk to Christine about it but she was so kind to remind me that all of this was my fault, which as much as I want to deny it she is right, the divorce and subsequently my daughter's unhappiness is my fault."

"Honey it's not your fault." Olivia whispered.

"Isn't it." Alex whispered "because of my stupid assumptions I have hurt the two people who mean the most to me, you and Madison."

"Let me ask you something." Olivia said as she gently moved Alex's face so she was looking her in the eye "Would you have rather stayed in a loveless marriage that you were unhappy in and raise your daughter like that or let go and find your happiness. Show your daughter what a relationship full of love truly is like."

"Does it really matter because either which way Madison is the one who pays the ultimate price."

"Your right she does but you have to choose the lesser of two evils."

"Please don't misunderstand what I'm about to say but sometimes I wish I was back with Christine. That I could have kept up the charade longer."

"So Madison wouldn't have to endure what she did and both her parents would still be together." Olivia said understanding exactly what Alex was saying "If there was a way I could take her pain I would. With that said do you think that the best thing we can do right now for her is to separate till she's more adjusted?"

"I don't know honestly.' Alex sighed "I've made so many mistakes with you and her. I want us to have what we had before and at the same time I want my daughter happy. Tell me how to do that without losing one or both of you. Can you?"

"I can't but as of right now but let's continue this discussion later we are about to have company." Olivia said nodding toward the hallway.

"Hey baby." Alex said after taking a deep breath and plastering on a smile. "Olivia has already moved the furniture for us and laid the blanket out. You just have to arrange the pillows how you want them and choose the movie."

"Ok" Madison said as she skipped past Alex and began moving the pillows around. After a few minutes she looked up at both of the women who were watching her intently "Momma you sit here and Olivia you sit here and I will sit in the middle. I want to rent Safe Haven."

"You know how to do it." Alex said as she handed Madison the remote and waited for her to join her and Olivia.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I know I was able to update again so soon. The officer that I was training was let loose last night so I didn't have a shadow following me which made me happy so I could write only for us to get slammed. That's the good news that only lasted last night. Startign Monday I have a whole new Officer to train and shadow me around so I dont know when I will be able to update again but I promise it will be as soon as possible.**

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"I think someone is out." Olivia whispered as she looked down at Madison who had fallen asleep halfway through the movie and curled up into her.

"She usually does." Alex whispered smiling at seeing her daughter curled up with Olivia. She wasn't sure what made her heart skip a beat more. How Madison rolled away from her and into Olivia sighing or how Olivia without even realizing it had wrapped her arm around the sleeping child and began to gently pat her back.

"Want me to carry her to the bedroom." Olivia asked smiling down at the sleeping blonde.

"Sure." Alex choked out as her eyes were flooded with tears.

"Hey" Olivia whispered as she reached across and cradled Alex's face in her hand gently wiping away the tears that had fallen "let me put her to bed and we will talk ok."

"I'll put the coffee on." Alex said as best she could through the tears.

Olivia nodded as she carefully untangled herself from the sleeping child being very careful not to wake her. With what appeared to be practiced ease she lifted Madison up and cradled her in her arms as she walked down the hallway and tucking her into bed. She stood at the doorway and watched Madison sleep for a few minutes before she made her way to the kitchen.

"Didn't even wake up when I placed her in bed." Olivia whispered into Alex's ear as she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her tight against her.

"Thank you." Alex said as she leaned into Olivia's embrace and closed her eyes.

"Looks like someone else is tired too." Olivia said kissing Alex's temple "Want me to leave so you can get some sleep?"

"No I want you to stay." Alex answered as she twisted around and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck "I want you to take me into the bedroom and make mad passionate love all night long is what I want. Since I know that's not happening tonight I'll settle for a conversation."

Olivia swallowed hard at hearing what Alex wanted. They hadn't been together since that night that Alex was at her apartment and they sure hadn't had time to discuss what happened. If she knew Alex she knew there were questions from that night.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Olivia finally asked once she found her voice.

"Yeah I would like any input from earlier." Alex said as she sat at the table "How can I get back what we had all the while keeping my daughter happy and not losing either one of you."

"Take it one day at a time Alex." Olivia answered "Bring me in when she feels comfortable to have me around and leave me out of the equation when she doesn't. The weekends and during the week when you don't have her we will utilize that as some us time."

"So every other weekend I have to neglect you and leave you out of the equation. An equation that I would like to have you permanently added too, might I add."

"I'm not saying you will be neglecting me and I don't want you to feel like that either. When you have her if she mentions that she wants me to spend time with the two of you just call me and I will if I can. Do not ask her every weekend that you have her because then she will feel required to spend time with me and ultimately hate me. Give it time and give her time. If we play our cards right she'll come around and I could possibly be added permanently."

"There is no possibly to it. Olivia the biggest mistake of my life was when I walked out and asked for a divorce. Those years after that were hell for me and I have no intentions of repeating a life without you, so yes you will be added permanently. The only good thing that came from our divorce is down the hall asleep."

"Why don't you tell me how you really feel there counselor." Olivia said laughing.

"I'm sorry" Alex sighed "I'm mad at Christine for what's she's doing. I know it's just to get back at me but the only one she is hurting in the process is Madison and I can't get her to see that. I'm mad at myself because when I see you with her I can't help but think that that could have been us had I not thought I knew what was best for you. Then I'm mad at you for not fighting me on the divorce so that that could have been us."

"Hold a lot of anger and guilt in much?"

"I guess you could say so."

"Let's start with the latter and work our way back" Olivia said as she moved closer to Alex "I already told you I wouldn't fight you on the divorce because I didn't want you to end up hating me. So I gave you everything you asked for and walked away. Secondly which goes hand in hand with what I previously said and that is you can't let the past run your future and you have to let it go. You made a mistake by asking for a divorce. Hell I made a mistake by not asking you to work it out. We both had our hand in destroying our relationship. It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to destroy a marriage. Lastly I don't know what to tell you about Christine except I can have a little talk with her if you like. Make her see how she is only hurting Madison and no one else."

"Oh yeah I can see how great that will be." Alex said laughing.

"It's an option."

"I know and thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me to know you would go to bat for my daughter."

"Alex she's a wonderful little girl that after two outings I'm already very fond of." Olivia said smiling. "Not to mention you know I will do anything to keep you two happy."

"You know that's just one of the many reasons why I love you so much."

"I know." Olivia said as she stood "As much as I would like to stay here I need to head home. If you or Madison needs anything tomorrow let me know."

"I can tell you right now that I need you." Alex said standing and following Olivia to the door.

"I know beautiful but the question is…"

"Will Madison want you around tomorrow" Alex finished for Olivia.

"You got it." Olivia answered as she leaned forward and kissed Alex. "If she does call me, if she doesn't call me after she's asleep tomorrow night."

"Deal" Alex said as Olivia walked out the door and she locked it behind her. After taking a few minutes to clean up and checking in on Madison Alex finally climbed into bed. As she laid there replaying everything that had happened that evening she thank god she had someone as understanding as Olivia was in her life at the moment.


	18. Chapter 18

Alex walked into her apartment and dropped everything by the door. Today had been one of those days that made her want to crawl back in bed and hit the rewind button. Since early this morning her and Olivia had been at one another's throat to the point that they exchanged words in front of the squad, something they had never done before even when they were married. The last fight that had thankfully occurred in her office was probably the worse by far.

"What the hell is your problem today?" Olivia asked as she stormed into Alex's office slamming the door behind her.

"Mine? What the hell is yours?" Alex shot back.

"You and your god forsaken attitude that you've had all day."

"I haven't had an attitude." Alex shot back defensively even though she knew she had and really couldn't tell anyone why.

"Bullshit." Olivia shot back "You have been a bitch from hell today. If its that time of the month warn me and I will steer clear of you."

"Oh yeah that's right Olivia just because a woman is voicing her opinion it must be her monthly. Jesus have you truly been working with the boys so long that you know believe that. If that's the case you certainly aren't the woman I remembered you being."

"You're right I'm not" Olivia said as she turned and stalked toward the door "And you can thank yourself for that."

Now almost five hours later she still felt like the heel she felt when Olivia walked out and slammed her office door again. She had tried to call her but Olivia had promptly ignored all calls from her. She had considered storming into the precinct and confronting her but since the morning started out as a shouting match she opted not to. Hoping that after a night of cool down both would be able to sit down and talk everything out like adults.

She had stripped her clothes off and was about to jump into a much needed scalding hot shower when she heard someone knocking at her door. Deciding that she was in no mood for visitors she opted to ignore the knocking and began to step into the shower but stopped again at the urgency and non-stop knocking. Sighing realizing that her needed relaxation shower would have to wait she grabbed her robe and headed toward the door. She only prayed that whoever was on the other side of the door would make their conversational piece extremely short.

"I happen to be…" Alex started to say but stopped when she saw Olivia standing at her door with a dozen roses.

"Waiting on me to come by and tell you what an ass I am and how sorry I am about everything." Olivia said with a smile as she held the flowers out to Alex.

"Actually no." Alex said smiling as she accepted the flowers and stepped to the side to allow Olivia to enter.

"What were you going to say then?" Olivia asked as she shyly looked around. In all honesty after their last blow up and Olivia avoiding Alex she half expected the blonde to slam the door in her face and was more than shocked when she didn't.

"It doesn't matter." Alex whispered as she stepped up to Olivia and tenderly laid a kiss on her lips. "I'm sorry too I was an ass myself and I am sorry about everything as well."

"It's ok" Olivia answered "You know what they say we take our anger our on the ones we love the most."

"That still doesn't make it right." Alex said as she placed the roses in a vase and placed them on her coffee table

"NO but you know what else they say?"

"I have no clue detective" Alex whispered in a seductive tone as she wrapped her arms around the detective's neck and played with hair at the nape of her neck.

"That make up sex is the best." Olivia whispered into her ear.

"I have no clue what you're talking about" Alex said feigning innocence even though she knew all too well what Olivia was talking about. Their sex life was always outstanding but there was something about having sex after an argument that always heated the bed room up at least fifty degrees.

"Well then let me show you." Olivia whispered as she carefully began to guide Alex down the hall and toward the bedroom. They were almost to their destination when there was another knock on the door.

"You expecting someone else?" Olivia asked glancing back at the door.

"No and whoever it is can take a hint and leave." Alex answered as she pulled Olivia's face back in her direction.

"Alex open the door I know you're in there." Christine called out as she beat on the door harder.

"Except for her" Alex moaned as she untangled herself from Olivia's gasp "I'm sorry baby it could be something to do with Madison. Give me five minutes ok?"

"You can have as long as it takes if it's about Madison." Olivia said meaning every word as she kissed Alex on the temple and pushed her toward the door.

"Christine" Alex said opening the door partly "What is it?"

"I need to talk to you." Christine said as she tried to push her way into the apartment unsuccessfully.

"About?"

"Jesus Christ Alex let me in so the neighbors don't have to hear our personal business." Christine said trying to look around Alex "Or do you have company?"

"I do have company." Alex said as she pulled her robe tighter "what is wrong?"

"I'm here to talk to you about Madison."

"Come in" Alex said stepping aside so Christine could enter.

"So where's your guest waiting in the bedroom for you?" Christine asked as she looked Alex up and down.

"What about Madison?" Alex asked not taking the bait.

"I hear you are seeing Olivia again."

"Christine we've been over this. I am sorry that I lied to you. I did love you but not in the way you deserved and you will forever hold a piece of my heart because you are the mother of our child."

"Still avoided the obvious like you always did when it came to her." Christine said looking around for any sign that Olivia was there.

"Yes I am seeing Olivia" Alex finally said giving in and telling her what she wanted to hear "I made no secret that I wanted to try and pursue her once the divorce was final. I don't know how but I was lucky enough to get a second chance with her and I treasure every minute. And if that's why you are here then please leave now."

"I'm here because Madison. Because you've had our daughter around that woman and I don't appreciate it."

"You don't appreciate, you don't appreciate it." Alex said running her hands through her hair "Christine we are over there will be new women in our, well your life. There will only be one in mine and that is Olivia. At some point I plan to make her a permanent fixture in my life which means she will be a permanent fixture in our daughter's life as well."

"Oh great now you two can go off and have that perfect family you always wanted with her but never could have." Christine sneered "All with our daughter. Is that the purpose of allowing that bitch around her to turn our daughter against me so she wants to live here."

"Christine I have never said one bad word concerning you to our daughter and the purpose of Olivia spending time with her is so that she can get used to and get along with Olivia."

"So instead of spending time with our daughter on your weekends you bring Olivia along so you spend time with her and not with Madison."

"No I only come along if Madison approves of it and I leave when she's ready for me to go" Olivia said as she walked to where Alex stood. "Your daughter calls the shots."

"Yeah your right my daughter" Christine said as she closed the gap between them "Madison is my daughter not yours."

"I'm not trying to take her from you" Olivia said not backing down "But I'll be honest with you if you don't stop your bullshit you're going to push her away on your own."

"Oh so now you're going to tell me how to handle my daughter."

"No I'm going to tell you to stop breaking her heart. You're little weekend stunts where suddenly you have a meeting, which we all know is a date including Madison, is tearing that little girl up. I have over heard her talking to Alex asking her if mom really loves her and if she does why does she always push her off on her. I have held this woman right here as she has cried her eyes out because her daughter is so sure she is an inconvenience to you and she doesn't know how to change that because you are the only one who can."

"She will never be an inconvenience to me." Christine almost cried as she took a step back "She was the best thing that ever happened to me and definitely the best thing that ever came out of our marriage."

"Then start showing it." Alex said "You have every other weekend free if you want to make a weekend with whoever you are dating do it then. Don't mistake that as me saying I don't want Madison because you would be lying. I will gladly take her every weekend but you need to spend time with her. Show her she isn't second in your life. Because if you don't you are going to lose her on your own."

"I can't lose her." Christine cried when the full reality of what she was doing hit her.

"Then straighten up" Olivia said placing a hand on her shoulder "And you won't."

"I need to leave" Christine said as she headed for the door she stopped with her hand on the knob and turned to face Olivia "You know it was always you. You have held her heart since day one and I hope you realize what a treasure that is. You have something most people don't get, a second chance. Use it wisely because I know I would give anything for a second chance with her."

"I will." Olivia almost whispered.

"Good." Christine said more to herself than anyone in the room as she walked out the door.

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**A/N: As I post this chapter I am amazed at what was supposed to be a one shot is now 18 chapters long and I still see many more coming. I know this probably isnt the context that yo uexpected Christine to appear but as I like to say its the way the train rolled. I hope everyone enjoys and as always reviews are welcomed.**


	19. Chapter 19

"Well if that wasn't a wonderful ending to such a wonderful day" Alex sighed as she glanced at Olivia "I would say what's next but I'm too scared too after the day I've had."

"Today wasn't that bad was it?" Olivia asked as she turned to face Alex.

"Well gee I don't know let's talk about that." Alex said wrapping her arms around Olivia and pulling her to her "We have fought all day long over basically nothing. Then when you come here and apologize my ex shows up and you have to over hear everything."

"Honey couples fight. Hell I remember when we were first married some of the fights we had. Let's face facts here Christine will forever be in your life and nights like to night will happen. She is the mother of your child."

"I know. I guess I wanted to keep you from that part and not have to hear what Christine has to say about you and us being together again."

"If I am to become a permanent part of this equation I will have to be in the same room with her and at times talk to her. You can't protect me from everything just like I can't protect you from everything. Besides I do understand where she's coming from."

"You do?" Alex asked pulling back to look Olivia in the eyes.

"I do, because as indirect as it was I was responsible for the divorce and the break up of Madison's home."

"Liv you had nothing to do with it."

"Didn't I? Had I never ran into you at the café you may have been able to stay with her? Not break her heart and I know what that's like."

"As much as I know you would like to take full responsibility for what happened you can't." Alex sighed "I was already considering divorce that day you met us at the café. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get my mind off you and lord knows you still held my heart. I had already met with a divorce attorney, actually the same one I used during our divorce, and was set to file papers till I saw you. When I saw you with Rollins and you looked so happy I couldn't come between that no matter how much I loved you. I would rather be your friend and see you happy with someone else than to step in and be a home wrecker."

"Then you found out about our *separation*."

"Yeah and I couldn't pretend anymore. We had a huge blow up that night. Everything that we had been sweeping under the rug finally came to a head. I had found out about your separation about a week before hand. I did my best to push my feelings for you to the back burner but the more I tried the more I couldn't. After we put Madison to bed I told Christine that I was sorry but I wanted a divorce. She knew instantly."

"Can you tell me about that night?" Olivia asked guiding Alex to the couch 'We've never discussed it and I'll admit I have been more than curious.

Alex sat there and let her mind wander back to the night that she broke Christine's heart as she began to tell Olivia.

"_Al what's wrong you've been distant all week." Christine said as she pulled the sheets back on the bed._

"_I've had a lot on my mind." Alex said absent minded as she mimicked Christine's actions. _

"_There's more to it."_

"_Yeah there is." Alex said as she sat on the edge of the bed "Christine I'm sorry but I want a divorce."_

"_Is it because of her?" Christine almost snarled as she walked around to face Alex "Is it?'_

"_Who is her?"_

"_OH don't pull that lawyer bullshit with me now." Christine said closing the gap till she was inches from Alex's face "You know damn good and well who I'm talking about, Olivia Benson."_

"_Yes it is."_

"_How long have you been sleeping with her?"_

"_I have not cheated on you Christine." Alex said jumping up and pushing Christine back "Keep your voice down before you wake Madison."_

"_Don't lie to me Alexandra you have been different since that day at the café." Christine growled "Is that when it started? Did you bring her here?"_

"_NO I HAVEN'T" Alex yelled spinning around to face Christine "I haven't seen her since the café but I do plan to pursue a relationship if I am lucky enough to get a second chance."_

"_So you're going to become a home wrecker" Christine laughed _

"_Not a home wrecker, her and Amanda have broken up."_

"_Have you been stalking her?"_

"_No but we do have mutual friends who shared with me that they had broken up."_

"_Be honest with me did you ever love me?"_

"_I did and a part of me still does." Alex said as she opened a suitcase and began to place her clothes in it "I just don't love you the way you deserve. I'm not being fair to you, me, or Madison."_

"_So walking out on us is being fair. Putting your family on the back burner so you can chase a piece of ass that you've already had and didn't bother to fight for you in the divorce is fair. Let me ask you this, what if she refuses you and doesn't give you this second chance that you're so sure she will give you. What then?"_

"_I don't have to worry about not getting a second chance. It may take a lot of work and a hell of lot of groveling on my end but I will become her wife again."_

"_What about Madison? Are you just going to toss her to the side once you get your happily ever after with this common cop."_

"_First of all she is a detective and damn good at her job. The best there is if you ask me. Secondly don't you ever ever address her in that manner again. Lastly and most importantly I will never toss my daughter to the side. She will come first in my life and in my relationship with Olivia. But out of respect for you and Madison I will not pursue any relationship till after the divorce is final."_

"_If you walk out that door I will take you to the cleaners. I hope you know that."_

"_Actually there's no need" Alex said turning around to face Christine "You can have everything I don't care. I will start fresh."_

"After that I walked out and never looked back. I saw my attorney first thing the next morning and had him file the papers." Alex said as she finally looked up at Olivia "Although I can say she stood true to her word on taking me to the cleaners."

"Alex you gave up your family wealth just to be with me?" Olivia asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Actually no I didn't but if I had to you're more than worth it detective, more than worth it." Alex whispered as she leaned forward and gently kissed Olivia.


	20. Chapter 20

Alex rolled over and propped her head on her elbow as she stared at Olivia's naked form laying next to her. She was a few pounds heavier than when they were first together but lord her body was one for the books. One she had just had the honor of worshiping for the better part of the night.

"This is new" Alex whispered as traced a scar on her right side "What happened?"

"Me and Elliot was chasing a perp that went down an alley. I turned the corner first and he was right there. Before I knew it he stabbed me." Olivia said as she turned her head to look at Alex. "I didn't realize I was injured till after we had the cuffs on him and was walking him back to the car. Elliot called for a sector car to take the perp and then escorted me to Mercy."

"How man stitches?"

"Five."

"Let me guess you missed no time at work either." Alex said with slight laughter in her voice. Anyone who knew Olivia knew nothing ever kept her from work.

"Desk duty per Captain Cragen for two days." Olivia said laughing as well "After that I was instructed to take it easy. I guess Cragen got tired of seeing me pace the squad room and chew at the bits whenever the guys went out to follow some leads. He did tell me the first time I got into anything I would be desk duty till the stitches were removed."

"So for once you were extra careful?"

"God yes the last thing I wanted to do was get stuck at a desk for another four weeks. Although there was one altercation that I had to beg Cragen not to place me back on the desk. It was one I couldn't help."

"What was it?"

"The guy charged out of a closet and plowed into Elliot. When he did that he plowed into me as well. We both dropped our weapons so it was a hands on fight. When we were done I pulled my shirt up and had Elliot make sure all the stitches were still intact."

"I take it they were." Alex said as she leaned down and kissed the scar.

"Yeah thank god."

"What about the one on your neck?' Alex asked as she traced the small scar that was barely visible.

"There was a guy named Gitano that had killed a mother and father and took off with both kids. We had tracked him to the train station and he had grabbed me and placed a knife at my throat. He cut my throat and took off with the little boy he had kidnapped. Instead of following him Elliot stopped and saved me. We lost the little boy and almost lost the little girl too. He had a gun to Elliot's head and I couldn't take the shot. Thankfully ESU had arrived in time and took him out."

"I'm glad he stopped and saved you." Alex said as she kissed the scar.

"We lost a child Alex" Olivia said rolling away "We put ourselves before the job and you never do that. Not at the cost of a victim."

"You're human Olivia" Alex said as she pulled Olivia to her and forced her to look at her "He's your only family and you didn't want to lose him the same as he didn't want to lose you."

"After that case I transferred to computer crimes for a little bit and then Dana asked me to go undercover for the FBI and I agreed. We needed a break from each other we were too close."

"You two have always had a close relationship Liv. It happens when you spend as much time together as you guys did. To be honest there were times that I was jealous of him because of how close you guys were."

"Why?" Olivia asked realizing she never knew that.

"He was the one you always turned to when you were hurt or injured, even after we were married. It took me a while to realize that for a long time that was all you knew and had. Although I knew as long as he was by your side I never had to worry."

"He was an excellent partner." Olivia sighed. "I miss him."

"I know you do." Alex said as she leaned down and kissed Olivia. "You two were quite the pair."

"You have no clue." Olivia said laughing "There was one case while we were separated that I had to pose as a prostitute and stand next to him in just my underwear."

"Talk about awkward." Alex said laughing.

"But that doesn't beat us posing as a couple in a swingers club. Now that was fun. Just to look on Elliot's face when so many women approached him was worth every second. I also learned from that experience that I can not only rack in the women but apparently the men as well."

"Honey you have always underestimated your beauty and attraction level of others. I can't think of one time we have gone out that every set of eyes wasn't following your every move."

"Please they were following you and wondering how the hell did I manage to get with such a beautiful woman." Olivia countered.

"Because you let me be me and I let you be you." Alex answered without thinking

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Can I ask you something?" Alex said in a somber tone.

"Alex you know you can ask me anything." Olivia whispered as she pushed a piece of hair from her face.

"Who was there for you when the cases got too rough?"

"You mean who did I go to for my release?" Olivia asked clarifying what she knew Alex was asking.

"Yeah."

"Most of the time it was random strangers I found in the bar." Olivia said. She hated telling Alex but she swore that this time there would be no secrets and was determined to stand true to that. "I was in a relationship with one woman and really broke her heart. I knew what it felt like to be in love with someone and not have them love you back. After that I swore I would never put anyone else through that again."

"Oh ok." Alex mumbled as she rolled back onto her back.

"Hey" Olivia said as she rolled on top of Alex "I was careful and have tested clean. I can and will get retested again if that will make you feel better."

"That's not it." Alex said as she played with Olivia's wedding ring that she still wore around her neck. Even though she knew it was still a long way off she couldn't wait till she could slip it back on Olivia's finger for the last time.

"What is it then?" Olivia asked as she tried to get Alex to look at her

"To know I hurt you that much and sent you to strangers who never understood your need for release or why you did what you did those times." Alex said as a tear escaped from her eyes "That's what bothers me."

"Look at me baby." Olivia pleaded when no matter what she did Alex refused to look at her.

Alex took a deep breath and locked eyes with Olivia. The openness and love she saw shining in her eyes brought tears to her eyes

"We are right where we are supposed to be now and that's all that matters." Olivia whispered as a small smirk crossed her face "Besides I think it's just that you are jealous of the other women?"

"I am not jealous of them." Alex said as she raised her chin in a defiant pose.

"Yes you are." Olivia said laughing as she began tickling Alex.

"No I'm not" Alex said laughing as she tried unsuccessfully to squirm away from Olivia.

"Admit and I'll stop." Olivia said laughing with Alex, God how she had missed the sound of her laughter.

"Ok yes yes." Alex finally relented and admitted "I'm jealous because they got to touch this wonderful body and better yet they were touched by you. That is a treasure and a pleasure all of its own."

"Your right they did touch me and I touched them" Olivia said as she leaned down to whisper into Alex's ear "But my mind was with you the whole time."

"I love you." Alex choked out as she wrapped her arms tightly around Olivia and held her to her.


	21. Chapter 21

Olivia ran her hands through her hair as she stared at the screen before her. She was frustrated and beyond pissed. She was frustrated because they were currently working a case where a man would kidnap a young child and would hold them hostage for twelve hours while he raped and tortured them. They were no closer to finding the perp than they were the day they got the first call. He was slick and left little to no evidence for them to go off of. He always made the girls shower and douche before he would release them to destroy any DNA they could possibly recover. His grab zone was all over the map the same as his victims which made it almost impossible to profile him, giving them no starting point.

"There has got to be a connection between the four girls." Olivia growled as she slammed the file down on her desk.

"If there is we can't find it." Rollins said looking up from her desk "They never went to the same preschool, they didn't share the same doctor, or ever visited the same area other than the normal attractions."

"Attractions? What attractions?" Amaro asked looking up from his computer.

"The normal ones all parents take their kids to the zoo, central park, the art museum, things like that."

"How often and frequent did they go to the zoo?" Olivia asked hoping they finally had a break.

"Let's see" Rollins said picking up the files and looking through them "The Sanchez family visited the Zoo last week and the other three families hasn't been to the zoo in over two years."

"What about central park?"

"Again they visit there at least once a year. They all had visited more often when they lived in the city but since everyone moved further out the city limits they haven't."

"All the families have moved?" Olivia asked hoping that this was the connection they had been missing.

"Yeah over the last year and a half they have all bought houses and moved out of the city main life."

"Same realtors'?" Fin piped in.

"No."

"Moving company's?"

"No."

"Then damn it how the hell he knows these little girls and picks them." Olivia almost yelled as she slammed her fist onto the counter.

"I don't know." Rollins sighed. Everyone was feeling Olivia's frustration at the constant dead ends. "But why don't you take ten you have some visitor's that just walked in."

Olivia turned around and saw Alex and Madison standing at the doors smiling. Tonight was supposed to be Friday night movie night and thanks to this scum she had to cancel on them, something she had managed to avoid doing since they began including her almost three months prior.

"Hey Olivia" Madison said as she quickly left her mother's side and ran to the detective who welcomed her with open arms.

"Hey sweetie." Olivia said as she picked the girl up and motioned to Rollins to turn the screen off before Madison saw anything. "What are you guys doing here?"

"When I told someone that you couldn't join us she wanted to stop by and see you." Alex said walking up to them and chastely kissing Olivia. "How can I say no?"

"Yeah Madison I'm really sorry I can't join you tonight but I promise to make it up too you sweetheart." Olivia said as she guided Alex to the interview room while still carrying Madison.

"It's ok Olivia. Momma said you have to stay here to catch a perp to try to keep me and other children safe."

"I do baby but I feel bad about having to break my promise to be there with you guys tonight." Olivia sighed the disappointment more than apparent in her voice no matter how hard she tried.

"It's ok" Madison whispered as she hugged Olivia "Me and momma brought you a surprise that will make you feel better."

"Just seeing you and your momma has already made me feel better."

"I know but momma says this will make you really feel better."

"Does she now?" Olivia asked as she looked over Madison's shoulder and raised an eyebrow at Alex who looked away and blushed slightly.

"Yep."

"So are you going to tell me what it is?" Olivia asked as she tickled Madison, laughing along with the little girl as she squirmed and giggled.

"No silly." Madison said through laughter "If I did it wouldn't be a surprise."

"Well then I guess I will just have to wait for it." Olivia said as she stopped tickling Madison and looked up at Alex. She felt a lump in her throat form at the look she was receiving from her.

"Actually you don't have to wait long because it just arrived." Alex said closing her eyes and trying to get her emotions under control before walking out of the room into the bull pen.

Olivia stood and quietly followed Alex and Madison out into the bull pen. She would be the first to admit her curiosity was truly getting the best of her at that moment. When she saw and realized what her surprise was she couldn't help but laugh. Not three feet in front of her was a delivery man from her favorite Italian restaurant.

"So" Alex said turning around to face Olivia "Since you couldn't make it Madison not only wanted to see you but she wanted to do something for you since you're working so hard. I told her the best thing that we could possibly do is to order dinner and have it brought here for you since I knew you wouldn't eat anything but what you could get out of the vending machines."

"Thank you sweetie." Olivia said truly touched by the little girl's actions.

"You're welcome." Madison said taking Olivia's hand "But that's not the best part."

"You're right it's not. The best part is that you did this. " Olivia said swinging the little girl up on her hip again.

"No Olivia the best part is we have dinner for…" Madison stopped and looked at Alex "We have dinner for the guys as well."

"How?" Olivia asked knowing that Alex still didn't know Rollins and Amaro as well as she did Cragen, Fin, and Munch.

"When we devised this little plan to bring you dinner I called Fin and had him get everyone's order but yours. I made sure that he let everyone know not to grab anything if they could hold out until we made it here."

"I promise you Alex if you were any later we would have had to break our promise to you." Rollins said as she handed out everyone's meal so she could find hers. They may have started out on a rocky patch but since she was willing to right her wrongs with Olivia she was willing to give her a chance and attempt a friendship with her. One that seemed to be coming along rather well considering the supposed *past* she had with Olivia.

"I had to time it just right." Alex said thankful that over the past few months the two of them had gotten on speaking terms without the killer looks. There was no doubt that the guys appreciated their truce as well. No one looked like that were ready to launch out of their chairs to come between the two women anymore.

"Baby this is wonderful" Olivia said as she finally let Madison stand back up on her own "and believe me when I say your momma was right that this was exactly what we all needed. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Madison answered with a beaming smile. "I hope everyone enjoys it."

"You guys aren't having dinner with us?" Olivia asked slightly disappointed that she wouldn't be able to spend more time with them.

"No honey." Alex answered stepping forward to be closer to Olivia "I asked her and she said she wanted to keep up with the Friday night routine but she wanted to come and see you since you couldn't make it. I told her that we could do that."

"In that case I want you two to head home and have the time of your life with movie night." Olivia said "And I'm really sorry I had to cancel on you."

"It's ok I promise." Madison answered as she walked up and hugged Olivia "Will you be able to come by tomorrow?"

Olivia who was shocked at the question looked at Alex with a questioning look who just shrugged her shoulders and mouthed "it's up to you."

"I can't promise you anything but I will try ok." Olivia said getting down on one knee so she could look Madison in the eyes.

"Ok." Madison answered appearing to be very happy with the answer.

"Can you promise me something?" Alex asked coming even closer to Olivia.

"I will always be careful honey." Olivia responded.

"Thank you but I want you to promise me something else."

"What is it baby?"

"No matter what time you get out, if you get out tonight, either call or come over."

"I promise you no matter what time I leave I will come over. Now you two get out of here and be careful." Olivia said hugging Madison before standing and hugging Alex. There was no hiding the smile on her face as she watched Alex and Madison walk out of the precinct.

* * *

**A/N: I know you were hoping for more discussions between the two women that will come later but as we all know life always seems to get in the way of our dreams. That is especially true if your a member of the thin blue line. I want to thank everyone for reading and following the story. As always reviews are welcomed.**


	22. Chapter 22

Alex rolled over and looked at her sleeping lover when she heard Madison moving around in the living room. It had been close to three am when Olivia called her and said that they were calling it a night. She had told her she would call her when she woke up but Alex had insisted on her coming over despite all the objections she heard coming from her. She knew that if Olivia had gone home she would have spent at least another two hours combing the files trying to find a link and only take an hour nap before she would head back into work. What really melt her heart even more as if that was possible was what Olivia did when she arrived.

"Come on honey." Alex whispered when she opened the door "Give me a few minutes and the shower will be nice and hot for you."

"Honey I'm only stopping by so you can physically see I am ok." Olivia told her as she quickly took the blonde in her arms and kissed her "You have Madison this weekend and you know I will not stay when she is here."

"I have news for you detective you will be staying tonight." Alex sighed as she laid her head on her chest "You are dead on your feet and need some rest."

"Baby." Olivia started to say but was stopped when Alex placed a finger on her lips.

"We can argue this all you want once you've gotten some sleep but as of right now you are staying here." Alex informed her as she began to pull her down the hall way toward her bedroom but stopped when Olivia pulled her hand free. She thought it was because they were about to pass Madison's room she turned around to insist once again on her staying when she saw Olivia staring into Madison's room watching her sleep..

"Liv?" Alex whispered so not to wake up her daughter.

"They were all about her age." Olivia mumbled as she stared out into the darkened room at the sleeping figure that was sprawled out across the bed "So young and sweet and innocent. Any one of them could have been her."

"But it wasn't" Alex answered as she walked up behind Olivia and wrapped her arms her laying her head on her shoulder and looked into her daughter's bedroom.

"It could have been."

"It wasn't honey and that's what you need to remember. Those little girls are not Madison."

"What if it was?" Olivia asked finally turning around to face Alex with tears in her eyes "Alex I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her. I love her. I love you."

"Shh." Alex whispered unable to say anything else without losing control of her emotions. After a few minutes of holding each other she was finally able to guide Olivia into the bathroom for a quick shower and then into the bed. She was pretty sure Olivia was asleep before her head ever hit the pillow.

As quietly as she could, not wanting to wake Olivia, she slipped out of the bed and into the living room before Madison's noise would wake Olivia.

"Hey baby." Alex said smiling at her daughter who had just turned the TV on.

"Hey momma."

"Did you sleep well?'

"I did. Did you?"

"I did baby." Alex said tying her robe "come on let's go fix breakfast ok?"

"Sure." Madison said jumping up from the couch and skipping into the kitchen "Will Olivia be able to join us today?"

Alex took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it before turning around to face Madison. There was never an easy way to tell your child that the person in question had spent the night.

"Baby I had Olivia come here last night when she finally left the precinct. She's currently in my room sleeping."

"Like Carmen does with mommy?"

"Uhh" Alex said caught off guard but quickly gathered herself "Who's Carmen?"

"Mommy's new girlfriend she's been staying at the apartment a lot."

"When you say a lot how often are we talking about Madison?" Alex asked. She didn't really care that Christine had finally found someone. In all honesty she was thankful that she had finally moved on but she still wanted to know who she had around their daughter.

"Almost every night now, just last week they were moving boxes into your old office."

"Well, Olivia stays here every now and then but we aren't moving any boxes in ok" Alex informed her daughter "I promise you before Olivia does move in we will talk about it. I won't just let her move in until you are ok with her being here all the time."

"I like her momma." Madison said walking up to Alex and hugging her "can I tell you something?"

"Honey" Alex said guiding Madison to the table "No matter what it is you can tell me anything. If for some reason you don't feel comfortable telling me you can tell your mommy or Olivia or any of the guys at the station or my office. I want you to be able to talk to anyone I would just like it to be someone I trust."

"I really love Olivia." Madison said looking to the ground. "She's always really nice to me and you're so happy all the time now."

"Honey I'm glad you love Olivia" Alex said raising the little girl's head so she could look into her eyes "Believe me she really loves you. Why were you scared to tell me that?"

"I overheard her saying to Carmen that Olivia was trying to take me from her. I don't want to leave mommy." Madison said with tears brimming her eyes.

"The last thing I will ever do is take you from your mommy." Olivia said from where she stood in the doorway watching the scene before her. She was going to announce her presence when she heard Madison say that she wanted to tell her something. She'd been a detective long enough to know that if she did at that moment then Madison was likely to clam up. "I will never take you from your momma either for that matter."

Alex looked up and smiled at Olivia who was standing in the doorway. One look at her face she could tell that she had overheard everything.

"I'm sorry if we woke you." Alex finally said "I was hoping you could get a little more sleep."

"It's ok" Olivia said a she walked up and squatted by Madison "Hey there champ. I need you to answer a few questions for me ok."

Madison nodded afraid that she might be in trouble.

"Do you feel like I am trying to take you from Christine?"

Madison shrugged her shoulders not sure how to answer.

"Madison I need to know ok."

"She says that's why you're so nice to me." Madison finally answered after a few minutes of silence "So it won't hurt that much when you take me away from good."

"Honey I'm nice to you because I love you and care for you." Olivia answered glancing at Alex "And I love your momma. It's not so I can take you from Christine. She is your mommy and will forever be your mommy. Nothing and I do mean nothing will ever change that."

"So you don't want me?"

"Yes baby I want you." Olivia said placing a hand on the little girl's knee "Not like she is talking about."

"I understand."

"Do you really honey?" Alex asked needing for Madison to understand fully.

"I do Momma." Madison explained "She wants me but not to take me from mommy. She wants to be here with me and you as a friend and not take me away."

"Exactly." Olivia answered smiling when the little girl wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and hugged her.

"Can you stay?" Alex asked falling even more in love with the detective watching her interact with her daughter.

"I don't know." Olivia answered looking at Madison "Can I?"

"Please."

"Then I will stay." Olivia said standing "So how about you and me cook some breakfast and let your momma go in the living room and relax. She's had a hard night."

"I've had a hard night" Alex said laughing "You're the one who didn't get off till almost three and only had about six hours of sleep. So no I will not go in the living room and relax but you will go in to the living room and relax while me and Madison cook you breakfast."

"Alex…"

"No arguments woman, now get in there." Alex said standing and pushing Olivia toward the door "You deserve to be pampered today and you will be by me and Madison."

Olivia couldn't do anything but comply when Madison grabbed her by the hand and led her into the living room. She quietly took her seat and accepted the remote from Madison who was grinning ear to ear. She glanced back at Alex and winked at her mouthing I love you before leaning back and closing her eyes.

* * *

**Did you really think we were done with Christine and her little tricks? Oh the joy of dealing with ex's when you bring someone new into yours and your childs life.**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Thought I would give you guys a quick update. Since it will probably be next week before I can update again. You can blame my job and what's called Rolling Thunder on the future delay. The turn out for this story is amazing and I can't thank you enough.**

* * *

"What do you want?" Christine growled when she opened the door and saw Olivia standing there.

"I want to talk to you." Olivia stated "It's important."

"I have nothing to say to you." Christine said as she started to shut the door.

"That's great" Olivia answered back as she slammed her hand on the door and pushed back "I have plenty to say to you so it should go quickly."

"If you don't leave now I'm calling the cops."

"It's worth the jail time." Olivia said stepping in and closing the door behind her apartment "it's about Madison."

"What about her?" Christine asked quickly spinning in her tracks. She may hate Olivia but she knew what her job was and the fact that she was here was scaring her.

"Apparently you have told her that the only reason I am nice to her is so that way it won't as bad when I take her from you permanently."

"Isn't that what you want?" Christine asked relieved she wasn't the bearer of bad news. "You and Alex can finally have the family you two never had but always wanted."

"Jesus Christine I thought we went over this that night you showed up at Alex's apartment. I'm not trying to take her from you or take your place. What the hell do I have to do to prove that to you?"

"I would say walk away but from what I hear you're moving right in. Making yourself right at home in Alex's apartment."

"Moving in? I'm not moving in with Alex not right now." Olivia said confused.

"But you do stay there and apparently when my daughter is there as well." Christine snarled. "When I asked Madison how her weekend went she told me that you had stayed there and they had fixed you breakfast and then spent the day together till you got called in."

"One time." Olivia said clarifying the situation "Over this past weekend as a matter of fact which you were told. I was working a hard case and Alex asked me to come over when I was done. It was three in the morning when I called and I knew no matter what I said she wouldn't believe that I was ok until she saw me in person. I showed up to let her physically see I was ok and was going to go home. Alex insisted I stay and sleep. If I had more energy in me I would have fought her on the issue but the fact that I made it to her apartment slightly awake was a damn miracle in itself. I broke my own rule and crawled into Alex's bed and passed out."

"My daughter saw you." Christine pointed out.

"They were in the kitchen talking when I walked in and that's how I know about you telling Carmen, who by the way we know is moving in, that I was trying to take her from you. Why would you even say that I have never once tried to step in, takeover, or anything else in that sense?"

"Don't you want her?"

"No." Olivia said.

"I knew it. It's only a matter of time before she is forgotten about."

"I don't want her in the way your meaning" Olivia said reaching out to grab Christine and spin her around to face her "your twisting everything around to suit you. For what? Are you planning to take Alex back to court and take Madison?"

"That's not your business." Christine said with a smile that made Olivia's blood run cold.

"It involves Alex which makes it my business." Olivia stated trying her hardest to keep her temper under control. The very thought that Christine may try to take Madison from Alex because of her was unnerving to say the least.

"What if I am what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to give you what you want. I'm going to walk away from the woman I love more than life itself." Olivia said as she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat "if that's the case don't bother with the paperwork. I beg of you not to put her through that. Give me about an hour and I'll be out of both of their lives for good."

"You're not even going to fight for her?" Christine said with laughter in her voice as she watched Olivia walk toward the door "you're just giving up and walking away just like before."

"Make no mistake" Olivia said without turning around "I will give my life for Alex and Madison and will move heaven and earth to keep them happy but I will not be the reason you destroy Alex or stop her from seeing Madison either. Don't worry I will never let her know you're the cause behind it. She will never know that you were planning to take Madison from her. Please don't tell her either."

"You know all she ever wanted was a child. She tried once with us when we discovered that she would never be able to carry a child to full term." Christine said "I never thought twice about carrying our child and I asked her why you didn't ever offer to carry. Her response was that your job was too dangerous for you to carry a child."

"It's personal on why I never carried." Olivia said praying that Christine would leave it at that and not ask any more questions. All she needed was for her to discover that she was the product of rape and was raised by an alcoholic mother.

"I wasn't saying that to know why I always got the impression that she was protecting you." Christine sighed "I'm telling you that because no matter how much I hate you for taking my wife and no matter how mad I am at her for hurting me and breaking up our family. I will never and I do mean _never_ put her through that type of pain."

"Why scare Madison like that?"

"First of all I made that statement to Madison long before that night at Alex's apartment. Secondly, I think Madison overheard a portion of the conversation I was having with Carmen, who is moving in with me."

"It's not my business but it has her terrified and I want to know what that conversation was."

"We were talking about her moving in and she asked how Alex would take it. She was and to an extent still scared that Alex will go after me for full custody. I understand her fear because that is my biggest fear as well. I'm not going to lie I have considered doing the same thing at times. I have even looked into getting a court order to have you stay away from my daughter which is useless. Apparently short of being the product of a rape and raised by an alcoholic mother you're perfect." Christine laughed "Don't look so shocked. Did you really think I wouldn't hire the best investigators in New York to find out about the woman that is around my daughter?"

"No I guess not. I would probably do the same thing."

"I didn't know she overheard anything and I am sorry. I will talk to her when she comes home from school tonight."

"Thank you." Olivia said extending her hand to Christine "Look I know how you feel about everything. I've been loved by Alex before and lost her so I know the shoes all too well that you're in. I also know that you will forever be a part of our lives because you are the mother of her child. On that note I believe it would be best to call a truce of some sorts. I promise you though I am not trying to nor will I ever try to take your place."

"As much as I hate to admit it you are right." Christine said shaking Olivia's hand "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Understood." Olivia said as she turned and walked out.


	24. Chapter 24

"Do I even want to know what was going through your mind today when you went to Christine's?" Alex asked when Olivia finally opened the door to her apartment.

"I take it that you have talked to Christine" Olivia said stepping to the side to allow Alex room to enter "I was hoping for once she would keep her mouth shut."

"Yes I did when she called me earlier after you left." Alex said spinning around to face Olivia. "She told me that you forced your way right in to her apartment."

"Look I would say I'm sorry but I'm not. I did it for Madison and I will do it every week if I have too. I will not have that little girl living in fear that Christine will take her from you."

"And apparently you only needed an hour to walk away from me forever?" Alex said stepping closer to Olivia "An hour."

"That was another thing that was supposed to stay between us." Olivia said sighing as she ran her hand through her hair "I only want to do what's best for Madison."

"I know" Alex said finally smiling as she wrapped her arms around Olivia and pulled her to her "I promise you if I wasn't already in love with you I would certainly be now."

"You're not mad?"

"A little yes, that should be my fight. She is my daughter but knowing that you will fight that hard for her just takes the hurt and anger away."

"Alex I swear to you I didn't do it to hurt you or make you mad. Honey all I want is to protect you and Madison."

"What hurt was the fact you only need one hour to walk out of my life." Alex said guiding Olivia to the couch and taking a seat motioning for Olivia to do the same. "I thought it would take a little longer to walk away from me."

"If it's for Madison I only need five minutes." Olivia pointed out. "Since she's already let the cat out of the bag I was walking away because I thought she was going for full custody because of me. I begged her not to do that to you and told her I would walk away."

"I know she told me that as much as she hates to admit it you have to be a hell of a woman to be willing to walk away for Madison's sake. I think that is what shocked her the most. She truly couldn't believe that you would be willing to do that for Madison. I couldn't help but point out that was one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. You are more than willing to put others above your own happiness and have done it more times than any one person should have." Alex said smiling and placing a finger on Olivia's lips to keep her silent so she could continue "She also told me that she despised saying this but if you were willing to walk away just to protect the two of us you proved to her that if she had to have someone around her daughter she would much rather it be you than anyone else."

"That means a lot coming from her." Olivia said.

"Yes it does." Alex said agreeing "what I want to know is just what would you have said to me when you showed up at my office to break up with me? Really Olivia my office you were going to do that at work?"

"Hello I was served papers standing in the middle of the squad room." Olivia pointed out "No, it wasn't some type of revenge thing either. I figured the safest place to tell you would be at work the same reason why you had me served at work. You knew it was the safest place to serve me. As for what I was going to tell you I have no clue but I had the drive to your office to figure it out." Olivia said shrugging her shoulder "I just hoped whatever it was it was believable so you wouldn't know to blame Christine. The last I ever want is there to be animosity between you two."

"Once again you were going to make yourself into the bad guy to protect someone else, most importantly Christine, my ex."

"Once again?"

"You think I don't know you took full blame for the divorce. That you told everyone that you weren't there for me emotionally and the job just took too much from you leaving you nothing to offer me when you came home."

"Who the hell has the big mouth besides Christine apparently?"

"That would have been one Elliot Stabler when he arrived at my office and ripped me a new one. Said that when he asked you what had happened you told him that you were too distant at home. That you knew better than to get married since you were so dedicated to your job. That no matter what you tried you couldn't have your cake and eat it too, you just wished you had figured that out before I got hurt."

"Wait a minute I took the blame why the hell was he yelling at you?" Olivia asked suddenly pissed at her old partner for confronting Alex.

"Because he didn't believe it and he knew I was the cause of it."

"I'm sorry I wish you had told me I would have said something to him. You didn't deserve that."

"Didn't I?" Alex whispered as she caressed Olivia's face "I walked away for selfish reasons I deserved everything he said and did that day."

"No you didn't." Olivia said pulling Alex against her "I really wished I had known so I could have protected you."

"It's all in the past" Alex sighed as she lay against Olivia.

"Honey she said something to me today that has stuck with me and I was wondering if you are willing to tell me about it?" Olivia finally said after a few minutes of silence.

"Honey after marching over to my ex's and fighting for my daughter willing to leave me so I can keep my daughter you can ask me anything and I do mean anything."

"When we were talking earlier she said when you two discovered that you would never be able to carry to full term. What did she mean by that? Is there a medical reason why we were never able to have children?"

"Yes." Alex said choking back tears "I have what is called Endometriosis, where cells form outside the uterine walls. It is a common cause of infertility."

"When did you find this out?"

"After my first miscarriage with Christine." Alex said finally turning to face Olivia "That was when I told her about my previous miscarriages and she insisted I see a specialist. With ours I just wrote it up as working too much and too much stress over trying too hard. I think in a way I knew that something was wrong but I didn't want to know."

"Did the doctors never check you after each miscarriage?" Olivia asked racking her brain trying to remember but unable too.

"Other than the routine check-ups after a miscarriage no they didn't." Alex said "It wasn't until I saw the specialist that everything started making sense."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you remember how bad my cramps were and the pain I would have in my lower back."

"Yeah they were terrible, sometimes to the point where you didn't want to get out of bed."

"That along with me being tired all the time, was all signs of endometriosis we just didn't know it."

"Why didn't they catch that after the miscarriages?" Olivia asked becoming infuriated "We would have known what was happening been able to get you help or the medication you needed."

"The only time they did an ultrasound on me was during and after my pregnancies. We weren't looking for abnormalities and after the miscarriage my uterus was so inflamed they chalked it up to the loss of the baby the same as I did."

"How common is this?"

"As I discovered after I was diagnosed for me it was very common." Alex explained "Mine is genetics. I didn't know it but my mother, both my aunts and my grandmother had it which made me highly susceptible to get it."

"Honey not to rub salt in an open wound but all but one of those women had children though."

"Your right they did." Alex said sitting up "My grandmother apparently had several miscarriages before successfully having my mother. My aunts as you know are on my father side and they both have it. Mary had one successful pregnancy, her first one after that two miscarriages and the last one they had to do an emergency hysterectomy on her. Diane never had any children because of it. As for my mother, I discovered that she was just like my aunt, which is why I am an only child."

"No one ever told you."

"According to my sweet Aunt Mary that once I came out the closet they didn't think I would ever have children since I was gay and found it unnecessary to share this information with me."

"Are there treatment options, surgery, anything?"

"Had we caught it early enough yes there would have been and with the help of IVF would have been able to carry children to full term but we didn't." Alex said looking away.

"Honey what is it?" Olivia whispered as she carefully turned Alex's head back to face her. The pain she saw in her eyes tore her heart to pieces "What happened?"

"By the time it was discovered there was too much scar tissue along with several cysts that had formed. They did a biopsy on the cyst and discovered it was pre-cancerous, another s occurrence with endometriosis although rare. As a pre-emptive measure I had a complete hysterectomy about three years ago." Alex stood as the tears poured from her eyes and gathered her purse before walking to the door "Therefore Olivia I will never be able to give you a child of our own. You will never have the family you deserve with me."

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**A/N: You never saw that coming did you? Threw a little hook in how everyone was thinking and hoping I would take it. And apparently by the looks of things I am in the mood to tease everyone. With the way I left this chapter and the way I left Revelations. Believe me though, when I tease. I do deliver. LOL. **


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I am still to this day amazed at how well this story has taken off. I wrote the first chapter with too much tequila in me, way too many sappy romantic movies reminding me of how single I am, and the looming date of what would have been my eight year anniversay with my ex. I had absolutely no intentions of continuing it and just letting it be. Now here I am 25 chapters later. I truly have to say that this story belongs to all my readers who encouraged me to continue it. Thank you guys. Thank you so much. **

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"Alexandra Elaine Cabot, I am getting sick and tired of you trying to walk out on me." Olivia growled as she jumped up and slammed the door shut before Alex could leave "All because you can't carry children, particularly our child."

"Olivia." Alex started to say but was stopped when Olivia spun her around and kissed her.

"What was that for?" Alex breathed once Olivia pulled away

"Because I love you and because you need to realize that it doesn't matter to me if you can give me a child or not, that's not why I'm with you. I'm with you because I love you, because you're the half that makes me whole, and most importantly because I need you."

"Liv." Alex cried as she caressed the side of Olivia's face "After what you have been through growing up and what you deal with on a daily basis you deserve a family. You deserve that more than anyone I know."

"I have that Alex" Olivia said as she pulled Alex to the side and spun her around to face the mirror by the door raising her head so she was looking in the mirror. "I have that right here with you. We are a family with or without children. Besides we have a child, Madison. She may not be mine but I love her as if she was mine."

"You don't want children?" Alex asked.

"I'm not saying that." Olivia said as she released Alex and took a step back running her hands through her hair. "I'm saying I'm not willing to lose you again over this. Would I love to have a child with you? Yes, especially if they had your blue eyes and smile."

"Olivia" Alex said with tears streaming down her face.

"No listen to me." Olivia whispered taking a step closer and wiping the tears off of Alex's face. "Even if you could carry I wouldn't ask you to go through that again. My biggest regret is I didn't step up and stop you after the third miscarriage. Hell I should have said something after the second one but you were so hell bent on having a child and the last thing I would ever do is hold you back."

"You thought getting me to stop trying to have a child would have been holding me back."

"It's what you wanted honey. I had never stopped you from going after what you wanted. No matter what my thoughts and concerns were over the matter I supported you a hundred and fifty percent every time. Asking you to stop would have been shutting down your dreams."

"What about you?" Alex asked "What about your dreams?"

"Alex my dreams came true the first time you said yes to a date." Olivia said smiling "I thought you would laugh in my face but instead you beamed ear to ear with a smile that could light up the darkest skies. Then when I asked you to marry me, I thought I had died and gone to heaven hearing you say yes."

"We talked about us having children you were all for it."

"Who wouldn't be? I mean come on the most beautiful woman in the world, who by the grace of god I got to call mine, said she wanted to raise a child with me. Me, the product of a rape and raised by an alcoholic mother. It was a pure miracle that you, the one who had her dreams and hopes set on the Governor's mansion A) gave me a chance and married me but B) wanted to have a child with me. Besides the thought of coming home and seeing your stomach grow with our child was quite the turn on."

"Olivia I never once questioned your parenting skills or the type of person you are because of your background."

"I know but I did and even more so after you told me you wanted to have a child. I was so sure that somewhere down the line I would turn into my mother."

"Believe me I would have never said yes the first time if I even remotely thought you were the type of person you think you are or will become. I wish you could see all the good in you and all the good you do."

"I wish you could see that you don't have to give me a child for me to love you."

"Touché" Alex said laughing. "You really love to turn the tables on me don't you?"

"It seems to be the only way to get you to pay attention at times." Olivia said with a smile as she took Alex by the hand and lead her back to the couch "Now there are questions I want answered my dear."

"Let me guess why didn't I tell you about the hysterectomy in the beginning?"

"Yes."

"Scared, ashamed, you name it." Alex said closing her eyes not wanting to see Olivia's reaction.

"Scared of what?"

"That once you knew you wouldn't want me and I couldn't handle that."

"So you wait till months in to rebuilding this relationship to tell me. Wait till I fell in love with you all over again."

"Did you ever really fall out of love with me?" Alex asked leveling her famous court room stare at her.

"No." Olivia said shaking her head.

"Alright then." Alex said tentatively taking her hand "It was wrong I will admit that and believe me I will add that to my list of things I have to atone for with you."

"Alex…" Olivia started to say but stopped when Alex shook her head.

"As I told you I was scared that you would reject me because of it. Lord knows it was so wrong on so many levels that we would be here for the next year or more hashing it out. I was and am still ashamed because I don't care how many different ways you try to spin I feel like less of a woman since I'm unable to bare children. I was disappointed because there was nothing more than I wanted than to have a child of my own. Most importantly I felt like a failure because this was the one thing I wanted to do but was unable to do. I had never experienced failure of this magnitude before." Alex took a deep breath finally chancing a look at Olivia.

"Alex I love you and I would never reject you or any other woman I would be with for that matter just because they couldn't have children. I have said it before and I will say it again Alex I'm with you because I love you. I'm not like the people in your past. I'm not with you for the doors your name or money can open. I sure as hell wasn't with you just to have children." Olivia said smiling. "There is absolutely no reason what so ever for you to feel ashamed. If anything else hold your head up high and proud. Honey you over came not only several miscarriages but because of those miscarriages you discovered and overcame what could have been a long uphill battle of cancer. I may see you as a lot of things and think a lot of things of you but failure has never been and will never be one of them."

"So we can work past this?" Alex asked hope finally starting to seep in.

"Hey hard headed have you heard a word I said" Olivia said pulling Alex to her "Yes we can and will work past this."

"I thought I had lost you for sure this time." Alex cried as she buried her head in Olivia's chest.

"I've lost you once Alex I will not lose you again." Olivia said tilting Alex's head up so she could look at her. "Besides if having a child is something you really want to have with me then there is always adoption."

"You'd be open to the thought of adoption?"

"I'm open to anything as long as it involves you by my side and not sharing you with another woman."

"The same goes for you as well." Alex said as she leaned up and kissed Olivia realizing that thought of Olivia being touched by another woman was only rivaled by her fear of her daughter being hurt.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I didnt't think I would be able to pop out a chapter this soon but thankfully the convicts wanted to give me a break around four this morning. Hope everyone enjoys.**

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"Madison I know your summer break starts in a little less than a month and I think we should take a vacation." Alex said as her and her daughter walked down Broadway. "What do you think?"

"Where too?" Madison asked glancing up at her mom.

"Well I don't I was thinking we could fly out to California and go to Disney Land or check out Disney World in Florida. Maybe we could just make a little tour out west maybe that Disney cruise you asked about last year. You tell me."

"I don't know momma."

"You have time to think about it and we can go see my travel agent so you can ask any questions you need to and get all the brochures you need to decide."

"I know Mommy and Carmen are supposed to be taking me to Aspen for skiing when school lets out. When would we go?"

"I know they are baby" Alex sighed hating the fact that she would miss Madison's first time on the slopes. She would have to give Christine props she did invite her and Olivia along so she wouldn't miss it. She thought it was a great show of faith for her to invite Olivia along for the vacation "I was thinking the following month since you will be out there for almost two weeks."

"Will Olivia be going with us?" Madison asked.

"Yes she will." Alex said stopping to face her daughter and pulling her from the flow of people "If we take this vacation and she can get the time off she will be coming with us. She will also be sharing the room with us as well."

"Oh" Madison said looking down toward the ground.

"Listen honey." Alex said raising her daughters face up so she could look her in the eyes. "I understand how you feel about Olivia and there are times you want it to be just me and you and that's fine, believe me. But I need you to realize that Olivia is a permanent part of our life. To the point that at some point Olivia will be moving in with me. I'm not saying that that will happen within the next week. To be totally honest with you I would like it to happen before we leave for vacation. I really need and would really like it if you and Olivia could reach some type of happy medium. Because baby when she moves in I'm not going to ask her to leave and stay at a motel on the weekends I have you."

"I know momma I'm just afraid that you'll forget about me or I will become a burden when that happens."

"Oh Madison I promise you I will never forget you and you will never become a burden to me or Olivia." Alex said dropping to her knees and hugging her daughter tight against her "Even when you're not with us we still put you first baby. We always will."

"I know momma." Madison said hugging Alex "I love you."

"I love you too." Alex said hugging her daughter tight before standing back up "Come on baby before we're late."

"Hey momma" Madison said after they had walked in silence for a little while.

"Yeah baby." Alex said glancing down at her daughter

"I would like it if Olivia moved in." Madison said smiling up at her mom as they waited to cross the street.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Madison said shaking her head

"Ok baby." Alex said smiling from ear to ear "When she stops by tonight after work I will talk to her about it but I already know that she will want to talk to you this weekend when I pick you up before she says yes."

"Momma we can go talk to her now." Madison said smiling up at Alex with her blue eyes shining.

"No baby we can't" Alex said sighing "Olivia is working right now and we can't constantly go to the station and interrupt her work."

"No momma" Madison said stopping and tugging on her Alex's hand back in the direction they had just come from "She's in the deli right back here."

"Baby" Alex said laughing "That was someone that looked like Olivia I promise you it wasn't her."

"It was momma because the other officer umm." Madison said as she stopped and tried hard to remember her name "Rollins was with her."

"Madison Renee I promise you that wasn't them baby." Alex said again despite Madison's urging to turn around and go back the way they came. "When I talked to Olivia at lunch her and Amaro were going to follow up some leads on a case and it would be late before she got off."

"Maybe they got hungry momma." Madison said tugging on Alex "I'm telling you I saw them back there."

"Madison" Alex said as she glanced at her watch checking the time "We're supposed to be meeting your mommy in about twenty minutes."

"I know momma but it won't take long I promise." Madison said batting her eyes at Alex "We can stop in I will tell her I've thought about it and I want her to live with you."

"Common on, let's make it quick." Alex said giving up "Take me back to this deli you think you saw them at. I promise you it's not them. They should be in Queens right now."

"No they're not momma." Madison said with a smile on her face looking forward to surprising Olivia.

Alex sighed as she followed her daughter back through the crowd they had just spent over thirty minutes fighting through. Normally she would put her foot down and stop her daughter from this type of behavior but the fact that she was so excited to see Olivia stopped her. If she remained this way maybe just maybe Olivia's moving in won't be so hard on her and this could possibly go smoother than what she anticipated.

"See momma I told you there they are." Madison said stopping suddenly and pointing to a table inside the deli. "Let's go in and say hi."

Alex looked up and felt her heart drop to her feet as she grabbed Madison to stop her from entering the deli. Not three feet in front of her Olivia and Amanda was sitting at a table apparently eating a late lunch. Which would not have been a problem had Olivia not been giving Amanda the smile that she had always reserved for her. Or how she leaned forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear before whispering in Amanda's ear. Whatever it was that she said must have been funny because Amanda threw her head back and laughed before leaning forward and gently kissing Olivia on the lips.

"Come on" Alex choked out feeling as if her whole world was collapsing around her and she had to get away quickly before she made a scene in front of her daughter.

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**Never saw that coming did you? **


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I had really considered being mean and making you guys wait a few days and panic a little more but decided against it. After all you already have to wait days for updates on this story and Revelations. I will say the response I received on the last chapter really blew me away. Now let's see if we can discover the truth about the lunch and the now infamous kiss.**

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Alex paced back and forth in the elevator waiting for it to slowly make its way to the floor SVU was stationed on. She had spent the better part of the evening trying to convince herself that she just misunderstood what she witnessed earlier. There was no way on earth that Olivia would ever cheat on her, especially since they had worked so hard to reach where they were in their relationship. It had almost worked until she took the phone call that made all her fears resurface about an hour earlier.

"Cabot." Alex said answering the phone without looking at the caller ID

"Hey beautiful." Olivia sighed into the phone "It looks like we're going to be working late tonight so I'm going to have to cancel lunch but how about I meet you for lunch tomorrow afternoon."

"Problems?" Alex asked

"Nothing that we can't handle."

"If you need anything let me know."

"Yeah I will. Listen I have to run I think we caught a break I'll catch you up tomorrow." Olivia said quickly into the phone before hanging up.

That conversation within itself was nothing out of the ordinary for them. What caught her attention was when she heard Rollins in the background saying they needed to head out soon in what could only be described as a sweet honey sounding voice. That comment alone with the tone threw any logical conclusions and rational reactions she would have out the window. After a brief debate about how childish she was acting she hailed a cab determined to confront the blonde bimbo that was trying to steal her woman. The fact that she was about to make a scene in the middle of the squad room was irrelevant to her.

Rollins looked up and smiled when she saw the squad room door open. She figured they would be seeing Alex sometime tonight since Olivia had to call and cancel dinner with her. What really had her confused was the look of pure anger on her face. Her first instinct was to shield Olivia but then again Alex knew the type of hours she kept so she shouldn't be so mad at her canceling dinner.

"Hey Alex I think Olivia is in with the captain at the moment." Rollins informed her nodding toward the captain's office "She should be out in a few minutes."

"I will deal with her when I am done with you." Alex growled as she advanced on Rollins "You have a lot of nerve coming on to Olivia. You had your chance but you didn't take it when you should have. What do you like the challenge of chasing taken women? Or is it the no commitment guarantee they offer?"

"My what?" Rollins asked looking around confused as a crowd started to gather around them. "chasing taken women? Alex what are you talking about?"

"Your chance. Making your move on Olivia." Alex growled louder "If you think for one second I'm going to stand idly by while you make move after move on Olivia you can think again. She's a hell of a woman but she is spoken for so you need to back off."

"A move on Olivia? Alex what the hell are you talking about?" Rollins asked thinking to herself that Alex had finally lost it. "I'm not after Olivia. I have no clue what you are talking about?"

"What she isn't good enough for you? Or do you think you're too good for her?"

"I'm gonna go with neither Alex." Rollins said as she looked to Fin and Munch for help only to be met with smirking eyes and their lame attempts to keep from laughing.

Olivia and Captain Cragen stepped out of the office when they heard the shouting begin in the squad room. To say they were shocked was an understatement when they realized it was Alex doing the screaming and Rollins was backing up as if to avoid her. Olivia who had to admit it was funny to watch Alex lose it every now and then especially when she felt threatened which was obviously what was happening now. Although why she couldn't tell you, if she had to guess it was because she cancelled dinner for the second time in as many days. As much as she was enjoying the scene before her she thought it would be a good idea to intervene when she saw Alex pull her hand back as if she was going to smack Rollins.

"Let me go." Alex yelled as she clawed at the hands that had caught her by the waist and was dragging her into the interview room.

"What the hell is your problem?" Olivia asked finally releasing Alex and slamming the door behind her.

"So I guess you're going to stand there and deny it the same as that floozy was."

"YES I GUESS SO" Olivia shouted at Alex "ESPECIALLY SINCE I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."

"Please Olivia." Alex said as tears started rolling down her cheeks. "Please have the decency to tell me to my face and not lie to me about it."

"Lie about what Alex? What the hell am I lying about?" Olivia asked as she threw her hands up in the air.

"You're seeing her behind my back." Alex growled as she pointed toward Rollins who was still standing in the middle of the squad room shell shocked.

"Who Rollins?" Olivia asked glancing back at Amanda.

"Yeah Rollins." Alex cried.

"Jesus Christ woman have you lost it? What on earth makes you think I'm seeing Rollins?"

"I saw you today at the deli." Alex said as she tried to move past Olivia "My daughter saw you today, MY DAUGHTER, Olivia. How do I explain that to her?"

"What deli are you talking about?"

"The one off Broadway."

Olivia started laughing when she realized what she was talking about. Alex must have walked by the deli and saw her and Rollins together and misinterpreted what she saw. Granted a portion, a good portion, was pissed at Alex for not trusting her and the other portion just found it out right funny.

"Oh you find it funny that I caught you cheating." Alex said pushing Olivia away from her and heading for the door "I guess it is a relief since you don't have to hide anymore."

"No, what would be a relief" Olivia said shutting the door back and closing the blinds from all the on lookers "Is if my girlfriend would trust me. If my girlfriend would believe that I wouldn't do anything to ruin what we have finally recovered. Not instantly jump to the fact that I'm sleeping with a co-worker."

"Oh so I guess you giving her the smile, my smile, tucking the strand of hair behind her ear and then whispering in her ear was what an act? Was the kiss an act as well?"

"Actually yes it was." Olivia said "We are trying to smoke out the man who is targeting lesbian couples. All the couples who have been attacked have eaten at that deli in the last two weeks and gone to a gay club called The Cubby Hole. We have two uniformed officers who are going in undercover tonight to case the joint without being noticed and me and Rollins will start making our appearances tomorrow. Just to be safe though we are all staged at different parts of the street and alley. I would like to catch the bastard before he strikes again."

"So you're not cheating on me?" Alex asked as everything began to sink in. She had just made a royal fool of herself in front of everyone over a simple misunderstanding. She closed her eyes and chastised herself for not listening to her gut.

"Why the hell would I cheat on you?" Olivia asked "I've never done it in the past and I sure as hell haven't given you a reason to think otherwise. IF all this stems from that day at the café _before_ you were divorced we've discussed that."

"You told me you and Amaro was going to be in Queens today." Alex mumbled as she looked away ashamed.

"We did. We were talking to one of the victims and that's when we made the connection of the deli and the bar."

"Oh." Alex mumbled as she felt her face turn red "So I just…"

"Yelled at Rollins for nothing." Olivia said as the door opened behind her.

"I hate to interrupt" Rolllins said as she poked her head in the door scared of what might happen if she did "But we have to get going before we're late and leave the UC's unprotected."

"ok." Olivia said as she nodded never taking her eyes of Alex. "Look, I have to go to work but we will talk about this more later, preferably when you have your head on straight."

"Liv" Alex called out stopping Olivia before she walked out of the room and possibly out of her life forever "Why didn't you tell me?"

"A) it was a spur of the moment operation and B) I was hoping my girlfriend would trust me." Olivia said as she glanced over her shoulder "Something that I now see I was wrong about."

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**A/N: You got it, it was an undercover operation. Now the question is will they be able to work past this. **


	28. Chapter 28

"Do I even want to know what all that was about a little while ago?" Rollins asked as she stared ahead into the darkened night. She had debated on whether or not to bring up the events from earlier considering the anger was radiating off Olivia. Since somehow she was involved she wanted to know.

"She saw us in the deli." Olivia said never taking her eyes off the entrance door wishing Rollins would let it be. She had no desire to discuss how her girlfriend had little faith in her.

"Yeah so?" Rollins asked confused ignoring Olivia's signs to leave it alone. "We we're undercover ."

"I didn't tell her I was going under." Olivia answered as she took a deep breath in and exhaled it slowly through clenched teeth. "And Madison was with her."

"Olivia" Rollins said glancing over at Olivia "Why not?"

"It was a spur of a moment detail Rollins" Olivia sighed as she ran her hands through her hair "I didn't have time too and it would be nice for my girlfriend to trust me a little. To know I wouldn't cheat on her."

"Really that's your response?"

"Yeah why?"

"Because that is such an insensitive, pig headed, response that's why."

"It's not your business Rollins so leave it alone."

"It became my business when your girlfriend came at me."

"So you can justify her reaction."

"Olivia put yourself in her shoes. You are walking by a deli and see the love of your life flirting and kissing another woman. Not just any woman a woman that she is under the impression that you've been with. I don't care how much trust you have in a relationship you see someone with an ex and all rational thoughts go out the window."

"You know what I wouldn't have jumped to conclusions" Olivia said glancing at Rollins "I would have given her the benefit of doubt and asked her what was going on. Besides I told her the truth about us the day we agreed to work things out. She has no reason to feel threatened by you."

"Really you wouldn't have lost it seeing Alex kiss another woman. You wouldn't have lost it standing there and watching her flirt with another woman. You would have been calm?"

"Yes"

"Please Olivia you would have lost it the same as she did. If it was me I would have confronted you in the deli. The fact she waited till later is a miracle."

"No I wouldn't have. I trust my girlfriend."

"Please tell that lie to someone who would believe it." Rollins said laughing. "You are no different than from the rest of us. The doubt and questions would have been there and so would the assumptions."

"If I lost it I would be justified!" Olivia shot back.

"Oh so you're justified to lose your temper and jump to conclusions with Alex but not the other way around."

"Yes."

"What makes you so damn special?"

"I wasn't the one that walked out on our marriage." Olivia shouted "I didn't run off and marry another woman and have a child with her. I didn't wait till I was months into this relationship and tell her that I had a hysterectomy and try to walk out again because I couldn't give her a child. I'm not the one who seems to think that's the only reason I'm with her is for a child. So I should be the one that's insecure here not her."

"That's what this is a god damn one up." Rollins said glaring at Olivia amazed that she would stoop that low "Get your head out of your ass before you lose the best damn thing that ever happened to you."

"No it isn't I'm just sick and tired of her walking out on me or at least trying to because she thinks she isn't giving me what she thinks I need. I've had enough. This is just another way for her to try to walk out on me."

"Considering I was told it would be a cold day in hell she would sit by idly and let me take you from her I don't think that's what this is. That woman was ready to fight me till the death to keep you. So no, this isn't just another way for her to walk out on you."

"Really all knowing' Olivia said in an extremely sarcastic tone "Please share with me your insight knowledge.

"She feels insecure because she can't give you a child. For some reason that's important to her no matter what you say to her, I don't know why but in my experiences it makes them feel like less of a woman and they have that fear that you will find the one person who can give you what she can't. In her mind that is a child. No matter how crazy it is to you it's a reality to her."

"You know I don't see that happening since the last time I checked I'm not equipped with the equipment needed for that to happen so why the hell would I cheat."

"Because smart ass you may not have the equipment but you can get with a woman who can carry your child for you. Besides the point is that no matter what you say there is still that fear and will always be that fear that you will find someone who can, someone who will be more of a woman than she is because of that."

"Well I don't want another woman." Olivia said leaning her head back and closing her eyes "I've never stopped loving her even when we were divorced. I dated and tried to have a relationship but I couldn't give her my heart. It has belonged to Alex since the day she walked into the 16 and will till the day I die. After that I just had brief dates and anonymous pickups. When she told me she was divorced and wanted another try with us I was so thrilled, terrified but thrilled."

"Yet instead of letting those close to you know, you kept your relationship a secret. I've been there before and I know how it feels to be kept a secret. It makes you feel as if you're worthless and you don't really matter as much as you're told."

"I didn't want to have to answer the million questions I would have had to answer if it fell through."

"Let me ask you was it ever going to fall through? I mean really the love radiates off you two so much that it's sickening and a sad reminder to those of us who are single of what we don't have."

"To be honest If Christine had her way, yes."

"What does Christine have to do with this?"

"She was, well I thought she was, going to take Madison from her so I told her not to I would give her what she wanted and I would leave. I will not be the cause of Alex losing her daughter. I will swallow the barrel of my gun before I cause her that type of pain."

"Does Alex know about this?"

"Yeah, Christine couldn't keep her mouth shut."

"Ok so you're tit for tat now, now stop your foolishness this second." Rollins said.

"I'm not doing some damn tit for tat."

"Whether you realize it or not you are Olivia and it needs to stop and stop now." Rollins pointed out "To be honest with you I'd give anything to have a woman like Alex by my side. I'm telling you this because if you don't straighten your ass up now someone else will step in and be the woman she needs and deserves."

"Is that someone going to be you?" Olivia asked sitting up and looking over at Rollins.

"It just might be." Rollins answered deciding to take the bait.

"I promise you Rollins you make one step toward Alex I will kill you with my bare hands." Olivia said with a tone in her voice that told Rollins she meant it.

"Then get your head on straight and do what's right. Because if you don't someone else will I promise you that."

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**A/N: Now I know this isn't the Olivia we all know and love and some of you probably hate me at the moment but give me time to redeem myself. I promise I will or at least try to in your eyes.**


	29. Chapter 29

Alex rolled over and looked at the clock and sighed. She grabbed her robed and headed toward the sound that had woken her out of a deep sleep. She had learned a long time ago when her and Olivia first dated that nothing good was ever on the other side of the door at three am, especially when your girlfriend is currently on an undercover assignment. She took a deep breath trying to calm her pounding heart before she opened the door.

"Olivia, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Alex asked once she opened the door and saw Olivia standing there.

"Why would I be giving you a heart attack?" Olivia asked looking around Alex as if she was trying to see in the apartment.

"Oh, I don't maybe because it three am and I learned it's never a good thing to have someone beating on the door at this hour when you're with a cop." Alex said stepping back to allow Olivia room to enter.

"Sorry I didn't think" Olivia said looking down "I didn't mean to scare you. I needed to talk to you."

"At three in the morning?"

"We just left the club." Olivia said cringing inside at the look that crossed Alex's face.

"Are we going to have this discussion standing in my door way?" Alex asked as she motioned for Olivia to enter. "Are you coming in?"

Olivia shook her head no as she entered the apartment and stood to the side. She looked around as she shoved her hands in her pockets rocking back and forth on her heels not sure where to start or what to say.

"You can have a seat." Alex said as she turned around and saw Olivia still standing "Unless this isn't going to take too long."

"I'll stand." Olivia said looking at the floor.

"Ok" Alex whispered as she pulled her robe tighter against her and wrapped her arms around herself.

"I have been in love with you since the day the Morris Commission sent you to us and you walked in to the precinct. I will love you till the day they lay me in the ground. That I know without a doubt in my mind. Hell even after were divorced I was still in love with you."

"I know" Alex almost sobbed out.

"From our first date till the day I signed the divorce papers I had never once given you a reason to doubt me or my faithfulness to you."

"I know."

"Yet that is the conclusion you jump to the second you see me in the deli with Rollins."

"What the hell was I suppose to think?"

"I'm not sure but I would have hoped you had enough faith in me and my love for you to know I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have."

"You've posed as lovers before." Alex pointed out.

"Because the last thing I wanted you to know." Olivia said finally turning to face Alex "Was that I hadn't moved on. You had though. You walked out on me and filed for divorce and moved on with your life. Signing those papers was the hardest thing I had ever done."

"Olivia I've told you I'm sorry." Alex said.

"Let me finish Alex" Olivia said waiting for Alex to nod in agreement. "After that I had pulled some really stupid stunts both in my personal and professional life. Because the last thing I wanted to do was live my life without you by my side. There are more times than I care to admit too that I sat in my living room with a bottle of Tequila wishing my life would end. I was too big of a coward to end my life by my hands but lord knows I did what I could to have a perp end my life for me. Then my actions got even worse when I discovered that you were getting married. You had moved on how could you had done that when all I did was stare at our wedding picture nightly and drink myself into oblivion."

"I never knew." Alex whispered as the tears streamed down her face.

"It didn't matter. You had the biggest smile I had ever seen the day you said I do to Christine."

"You were there" Alex mumbled as she took a small step toward Olivia but stopped when she took a step away.

"Hiding in the back of the church." Olivia said as the tears finally fell from her eyes. 'I couldn't believe it and had to see it for myself. I mean you said I was the best thing that had ever happened to you. That no one had ever loved you or would ever love you the way I did. Then there you were in a beautiful white gown smiling that smile at Christine as you said I do. That day my world shattered."

"Olivia."

"NO' Olivia said holding her hand up to stop Alex from talking "My risk taking got even worse to the point that I was removed from SVU because my actions were jeopardizing the whole team and Cragen had finally had enough. He ordered me to take counseling off the record so he didn't have to put it in my jacket and I refused. I was given a week off without pay for insubordination and when I returned I was handed my transfer. I had lost the last thing that mattered to me. I had hit rock bottom."

'I'm so sorry."

"I was too. I was deemed not fit for duty and placed at a desk in cybercrimes. I thought I wanted to kill myself before try sitting at a desk for eight hours a day when you're a field officer. That was hell. I finally relented and was cleared for duty. That was the best day of my life. I walked back to Cragen and handed him my clearance papers along with a transfer request to return to SVU. It took him another month before he would sign off on it and allow me to come back. It took four years to rebuild myself after you left. Four years. It took you one day to walk away and never look back and four years to rebuild my life."

Alex stood there in shocking at hearing everything Olivia was telling her. She had researched her transfer when she had heard about it and all she could discover was that she had requested the transfer not the other way around. Everything about what Olivia was telling her was well hidden.

"Then I ran into you that day at the café and the last thing I wanted you to know was I still hadn't moved on. That after all those years I was still in love with you. That every night when I finally got home I would pull our wedding picture out that I kept hidden in our nightstand and tell you all about my day. I would pull it out and ask your opinions on leads or if I was looking to buy something new. You know because the picture could answer.'

"Olivia you're not the only person who's done something like that."

"But at least most have the sanity to stop after a little while. I didn't but anyways. So I saw you at the café and tried to make a getaway but you caught me before I could. Without even clearing it with Rollins I took her hand and introduced her as my girlfriend. I was beyond thankful that she played right along. Then about a month later I ran into a mutual friend of ours that I hadn't seen in a while and they asked how I was doing. Was I seeing anyone? So I told them that I was and we had broken up. I didn't do that so it would make it back to you. I did it to Rollins lord knows I owed it to her."

Alex nodded.

"Then you came to me and I was thrilled when you said you wanted to try again. I was terrified because I couldn't take losing you a second time. I didn't tell anyone because of the questions I got the first time we divorced. It wasn't because I was ashamed of you or felt that you weren't important enough to me to let others know. It's not an excuse but it was a defense mechanism."

"I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes." Alex said.

"Then you tell me about the hysterectomy and tried to walk out on me again. That hurt more than I let you know because I didn't want you to feel the pain. It wasn't because we couldn't physically have a child together I meant it when I say I don't give a damn about that. It was because you didn't tell me in the beginning. That's what hurt."

"I wish I had now, believe me."

"Then you come into the station and attack Rollins and accuse me of having an affair. For you to automatically assume that, I think short of the divorce, that has hurt me the most. Because what you told me today is that you don't trust me. Alex if that's the case, that's it, there isn't an us."

"I know." Alex said crying harder realizing that her own stupidity had just cost her everything.

"So I have said all that to say this" Olivia said closing the gap between them wiping the tears that fell from Alex's eyes "I am an ass."

"What?" Alex choked out pulling back to look at Olivia.

"I am an ass and let's see if I can remember exactly how it was put to me. If I don't straighten my ass up now then someone else will step in and be the woman you need and deserve. So my question is am I too late or can we save us?"

* * *

**A/N: Be honest you thought this was a goodbye speech didn't you. ** **I love you guys but I have to keep you on the edge of your seats. It wouldn't be me if I didn't constantly throw twists and turns on you, always expect the unexpected. **


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Before you start reading let me warn you that you will find Alex OOC. Please understand that no matter how put together you are what you go through behind closed doors and how you handle a divorce will shock people. I hope everyone enjoys this much awaited chapter.**

* * *

"Yes, we can save us," Alex said as she cupped both sides of Olivia's face with her hands, "You've told your side of what happened after the divorce; now let me share what happened to me after the divorce. The hardest thing I ever did was ask you for the divorce. Seeing the pain in your eyes each time I miscarried was too much for me. You were always the strong one and you hid your pain to take care of me. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for not asking you how you felt, and that I never gave you that option to talk to me."

"Alex…"

"I let you speak, Liv. Please, let me."

"Okay."

"Thank you. Then I heard you tell Elliot one night that it would be a cold day in hell before you ever told me to stop. That you would suffer in silence every time, just to know I was happy. Liv, you can only break someone's heart so many times before there's nothing left of it, and that was what I was doing to you. So, instead of talking to you, I was a coward and left."

Olivia sighed as she ran her hands through her hair.

"But that didn't stop me from loving you," Alex said continuing on, "I still kept tabs on you. I knew when you left SVU and went to cybercrimes. Although the reasoning surrounding your transfer is probably the best kept secret with NYPD because I could find nothing out, and, believe me, I paid top dollar for those investigators when I couldn't open the doors myself. Had I known the truth about the transfer, I would have been back. Maybe not to tell you I still love you and that I made a mistake, but, at the very least, to tell you to stop it. SVU was/is your life; it always has been and always will be your life. But on that note, you weren't the only one who became self destructive."

"Alex?" Olivia said in a questioning tone. She'd never once thought that Alex would ever do anything self destructive or, at the very least, tarnish the Cabot name.

"That's right, Olivia, I was self destructing as well. I started by throwing myself into my work, sometimes sleeping at the office night after night because I didn't want to face an empty motel room alone. Yes, I rented a motel by the week because I didn't want to stay in the big, spacious apartment by myself. I figured renting one of those efficiency motel rooms by the week was the way to go. When I was forced out of the office for a week, I left town. I flew out to California. I had always said I wanted to visit there, so I went. While I was there, I discovered a great way to temporary forget about you."

Olivia arched an eyebrow at her.

"See, in California, no one knew the prestige that the Cabot name carried, so I went to club after club there. I found total strangers to take back to my motel, and there were a few times I paid for an escort service. Which was great, except I would constantly call your name out during sex, but these women are paid to be who you want them to be and how you want them to be. Then, when my week was up, I continued my newfound release back here in New York."

"You did what?" Olivia asked, shocked

"Yeah, I continued my escapades here in New York, was introduced to the Rave scene, where I was introduced to Ecstasy. Don't look so shocked, even the mighty Cabots fall and I got involved with drugs. While I knew I was risking my career and everything, I didn't care. I didn't have you, so I didn't care. Then, I met Christine. She saw me one day and started talking to me. She was the first person, since you, to show any interest in me for something other than my money or a quickie. After a while, I began to trust her and she helped me with my rehab. None of which, you will ever find a record of anywhere, by the way."

"I'm thankful she did."

"As time went on, I stopped seeing other people and we worked on forming a very solid relationship. Which considering the background I was offering was amazing to me, so when she asked me to marry her, I was shocked to say the least. So, I said yes, knowing full well that my heart still belonged to you. In my mind, I figured I owed her in some way for all that she helped me with. In truth, that was why I loved her. I was never in love with her, but I did love her."

Alex took a deep breath before continuing.

"Yes, on my wedding day I was happy and smiling because the woman that stood next to me had helped me through some of my darkest times and never once judged me for it. In a lot of ways, she was you. It was Christine that convinced me to take the ICC job after that trial with Nardalee. She thought that it was the case that had affected me so much. It wasn't it was the fact that I was back with the 1-6 and you were gone. I couldn't see you. So, she discovered the ICC. She presented all the information to me and I thought it was a wonderful idea. I would be more than one continent away from you, so maybe just maybe, I could forget you but believe me you are unforgettable."

"Wow."

"Yeah, and I don't think I need to discuss the café incident since we have discussed that and what led up to the divorce."

"No, I remember."

Alex smiled at Olivia, "Then, we began to work everything out which, believe me, that was a miracle within itself or, at least, to me it was. We were doing great, well, beyond great. Then I saw you in the café. Liv, I know you have never given me a reason to doubt you or your faithfulness to me, and you will never know how sorry I am about that. When I looked through the window and saw you two, and then she kissed you, honey, I lost it. I know you have told me that what I saw at the café was just a performance and I believe you, believe me, I do."

"Then why…"

"Liv," Alex said pulling away from Olivia, "You gave her the smile, the smile that I had always received and no one else."

Olivia smiled at Alex with that little twinkle in her eyes.

"You brushed her hair back," Alex continued.

Olivia took a step forward and brushed a few strands of hair that framed Alex's face and tucked it behind her ear, just like she had done to Rollins.

"You whispered in her ear," Alex continued

"If we're supposed to be dating, at least pretend you're interested in me," Olivia whispered into Alex's ear.

"Then, she," Alex started to say but stopped, "What?"

"That's what I whispered in her ear," Olivia said, "I told her we're supposed to be dating and to at least pretend she was interested in me."

"I can see why she laughed so hard, then," Alex said, laughing as well.

"Exactly."

"Could you put yourself in my shoes?" Alex asked, taking Olivia by the hand, "You're walking by and then see your girlfriend with another woman in a somewhat compromising situation. Every logical thought I had flew out the window. I had justified the incident by the time you called me to cancel dinner, but when I heard her voice in the background, sounding so sweet and loving, every logical thought I had left."

"You thought her voice sounded sweet and loving?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, I did. As illogical as it was at that moment, I just knew you were cheating."

"Why would I cheat on you?" Olivia asked. "I finally have my life back, why the hell would I destroy that for a romp in the hay with Rollins?"

"Why not, Olivia?" Alex asked, "I mean, let's face it, she is a very beautiful woman and blonde, which is your type."

"You know, I think I need to worry," Olivia said, arching an eyebrow at Alex, "You have said she is very beautiful and her voice sounds sweet and loving."

"You mean, you haven't ever looked at her?"

"Not in that way, besides, why would I? I have a beautiful blonde with a sweet, sexy, loving, hot voice that she can't even begin to compare to."

"You always were a sweet talker."

"Not a sweet talker, honey, I am only telling you the truth," Olivia said, taking a deep breath and continuing, "I want to know though, does your line of thinking, that I am cheating on you, with Rollins, have anything to do with you not being able to have children?"

"No, yes, I don't know, maybe." Alex said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Do you feel like you are less of a woman because of that fact?"

"Where is this coming from?" Alex asked.

"Let's just say, I was not only shown the error of my ways tonight, but I had my eyes opened on something as well."

"Meaning…"

"That it is possible that you feel insecure because you can't have children, and nothing I say or do will change that. That, because of that, you may feel like you're less of a woman and that I will go looking for the one thing you can't give me, a child. Above all, that fear is there and will always be there, and that I will find someone who can."

"I never wanted you to know," Alex said, hanging her head.

"Well, I need to know," Olivia said, raising Alex's head so she could look into her eyes, "You have no reason what so ever to feel insecure or fear me leaving because of this. I mean that."

"I know it's just hard to deal with. After I had the surgery, I went into a severe depression and had to take medication for a while, but they weaned me off of it after about a year."

"Now it's coming back?"

"Yes."

"Because you're back with me, and that's the one thing you've always wanted?"

"Yes."

"Ok, Alexandra, if you won't talk to me, talk to someone. I will take you to every appointment, I can hold your hand while you talk to the doctor, or I can wait in the waiting room. Hell, you don't even have to tell me who you're seeing and when you have the appointment, if you don't want to. I just want you to talk to someone."

"I can do that," Alex answered.

"Okay," Olivia whispered as she gently kissed Alex on the lips, "I have to go, but I promise to call you sometime later today, okay?"

"Be careful," Alex said, walking Olivia to the door.

"I love you," Olivia said before walking out the door.

* * *

**To the one reviewer who keeps telling me to get a beta. I do have a beta and she is a very good beta but thanks to my career, my schedule often conflicts with hers and there are plenty of times that she doesn't get to do her job. Now I promise you if you read a police report that I have written you will see the college graduate with three degrees that I am. But on here I don't have to be as perfect as I do in real life. **


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Have I told you guys lately how wonderful you are. What was supposed to be a one shot has now turned into 31 chapters, 404 reviews, 46 favorites and 99 followings. Not to mention what I found to be very shocking to me. I have an account on twitter and saw where someone posted something about reading a story on fanfic and how much they liked the author. I like to see what everyone reads (the cop in me) so I asked the person what stories did they like to read and I discovered that they were talking about my story. To discover they were talking about my stories floored me to say the least. Whenever I write and post a story I never expect them to take off like they do. I find it amazing each day when I wake up to find review after review posted on them. From the bottom of my heart thank you so much**

Alex slung the handful of bills she had in her hand at the cab driver and bolted out of the still moving cab. She barreled through the entrance door and directly up to the information desk.

"Excuse me miss I am…" Alex started to say but was silenced when the woman held up a finger.

"Please take a seat it will be a minute." The woman said without ever looking up.

"I am not taking a seat" Alex said through clenched teeth "I am Alexandra Cabot and I am searching for Detective Olivia Benson."

"Ma'am you will have to sit over there and wait until I can find someone to talk to you." The woman said looking up at the blonde.

"I suggest you go and find.." Alex started to order the woman but stopped when she heard her name being called. She spun on her heels and saw Captain Cragen coming toward her.

"Don what happened?" Alex asked as she walked up to him.

"The man we have been after struck tonight." Cragen said as he motioned for the woman behind the counter to buzz him back in after flashing her his badge "They actually look much worse then what they are."

"What happened Don?" Alex asked again placing a hand on his arm to stop him from walking.

"Before we knew what happened the man snatched Olivia and Amanda dragging them both down an alley a few block from the club. We heard Olivia shout out the code word. The next thing we heard was gunfire over the wire and Rollins screaming for help."

"Don." Alex said as tears started to fall from her eyes.

"Liv's ok" Don said realizing how it sounded and knowing all to well from previous times how the blonde would jump to the worst case scenario. "Olivia seemed to take the brunt of the beating from the perp. Not that she didn't dish it out as good as she received. She has three broken ribs, a bruised kidney, and will be sporting a nice shiner for a while. Rollins has a through and through on her right shoulder and a few stitches in the back of her head. She is currently having a MRI done to verify there is no cranial bleeding. Both should be released tonight as long as all tests come back normal."

"Why was Olivia beaten and Rollins shot?"

"It seems he took Olivia at gunpoint and told Rollins to do as he said otherwise he would put a bullet in her lovers head. She nodded in agreement and Olivia elbowed him in the stomach. She charged him and knocked him to the ground and they wrestled for the gun. She was trying to disarm him when the gun went off and by some miracle caught her in the shoulder. When he kicked her off him her head hit the concrete wall that she was kicked into. As soon as Rollins was free Olivia charged him and kicked the gun free. After that it was hand to hand combat until he had Olivia down and was repeatedly kicking her. That was when by some miracle Rollins came too and shot the bastard left handed. Thank god our little southern transplant is Annie Oakley reincarnated."

"Where are they?" Alex asked finally calming down some.

"Olivia is right through that door straight ahead and Rollins will be on the opposite side of the curtain in her room once she returns." Cragen said pointing straight at a door that had an officer posted at it. "Go ahead she's pretty pissed that I called and woke you up. Maybe you can calm her down."

"I'll try" Alex answered as she took a few steps but stopped and turned to face Cragen "Don, where is the suspect?"

"Morgue" Cragen answered with a smile "I told you Rollins is little Annie Oakley reincarnated."

Alex smiled at the officer as she stopped outside the door taking a deep breath. She exhaled a slow breath before reaching out and turning the handle to enter the room. She felt tears flood her eyes when she saw the bruise that was already starting to form on Olivia's face.

"It's not as bad as it looks" Olivia said without ever opening her eyes "I told Cragen to let you sleep."

"Let me sleep" Alex cried out as she made her way to her lover "Let me sleep."

"I'm fine and will only be sore for a few days. There was no need to scare ten years off your life by calling you." Olivia said forcing a smile on her face as she finally opened her eyes and looked at the blonde for the first time since she entered the room.

"I lose ten years off my life every time the phone rings when I know you're out in the field" Alex said as she pulled the chair up next Olivia's bed and took her hand in hers "I wouldn't change a minute of it to save my life either."

"Rollins got the worse of it." Olivia mumbled as she looked over at the curtain that separated her bed from Rollins "They took her away a little while ago and she hasn't been back yet."

"They took her to do an MRI from where her head met the concrete wall. They want to make sure there's no inter cranial bleeding. If not both of you two should be released tonight."

"She shoved me out of the way and took the guy to the ground." Olivia said still staring at the curtain. "She took my bullet."

"She did the same thing you would have done" Alex said standing and pulling the curtain back when they heard voices on the other side of the curtain so that Olivia could see Rollins for herself.

"Ma'am this curtain needs to stay closed" A young man wearing scrubs said turning to face Alex.

"My partner is detective Olivia Benson and this young woman is detective Amanda Rollins." Alex stated leveling one of her famous Cabot stares at the young man "She is took the bullet that was meant for Detective Benson."

"I understand ma'am but she is entitled to her privacy." The man stated as he reached for the curtain to close it back.

"Leave it" Rollins said from behind the man.

"Ma'am we are about to go over your test results." The man said facing Rollins.

"Do you not think they won't hear about five minutes after you leave?" Rollins asked as she struggled to sit up more "It will make it easier trust me."

"Very well." The man said closing the chart he held in his hand "Your MRI showed no signs of bleeding and we saw no signs of a concussion either. You will have one hell of a headache that will probably put any hangover you may have ever had to shame. Your wound was a through and through with very little muscle damage. You need to change your bandages twice a day and limit the movement of your arm for at least the first two weeks."

"I can do that." Rollins said.

"Now I need to know who we are releasing you to so I can go through what they need to look for in case of an infection."

"I live alone and my family lives in Georgia" Rollins groaned realizing that she was now stuck in the hospital.

"You will be releasing her and Detective Benson to my care." Alex said without even thinking twice. "What do I need to be looking for?"

"If there is any redness or heat coming from the site" The doctor stated turning to face Alex "If she starts to run a temperature higher than 99.9 as well she needs to be brought back in immediately. She will also need to take her pain meds every four hours on the dot to minimize the pain as much as possible for the first few days."

"Ok and what about Detective Benson?"

"Keep ice on her eye to try and minimize the swelling as much as possible but don't be surprised if it swells shut for the first day or two. There's not a lot we can do for the ribs or the bruised kidney. She will need to take the pain meds every four hours to keep the pain at a minimum as well. Although because of the bruised kidney she will have spasm from time to time which is not out of the ordinary. What you need to look for is an increased amount of blood in her urine that is visible, any swelling in her lower back, and a fever as well. If she encounters any of those symptoms have her brought back in immediately. Both women do need to follow up with their physicians in five days."

"Ok, Thank you." Alex said extending her hand to the young man "Do you know how much longer till they are released?"

"I just need to write up the discharge orders so it shouldn't be no more than about twenty minutes max." He said as he quickly made his way to the door to leave "I will have a nurse bring everything back in shortly."

Alex smiled at the young man as he quickly closed the door behind himself. He seemed awfully quick to get the two women out of the ER which left her to wonder if Rollins was the same type of patient that Olivia was whenever she was brought in.

"Thanks Alex" Rollins said as she reached for her shirt wincing in pain "I appreciate you speaking up so I wasn't stuck here. I can have Fin take me home."

"Nonsense Rollins" Alex said as she grabbed her shirt cringing at the blood she saw on it before helping Rollins put it back on "I meant it, you are being discharged to my care. I have a spare bedroom that you will be staying in. We can send Fin to pick up anything you need and have it brought over to my place."

"Alex…" Rollins started to say but was cut off by a glare from Alex.

"Amanda I owe you." Alex said as tears started to fall from her eyes "You're the reason we are still together now and you're the reason she's still alive tonight. So please allow me this."

Amanda glanced over at Olivia who smiled and nodded at her before she turned back to face Alex.

"On one condition." Rollins said.

"Name it."

"If I become a burden let me know and I will leave."

"It's a deal." Alex answered laughing as she shook Rollins left hand "It's a deal."


	32. Chapter 32

Alex smiled at her sleeping lover before shutting the door and checking in on Rollins who was currently sleeping in Madison's room. The night had been rough for both women each apparently reliving the nights events in their dreams. If Alex wasn't soothing and calming Olivia back to sleep she was up and running to do the same to Rollins. Finally sometime around five in the morning exhaustion took over their bodies and allowed them to get some sleep. That is if you wanted to call them thrashing and moaning in their beds sleep. She had just poured what she figured would be the first of many cups of coffee for the day when she heard a knock at the door.

"Christine" Alex said opening the door seeing her ex wife standing there with their daughter.

"I'm sorry Alex." Christine said "I have a meeting I have to get to at eleven. The merger I've been working on is about to fall through. I should be done by twelve thirty one at the latest. Will you please watch Madison?"

"You know I will" Alex said opening the door and motioning them to enter "You never have to ask or beg me to take our daughter Christine."

"I know."

"Ok." Alex said turning to face Madison "Honey I need to talk to your mommy in the kitchen for a few minutes and then you can help me fix breakfast for Olivia and Amanda if you want to."

"Amanda's here?" Madison asked confused

"She is baby and she is currently sleeping in your room so if you go in there try not to wake her ok. I will explain everything after I talk to your mommy."

Madison nodded as she went to sit on the couch and watch some tv.

"Come on I was about to have a cup of coffee" Alex said as she motioned Christine to follow her "let me pour you a cup."

"Who is Amanda?" Christine asked as she followed Alex into the kitchen.

"Detective Amanda Rollins of the Special Victims Unit at the 1-6." Alex said as she poured Christine a cup of coffee and fixed it the way she liked it without thinking "Her and Olivia have been working undercover for the past two weeks and the suspect they have been after finally struck last night."

"How bad?" Christine asked as she noticed the unshed tears in Alex's eyes.

"Amanda took the bullet meant for Olivia." Alex said exhaling "Olivia has three broken ribs, bruised kidney, and some other minor bruising. Amanda has no family in New York so I agreed to have her released to my care."

"Alex I'm really sorry." Christine said placing a hand on Alex's trembling hand "I can see if Carmen can get off work or take an extended lunch and watch Madison.'

"NO" Alex said pulling her hand away "I didn't tell you that because I don't or won't watch our daughter. I told you that so you would know what was going on. I didn't want you blindsided or surprised by it."

"Alex I trust you with our daughter one hundred percent" Christine said as she stood "As much as I hate to admit it I do trust Olivia with our daughter as well. I appreciate the courtesy you extended to me by telling me. It means a lot but are you sure you can handle Madison on top of it. I understand if you can't believe me I do."

"No I have it." Alex said standing as well and following Christine to the door.

"Listen" Christine said turning to face Alex "If you need help have Madison call Carmen she knows her cell phone number. She works as an ICU nurse over at Bellevue but she is also on their trauma team. If you need help with anything, Olivia, Amanda, or Madison just call her."

"Thank you." Alex said choking back more tears.

"You're welcome." Christine said "Hey baby I should be back by one ok, I love you."

"I love you too."

Alex shut the door behind her ex wife and shook her head in amazement. She never thought she would see the day that they would be as civil as they were just now, especially something over Olivia. Now Christine was offering to have Carmen help if need be. She would have to say the best thing Olivia ever did was force her way into Christine's apartment.

"Come help me with breakfast and I will tell you everything." Alex said smiling at Madison.

"Ok" Madison said jumping up and following Alex into the kitchen.

"Here baby" Alex said handing her a pan and a can of biscuits "Get the biscuits ready for the oven."

Madison nodded as she took the items from her momma and sat down at the table, while Alex pulled the bacon and sausage from the fridge.

"Do you remember when you saw Olivia and Amanda in the café?" Alex asked.

"Yeah she kissed Amanda." Madison answered the anger evident in her tone.

"She did baby." Alex exhaled as she turned to face her daughter "She was working undercover. They were after a man who would attack lesbians. To draw him out they posed as a couple, which required them to kiss."

"So they were pretending?'

"Yes baby."

"Oh, did they get him?"

"They got him last night but in the process Olivia and Amanda was injured."

"How?"

"The man" Alex said as she turned around to start the bacon not wanting Madison to see the fear and tears in her eyes "Shot Amanda and he attacked Olivia. They are both ok but they are very sore and tired."

"Can I help you take care of them?"

"I couldn't think of a better nurse to have." Olivia said from the door way where she stood.

"Olivia" Madison said jumping up and running to her without thinking and wrapping her arms around her.

"Hey tiger" Olivia said through clenched teeth as the pain shot through her.

"MADISON" Alex shouted as she ran to them and gently pulled her from Olivia "Baby Olivia's ribs are hurt you can't hug her that tight right now."

"She's fine" Olivia muttered clenching her eyes closed.

"That's why you have your jaw clenched tight?" Alex whispered as she placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"The pain will go away." Olivia said inhaling as deep of a breath as she could take as she allowed Alex to lead her into the living room "You didn't tell me you had her today."

"It wasn't planned." Alex answered propping some pillows behind Olivia's head as she coached her to lay down "Christine just dropped her off while she goes to an emergency meeting to save some merger she's been working on. She should be back by one to get her."

"Do you want me to see if Fin can take us for a few hours?" Olivia asked as she started to sit up again but was stopped by Alex.

"No. I want you to lay back and try to relax." Alex answered as she brushed the hair from Olivia's forehead "I need you to let me take care of you."

Olivia took Alex's hand and kissed the palm of it while locking eyes with her. She slowly moved it down her body till she laid it against her chest above her heart and placed her hand gently over it.

Alex closed her eyes when she felt Olivia's heart beat under her hand. She felt the flood of tears coming when she realized how close she came to never being able to feel her heart beat again. She took a deep breath before opening her eyes and staring into Olivia's brown eyes.

"You need to get back to Madison before she gets scared or shall we say more than what she already is." Olivia said in a soft voice "And before you burn breakfast."

"You almost had me" Alex said laughing as she walked back into the kitchen breathing a sigh of relief. Even though Olivia was by her side all night and she could reach out and touch her when she wanted to it wasn't enough. To actually feel her heart beating under her hand and to be able to look into her eyes was what she wanted and desperately needed. That simple act told her everything would be ok.

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**A/N: This was the best way I could think of to incorporate Madison and Christine into the story while they were injured. I couldn't tell you how many times I wrote and rewrote this chapter. I hope everyone loves the end result. **


	33. Chapter 33

"You landed on Park Place with two hotels." Madison said with a smile on her face "That will be three thousand dollars rent please."

"Jesus Liv this child will make a hell of a real-estate seller." Rollins stated as she forked over the last of her money.

"What did you expect Amanda?" Olivia asked laughing "Alex is a top notch attorney and Christine is a top notch market manager. I pity the fool who ever decides to butt heads with her."

"I do too" Amanda said laughing as she heard someone knock on the door "I'll get the door while she cleans you out."

"She cleaned me out two rolls ago" Olivia hollered after Amanda "I'm just trying to break even.

"Good luck" Amanda called over her shoulder as she opened the door seeing a woman she had never seen before standing there "Can I help you?"

"I'm here to get Madison." Christine answered "You must be Amanda Rollins."

"I am" Rollins answered reaching for her gun out of habit and not finding it so instead pulling the door tighter against her "You are who and why are you asking for Madison."

"I'm Christine her mother." Christine said extending her hand to Rollins.

"Nice to meet you" Rollins said shaking her hand and opening the door for her to step in "Sorry I've never met you before so…"

"I wasn't getting within ten feet of my daughter?" Christine said with some laughter in her voice. "I appreciate the protectiveness."

"She's one of us now there's no way we're going to let anything happen to her." Rollins answered as she shut the door

"A case of I'd have to kill you first to get to her?" Christine asked even though she knew the answer.

"Yes and I hope you're a damn good shot because I know I am." Rollins stated as she pointed into the living room. "We're in here being stripped of all our cash by her."

"Didn't Alex ever tell you not to play monopoly with her that kid is a genius when it comes to money?"

"No kidding" Olivia said standing and going to greet Christine "How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm really sorry I had to drop Madison off earlier."

"Christine you know we don't care and will gladly take her anytime. Hell we would take her everyday if we could and I don't mean that the way you may think."

"I know you don't Olivia and I'm so thankful that you are the way you are with my daughter." Christine said as she looked around "Where is Alex?"

"She left us in the capable hands of Madison here so she could take a quick shower."

"Honey clean up while I wait for your momma and talk with Olivia and Amanda." Christine said as she motioned the two women to follow her into the kitchen.

Olivia took a deep breath and followed Christine into the kitchen. She could only begin to imagine what she had to say about this.

"How are you two feeling?" Christine asked as she turned to face Olivia and Amanda.

"Sore but its nothing we can't handle." Olivia answered still bracing for the blow.

"Alex said he got you both pretty bad, you have some broken ribs and you were shot." Christine said looking at Amanda

"Yes ma'am" Amanda said glancing at Olivia out of the corner of her eye.

"Other than being sore you guys are recovering just fine."

"It's the first day but yeah, we're both ok."

"Ladies I'm glad you're both ok." Christine said taking a step forward turning to face Olivia "I need you to be extra careful when you're out there on the street."

"I always am." Olivia answered with a confused look on her face.

"I need you to be even more careful if that's possible."

"Christine I'm always careful." Olivia answered.

"There's no doubt in my mind about that but you didn't see the pain and worry I saw this morning." Christine told her "I may not be with her anymore but I still love her and you know how that feels. To see the tears she tried to keep at bay tore my heart into pieces. Not to mention Madison adores you more than I think you realize. When you're out there please keep that in mind."

"I promise you Christine that they are always on my mind." Olivia said with a smile on her face "Everything I do is for them. I work hard to make the world safer for Madison and to be a better person everyday for Alex. I have no intention of not coming home one night but that's a risk I take in this career."

"One I have accepted from day one." Alex said as she came to stand by Olivia's side "And I'm starting to think that leaving you alone for a shower was not a good idea."

"Honey it was a great idea." Olivia said taking Alex by the hand and squeezing it "Why not go and spend these last few minutes with Madison."

"Liv?"

"We're good." Olivia answered glancing at Amanda silently communicating for her to take Alex into the living room.

"Come on" Rollins said guiding Alex back into the living room "I have to schedule a rematch to try and redeem some of my money back."

"Look it's scary being the wife/partner of an officer." Olivia said as she took a seat at the table 'I know that and I do try to make it as easy for her as I can. Days like yesterday were unavoidable no matter what we do. He had already attacked four couples and there is no telling how many more he would have attacked had Rollins not taken his life. That is not something we are proud of either but, when it comes down to it and the choice is we go home or they do, we are taught that we go home. But I do not, _I do not_, put myself in unnecessary danger. Shall I say, not anymore I have too much to lose."

"Thank you" Christine said walking up and squeezing Olivia's shoulder "I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries but I do have a stake in what happens to you."

"You didn't" Olivia said standing "I understand, you're worried about how it will affect Madison. Honestly I would much rather you come to me than to let it fester or make side remarks. The one thing without a doubt that we have in common, besides Alex, is the fact that we want what's best for Madison."

"Agreed and thank you for talking with me."

"Christine I want you to know that you can come and talk to me any time about anything that is bothering you or that you are concerned about with Madison, especially if it concerns me. We have to reach some type of common ground and have a somewhat friendly relationship."

"I know and the funny thing is no matter how much I want to hate you" Christine said laughing "You make it impossible. Alex is happy and you're amazing with Madison. Tell me where's your flaw? What is it?"

"I work too much." Olivia answered as they walked into the living room together "I have to leave in the middle of the night sometimes, other times I'm not leaving the station till the middle of the night. I am not here being the partner that Alex needs and deserves."

"Something tells me" Christine said as she nodded in Alex's direction who was smiling at Olivia, the love she felt for her more than evident in her face "She wouldn't have it any other way."

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**A/N: Probably not the discussion or chapter you guys were looking for. LOL. Apparenntly last night I was in a writing mood because I was able to write on all four stories I have going and come up with two new ones. No you won't see those posted till I finish out one or two of the current ones I hvae going. I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for reading not only this story but all my stories. **


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Eva to answer your question yes Rollins and Christine did meet in chapter two but in this career you see so many people that you tend to forget them. I have ran into people I have dealt with just a week before and don't remember them. Like I like to say is that after 15 years everyone looks the same to me now. that is why I had them interact the way that they did. For those that are worried that Christine still holds a torch for Alex. She does and she always will. Alex is the mother of their child. As much as I hate my ex I do still love her because she is the mother of my child. **

* * *

Alex made sure the apartment was locked up before stopping and checking in on the blonde who was finally asleep. She made her way to her room and stood at the door just barely making out Olivia's outline in the bed. She sighed as she walked over and, as carefully as she could, slid into the bed.

"You know, I won't break," Olivia said into the darkened room, "You can come closer."

"I don't want to hurt you," Alex said as she reached out and took Olivia by the hand and squeezed it.

"Alex, I need to feel you against me," Olivia said, her voice finally breaking, "Please."

Alex closed her eyes to the pain she heard in her lover's voice and carefully scooted over closer to her.

"I meant," Olivia said as she clenched her teeth to the pain and pulled Alex almost on top of her, "I want you close. I mean, really close."

"Honey, your ribs," Alex pointed out as she kissed Olivia's cheek and scooted off the brunette. "I will lay here next to you, okay?"

Olivia wrapped her arm around Alex and held her in place as best she could.

"The whole time he was kicking me all I saw was your face," Olivia said into the dark, "How, no matter what happened, I had to make it out. There was no way on earth I was leaving you, especially since we haven't really had a chance to talk since that night."

Alex nodded as the tears started to fall from her eyes.

"Then I heard the gunshot. I honestly thought he had shot me till I heard Amanda screaming our location and for help. That was when I realized she had shot him. I struggled to crawl to her and when I made it to her I gave her a big hug and kissed her."

" You what?" Alex asked, pulling back to look at Olivia in the dark room.

"On the cheek, woman," Olivia said with some laughter in her voice, "You're the only blonde I ever want to kiss. Hell, you're the only woman I want to kiss till the day I die. I owed her my life so, I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. The next thing I knew, the guys were there, and we were pulled apart, and sent to the hospital in separate ambulances."

"You were scared."

"Terrified, Alex, she was shot and then no one would tell me anything. Cragen was the one who finally got them to place her in the same room as me with a curtain separating us. I wasn't happy about that, but I could hear her voice so I knew she was okay. That's all I wanted, all I needed, to know that she was alive and okay."

"I understand," Alex whispered as she settled back down next to Olivia. She did understand and know all too well from the many times before that Olivia and Elliot had been injured. Neither would ever calm down till they could physically see that the other was okay.

"Then I heard Cragen calling you, I was ready to hit the roof," Olivia went on to explain, "I didn't want him to wake you up. I didn't want him to scare you. I wanted to call you. I wanted you to be able to hear my voice because I knew you wouldn't panic as bad then."

"Hearing your voice or not, I will still panic," Alex said, "I will panic the same that you do until you can lay your eyes on the injured officer. No matter what you say or do that won't change."

"I know and then he tells me that you hung up on him. At first, I thought you weren't coming."

"Why?"

"Honey, we hadn't really talked since that night. The next time we had a chance to have a conversation, it was long enough for me to tell you that Rollins was moving into my apartment for the duration of the sting. I know you said you were okay with it, but I could still hear the hesitation in your voice."

"Allow me to clarify why I sounded the way I sounded."

"Okay."

"I wasn't doubting you or your faithfulness to me, I was mad. She would get to see you daily. She would be there when you turned out the lights. She would be the one to hear your nightmares and try to calm you down, not me. I want that to be me. Even though it was for an undercover operation, she was going to be there, comforting you when it should have been me. The thought of someone else doing that instead of me, just, I just can't take it, not when we've come as far as we have."

"It is you, honey," Olivia said rolling the best she could so she could see Alex "It has always been you and it will always be you."

"Every imaginable scenario went through my head on the ride to the hospital. I know Cragen said your injuries were minor, but on the ride there I kept picturing in my head of me arriving too late. That somewhere, somehow, they missed something and you took a turn for the worse and they couldn't save you. That when I arrived, all I would be able to do is see your body. Never be able to hold you again. Never be able to tell you how much I love you and how much I need you."

Olivia leaned forward and kissed the tears that were falling from Alex's eyes.

"Then, the nurse at the station was putting me off. She told me to have a seat. Her only saving grace was the fact that Cragen must have seen me come in because he came out into the waiting room and took me to you. Then to physically lay eyes on you, you lying in the bed, eyes closed, finally looking at peace. I knew that my worst nightmare had come true. Then I heard the best sound in the world, your voice. I wanted to hit the floor on my knees then and thank god you were okay. Then I wanted to start smacking you for scaring me so badly."

"Days like yesterday are unavoidable."

"I know," Alex said as she exhaled slowly, "I knew that the first time we dated and married just as well as I know it now. But, that doesn't make it any easier. So, until you retire, I will panic when you are at work. I will jump and hold my breath like I always do when the phone rings. I will internally freak out until I physically lay my eyes on you and I'm able to touch you. Then, at night, when you come home, to me, and I hold you in my arms as you fight the demons of the night in your sleep, I will thank god that I have been given one more day with you. Because, no matter the panic and worry I go through, the end result is more than worth it."

"I love you," Olivia choked out, pulling Alex close against her despite the pain that shot through her.

"I love you too," Alex cried as she kissed Olivia.


	35. Chapter 35

"Let me help you," Alex said quietly from the door way, where she was watching Amanda attempting to change her bandages herself.

"Thanks," Rollins said, glancing up and then away as if she was ashamed, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You should have," Alex said, smiling at the blonde as she took the bandage from her hand and placed it on the wound, "Can you hold that there for me?"

Amanda nodded as she held the square bandage in place while Alex tore the tap to secure it to her.

"All done," Alex said as she stepped back, "Want a cup of coffee?"

"I can get it, thank you," Rollins said as she stood and started to take a step, but stopped when Alex spun on her heels and glared at her.

"Sit, detective, and sit now," Alex ordered pointing at the chair that Rollins had just left, "I will bring you the cup of coffee. The whole reason you are here is so I can help you with your recovery. Now, you need to let me do that."

"Why, Alex?" Rollins asked the blonde as she sat in the chair that Alex was pointing at.

"How is your pain?" Alex asked as she ignored the question Rollins asked, sitting the cup of coffee in front of Rollins and sitting opposite of her, "Do you need a pain pill?"

"Nothing I can't handle."

"The doctor wanted you to take your pain pills every four hours and you haven't. Hell, Amanda, when you do take one, you're only taking a half of one."

"I appreciate your concern for me, "Amanda said, standing and heading toward the door, "The pain's not bad. It's not the first time I've been shot and I'm pretty sure it won't be my last."

"Stop," Alex said through clenched teeth and was utterly amazed that the woman, who she could only be describe as hard headed as Olivia, if not more so, did as she asked, "Rollins, you're not on your own anymore, I'm here to help you.'

"Why?" Rollins asked again, turning around to face Alex, "Not three weeks ago you stood in the middle of the squad room accusing me of sleeping with Olivia. Why would you want to help the woman who is trying to steal your woman?"

"Simple," Alex said standing "You know the old saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer? I figured as long as I have you here, I can keep an eye on you. I won't have to worry about you and Liv sneaking off together."

"Jesus, Alex," Amanda said, walking back into the kitchen, "There is nothing and has never been nothing between me and Olivia. If you would get your head out of your ass, you would realize that the only person that she has eyes for is you. I suggest you do it soon before you lose the best thing to ever happen to you."

"Wow, you bought that?" Alex said, laughing, "Rollins, we talked the night of the incident and, let's just say, I'm not forgiven per se, but we are working past it."

"Then, why help me?" Rollins asked

"I'll ask you, why not?"

"You accused me of sleeping with Olivia."

"Yes, which I was monumentally wrong about."

"Still, don't you see me as a threat?"

"No, I don't because the one thing I have learned, which was something I already knew, was that Olivia loves me and the last thing she would ever do is destroy what we have worked so hard to recover."

"Why come at me?"

"Come on, I saw you two kissing in the deli. Wouldn't you have the same reaction and besides we are talking about Olivia here. You have to admit, she is hot."

"Yeah, she looks great and all, but not to offend you, she doesn't interest me."

"Not your type, huh?" Alex said, laughing again as she motioned for Rollins to take a seat again,

"Here I thought Olivia was everyone's type."

"I will admit that she is a nice looking woman, especially for her age."

"Don't let her hear you say that, she is a little testy about the age."

"Who are you telling?" Rollins said, laughing grabbing her shoulder at the pain that shot through it, "I made a comment one time about how much longer she had to retirement and you would have thought I shot her dog."

"I have to agree, her age is a bit of a sore spot with her," Alex said, gasping for air from laughing so hard, "So, you said Liv wasn't your type, would you mind telling me what your type is?"

"I believe that it may shock you."

"Try me."

"I prefer my men tall, dark, and handsome with a nice set of abs to boot."

"What?" Alex said, shocked at what she was hearing, "No offense, but the gaydar was going off with you."

"No, none taken. I get that a lot, especially since I grew up as a tomboy and chose this as a profession," Amanda said, laughing at Alex's response and facial expression, "I actually have a preference to men. I did my little college experiment, like most women in college, but it wasn't for me. I would have thought that Olivia would have told you."

"Told her what?" Olivia asked, walking in on the two women sitting at the table smiling and laughing. "Is there something I should be worried about?"

"I'm sorry; did we wake you, honey?" Alex said as she rushed to her side, guiding her to the chair she just left.

"It's ok," Olivia said, smiling at Alex as she reached up and caressed her face, "You're so beautiful."

"Thank you," Alex whispered, overcome with emotions, leaning down and gently kissing Olivia on the lips, "Want a cup of coffee?"

"Please," Olivia answered as she turned to Rollins, who was trying to look anywhere but at the two women who were sharing a private moment, "What was I suppose to tell her?"

"That I'm straight," Rollins said, looking at Olivia with a look of shock on her face, "How could you not share that with her?"

"It's not like we discussed what your preferences were and when I told her the truth about the café I did tell her that I thought you were straight " Olivia pointed out, "But to tell you the truth I often got mixed signals from you, as well."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and since you hadn't denied nor confirmed anything, I assumed if you were gay, you didn't want anyone to know and if you were straight, I thought it was best to keep my mouth shut."

"Well, I assure you, I am straight, very straight," Rollins said, laughing, "I should have said something when you came into the bullpen, but you had caught me so off guard I didn't know what to say once I realized what you were talking about. I'm sorry that I mislead you."

"Don't be," Alex answered as she pulled a chair up and joined the two women, "If anyone can bring anyone out of the closet, it's Olivia."

"You thought she brought me out?"

"Rollins, allow me to share a little story with you," Alex said, smiling at the blonde who had a shocked look on her face, "You see, until I started dating Olivia, I only dated men."

"What?" Rollins asked, looking from Alex to Olivia and back to Alex.

"I was in the closet and had every intention of staying there, as well. But there was something about her," Alex said as she took Olivia's hand and smiled at her, "No matter what I did, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I must have been giving all the right signals because she asked me out and I jumped at the chance. Until that moment, I had never dated or been with another woman."

"You mean, Olivia was your first, all the way around?"

"And she will be my last," Alex answered with her eyes still glued to Olivia's.

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**A/N: I don't say it enough but you guys are amazing. I love each and everyone of you and thank you so much for all the reviews, not only on this story but my other ones as well. **


	36. Chapter 36

"Liv, Amanda," Alex said as she walked into the living room where the two women were watching a movie, "I have to run to the office and pick up a few files, then I have to run to the store to pick up a few items. Christine should be stopping by around four or a little later; it's my weekend with Madison and before either one of you says anything you both are staying while she is here."

"Alex, are you sure?" Rollins asked, standing, "I feel better and I'm getting more movement out of my arm. I can go home and besides I'm sure you and Olivia would like some time, just you two without the third wheel here."

"Amanda, I want you to stay and, no matter what you think, you are not the proverbial third wheel," Alex said as she grabbed her stuff to leave, "Besides you did say you wanted a rematch with her on Monopoly, this is your chance."

"I would love a rematch, but you two have to admit that you two would like some alone time."

"Hey, Rollins, what do you think a lock on the door is for?" Olivia chimed in with a smile on her face, "It's for those alone moments."

"Really, Liv," Rollins said, turning and throwing a throw pillow at the brunette, who caught it with ease and tossed it back at the blonde.

"Kids," Alex said, gaining their attention once again, "I was going to ask if you two would be okay while I'm gone, but I think I should ask can you two play nice while I'm gone instead."

"Alex, we are two of New York's finest, of course we can behave," Olivia said, smiling.

"I know and that's what scares me," Alex pointed out, looking between the two women.

"Are you implying that we lack the capability to behave without supervision?" Olivia asked.

Alex just raised an eyebrow and looked at Olivia with a look that said do you really want me to reply to that.

"I promise," Liv answered with laughter in her voice at the look that Alex was giving her, "We can and will play nice while you're gone."

"If you need me to come back early, call me," Alex said, smiling at the love of her life as she pulled her to her and kissed her, "I love you."

"I love you, too, baby," Olivia said, smiling at the blonde before releasing her so she could run her needed errands

"So, do you always do as Alex says?" Rollins asked, glancing at Olivia out of the corner of her eye as the movie they were watching ended.

"If you're hinting that I'm whipped, you're wrong."

"Really?" Rollins said, turning to face her, "Since I've been here all I've heard is: "yes dear, okay, my love, or whatever you want.""

"I'm just trying to reassure her since I was injured."

"You can call it what you want, Liv, but it's called being whipped."

"No, it's not," Olivia said, smacking Rollins with a pillow from the couch.

Rollins reached out and snatched the pillow from Olivia and quickly struck her with it before Olivia could block her.

"Oh, so it's like that?" Olivia said, getting a gleam in her eyes.

"Face it, I'm younger and faster than you are," Rollins said, baiting Olivia.

"I'll show you younger and faster," Olivia stated as she lunged at Rollins.

Rollins grunted as they rolled off the couch making sure she took the majority of the blow so Olivia wouldn't reinjure herself. She could only imagine the ass chewing she would get if Alex returned to find Olivia injured again, and at her expense at that. She would just pack up and leave the country if that happened and hope that Alex's endless trust fund wouldn't be able to locate her.

"What's wrong, don't want to admit defeat?" Olivia asked as she straddled the detective.

"No, I don't want to be placed in jail for elderly abuse, but if you think you can take it..." Rollins said as she wrapped her legs around Olivia in a figure eight hold and flipped them, "I'll dish it."

"Oh, I can take it and dish it back just as bad," Olivia said as she broke the hold with ease and shoved Rollins back and into the coffee table causing the contents on it to fall to the floor. Not paying attention to what was on it that had shattered.

Rollins groaned as the pain hit her, but quickly recovered and delivered a well placed punch with her left arm.

Olivia who was dazed by the punch was quickly flipped and pinned once again by Rollins.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Alex asked, running in the apartment hearing all the commotion. She pulled her purse back and flung it as hard as she could and caught Rollins across the cheek with it, "Get the hell off her!"

"Alex, it's ok," Olivia said, jumping up and standing between the two women before it got even worse, "We were just wrestling and goofing off."

"Just wrestling, JUST wrestling?" Alex said, through clenched teeth, "What made you think you could wrestle? You have broken ribs and she was shot. Please, tell me just where do you two see that as an indication that it's okay to wrestle? Not to mention in the middle of my living room!"

"Honey, we've been cooped what did you expect?" Olivia asked as she tried to calm Alex down, "We'll clean everything up."

"I know, you will clean everything up," Alex ordered, looking over Olivia's shoulder at the damaged. She felt the blood drain from her face when she noticed a shattered figurine.

"Alex?" Olivia asked at the sudden change, glancing back at Rollins to make sure she was okay.

"No, no, no," Alex cried as she pushed Olivia to the side and walked over to the figurine that was now on the floor, picking up the pieces as the tears poured from her eyes, "Of all the things you could have broken, why did you have to break this?"

"Honey, I'll get you another one, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay," Alex said as she looked at Olivia with the tears steadily pouring out of her eyes, "You can never replace this. Christine gave me this when she found out she was pregnant with Madison."

Olivia reached for Alex but stopped when Alex shook her head no and stormed down the hallway. Both women jumped at the sound of the bedroom door slamming behind her. Olivia ran her hands through her hair as she racked her brain trying to find ways to fix the damage they had done.

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**A/N: Eva to answer your question I receive more reviews on the Alex and Olivia stories than I do on Casey/Olivia paring. Because don't get me wrong Casey had her moments where she looked good but nothing beats a hot blonde with those black rimmed glasses. Not to mention the chemistry they had together. And I'm a sucker for the hot librarian look which Stephanie March has mastered unlike any other woman.**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Wow it all started as one shot and here we are 37 chapters later. Thank you guys so much. To the reader who misinterpreted my author note last chapter no I don't write Cabenson for reviews. If you know me or have ever read any of my stories you would know I don't write for reviews. I write to release the horrors I see on a daily basis. The fact that I receive reviews amaze me on a daily basis. To my other reviewers you need to understand how important that figurine is to Alex. I actually have very few items left from my divorce but what I do have holds a major significance to my daughter. To have any of those broken would destroy me and upset me as badly as Alex was. It doesn't mean that she loves Olivia any less or wants to be with Christine.**

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"Liv, I'm sorry," Rollins said, seeing the despair in her co-workers eyes, "It's my fault, just give me a few minutes to talk to her and I will fix everything."

"No," Olivia said, looking at the ground, "I knew better and she's my partner, I'll fix it."

"Liv, you don't have to," Rollins said, reaching out and grabbing Olivia by the arm, "I started it and it was my fault. There's no need for you to take the fall."

"I could have stopped it so, it's both of our faults," Olivia said, taking a deep breath before heading toward the bedroom door that had been slammed shut just minutes before.

Olivia stopped outside the door taking a deep breath before knocking on the door, "Alex, can I come in, please?"

"If you want to," Alex said in a broken voice that only shattered Olivia's heart even more.

Olivia opened the door slowly and stared at the blonde. She was lying on the bed holding the figurine against her chest, the tears still falling from her eyes.

"Hey," Olivia whispered as she sat on the bed and placed her hand on Alex's back when she rolled away from her, "We're sorry, we didn't mean to break it."

"I know," Alex whispered as she sat up and faced Olivia, "I know it was from Christine and everything…"

"But it signifies an important time in your life."

"Yes, and that's why I'm so upset," Alex explained, "I don't want you to think differently."

"Whoa," Olivia whispered as she cupped both sides of Alex's face and pulled her in for a gentle kiss, "I wasn't and I feel really bad about what happened."

"I realized after I came in here how it sounded. Then I started thinking that maybe you were thinking that I'm still in love with her."

"Alex," Olivia whispered, getting her attention, "I'm so sorry. I had no clue of the importance behind it and I want you to know I didn't break it on purpose. I promise you, I would never do that to you."

"It's okay, honey," Alex choked out as she sat the broken figure on her nightstand, "I know you would never do anything like that. I understand that it was an accident. It just hurt when I saw it broken."

"I know and it's not okay; we should have been more careful, but we weren't."

"You guys are right, though; I've kept you in this apartment and only let you out for appointments. I can only imagine how you two are feeling especially since it's going to be another week before you two can return to work. I'm as much to blame as you guys are."

"No, you're not, and it still doesn't excuse what we did," Rollins said from the door, "I'm sorry for interrupting, but Madison and Christine are here."

"Okay," Alex said, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes, "Thank you."

"Tell you what," Olivia said, standing, "Go and do what you have to do so Madison doesn't know you've been crying and I will go and talk with Christine till you get out there."

"Thank you," Alex answered, smiling at Olivia, "I'll be out in a minute."

"Hey, Tiger," Olivia said as she walked down the hall and saw Madison, "How have you been?"

"Good, what about your ribs?" Madison asked as she started to run toward Olivia, but stopped.

"They're still a little sore, but nothing I can't handle," Olivia said, opening her arms for Madison smiling as she wrapped her in a tight hug.

"Do you still need a nurse?" Madison asked, looking up at Olivia with a smile on her face.

"If you're the nurse, I will always need one," Olivia said, laughing as she tweaked her nose.

"I'm the nurse," Madison said, smiling, "Where's momma?"

"Momma's using the restroom real quick, she'll be out in just a minute. Right now, I need to talk to your mommy, okay."

"I'm gonna go put my bag up," Madison said as she bounded down the hall way into her room.

"When I see you with her, I can't help but feel bad that you two never had children," Christine stated, "As much as I hate to admit that. You're really good with kids and would make a great mother."

"Thank you," Olivia said, blushing slightly, "I need to talk to you."

"What's wrong?" Christine asked, once she noticed the look that was on Olivia's face, "Are you and Rollins okay?"

"We're fine, but, Christine, do you remember the figurine you gave Alex when you discovered you were pregnant?"

"Yes, it was two bears holding a heart, why?"

"I, umm, need to know where you got that from."

"I ordered it online; it's a Swarovski," Christine said, looking confused, "Why do you want to know?"

"While Alex was running errands today, Rollins and I were rough housing and we knocked some items off the coffee table. One of them was that figurine."

"You broke it," Christine said as she realized what had happened.

"I swear to you, Christine, it wasn't on purpose. I didn't even know the story behind it until it happened. No matter what, I would never destroy something of that importance."

"Olivia, I believe you," Christine said, placing a hand on the brunette's shoulders to calm her down "I have never and would never see you as someone who would intentionally break something just because I bought it for her. Especially something that holds as much sentimental value as that does. Now, you want to replace it?"

"Yes, even though I know I will never be able to replace it."

"I understand, I do, and the best I can tell you is to Google Swarovski and see if you can find it. Olivia, it's going to be pricey."

"I don't care what the price is, I have to replace it. I have to make this right," Olivia said as she ran her hand through her hair, "I just hope I can."

"If you can't find it, let me know, and I will see what I can do," Christine told her, "Doing what I do for a career, I do tend to have some connections. So if you keep hitting brick walls, let me

know."

"Thanks, Christine, and I'm so sorry that I broke it. I really am."

"I'm not the one you need to get forgiveness from," Christine said as she watched Alex walk from the bedroom toward them. Even though she was trying to hide it, she could tell that Alex had been crying, "It would be her and I think we both know how that can go."

"Yeah, it's a good thing my ribs are healing because otherwise that couch would be mighty uncomfortable tonight."

"Olivia, I don't care how bad it gets, she would never put you on the couch," Christine said, motioning that she was joining them, "She loves you. She has the type of love for you that we all dream about."

Olivia glanced over her shoulder and smiled at Alex. She could still see the pain clear as day in her eyes even though she was trying to mask it. She hated herself more than anything at that moment for putting that pain there and knew at that moment she was going to do whatever she had to, to put the light back in her eyes.


	38. Chapter 38

Alex rolled over and found the bed cold and empty. A quick glance at the clock told her it was after nine, so she rolled out of bed and took a relaxing hot shower before joining Olivia and Amanda in the kitchen. She was hoping now that Madison was back with Christine that she and Olivia could talk. She had been different since Madison arrived and she wanted to know why.

"Rollins, where is Olivia?" Alex asked as she walked into the kitchen and saw Rollins sitting at the table.

"She went out about two hours ago, didn't you know?" Rollins said, looking up at the blonde.

"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking you, Rollins," Alex snapped at Rollins, "She is still recovering from broken ribs. She can't be wondering the streets."

"Hey, calm down, Alex," Rollins said, standing and walking over to her, "She's a grown woman and been with NYPD for close to twenty years. I think she can handle it on her own out there. Considering, all weekend, she was either on the internet or slept at the desk, I think she's recovered just fine."

"Amanda Rollins, what do you mean she's been sleeping at the desk? She has been next to me every night."

"I think you might need to talk to her about that," Rollins said as she tried to walk out of the kitchen.

"I'm not asking her, I'm asking you. Now, I want to know what do you mean that she has been at this computer and sleeping at the desk?"

"Alex, she started the night we broke the figurine that Christine gave you. I thought it was over what happened and you were putting on pretenses for Madison. I asked her if she wanted the couch and she said she was where she deserved to be. After that, she never said another word so I let it be. Every morning, around six, she would go back into your room. I thought it was so Madison wouldn't know something was wrong."

"Oh god," Alex sighed as she quickly dialed Olivia's cell phone number, slamming the phone down when there was no answer.

"Alex, what is it?" Rollins asked, becoming worried.

"Olivia is punishing herself for breaking the figurine," Alex said as tears formed in her eyes.

"It was an accident and it was my fault," Rollins said as she looked at the floor, "I was teasing her about being older and how I had quicker reflexes. Next thing I know, we were on the floor, wrestling. At one point, she flipped me and, when she did, I went into the coffee table."

"I know, it was an accident, and you two had been cooped up in here too long. I told her I understood why it happened."

"But she hurt you Alex," Rollins said, sitting the cup on the counter, "You need to understand that. She could care less about the amount of pain you put her through and, believe me, in the past, you've put her through some pain. But for her to know she put tears in your eyes, it kills her. Hell, she hardly slept the three weeks I lived with her for the operation."

"What?" Alex asked, raising her head to look at Rollins.

"Yeah," Rollins said, sighing as she guided Alex to a chair and poured her a cup of coffee,

"Apparently, you had a tone in your voice when she told you. It was tearing her up especially since you had just accused her of sleeping with me. She told me that if, for some reason, you would talk to her when it was all done, she was handing everything in. If, by some miracle, you were there at the end of the operation, she was retiring. She said she's lost you once, there was no way she could lose you a second time. So, to keep that from happening, she was leaving."

"If she leaves the force because of me, she's going to end up hating me and becoming a shell of the woman that I love. I would rather have stolen moments and worried nights than that. Why didn't she tell me this when we were talking?"

"Alex, I didn't mean to put all this on you; I thought she had told you," Rollins said, reaching out and taking Alex by the hand, "The way you two were acting since we were injured. I thought it had taken a load off you."

"No, that's just us behind closed doors. From day one, we have always been professional to a "T" out in public, almost to the point of being cold to each other. You have seen us in the squad room, when it was just the team, but that is the most affection you will get out of us in public. Once we are home or around family and friends, we're the loving committed couple who shows our affection freely."

"I see that."

"Rollins, call the captain and tell him if Olivia shows up to turn in her resignation to refuse it and send her home to me. I'm going to use my connections at 1PP and have them do the same thing. I don't want her making a huge mistake."

Rollins shook her head in agreement for fear of what the blonde would do if she said no.

"What else do I need to know?" Alex asked once she hung the phone up from talking to her friend at 1PP.

"Look, I've already said too much," Rollins stated, holding up her hands in a sign of surrender.

"The safest thing you can do," Alex said, advancing on Rollins pinning her against a wall, "Is to continue telling me what I need to know."

"Alex."

"Don't "Alex" me, just start talking," Alex said through clenched teeth.

"She told me this in confidence."

"I'm sorry, but you're going to break that confidence."

"Alex, I can't."

"Rollins, I don't think you understand," Alex almost growled through clenched teeth, "The woman I love is out there somewhere, injured, doing god knows what. Not to mention, I just found out that she's been sleeping in here. So, spill the beans."

"How is it you didn't know she was sleeping in here?" Rollins asked, hoping to change the subject.

"I have been on sleeping meds for a while now, when I take them, I am out. I haven't been taking them since you two were injured, so I could listen out and help you if needed. Over the weekend with Olivia's insistence, I started taking them again. Now that they've been out of my system for a while, they hit me like a Mack truck." Alex answered, "Now, spill."

"You take the blame when she finds out," Rollins said, realizing that no matter what Alex wasn't giving in.

"Let's get one thing straight, I will kill for her, so spill it."

"The only other thing I know is that she blames herself for the divorce," Rollins said, sighing, hoping that some way Olivia would forgive her for telling Alex, "That, if it wasn't for her, Madison's life wouldn't have been uprooted the way it was."

"I wasn't even talking to her when I filed for divorce," Alex said, taking a step back, "We've gone over this."

"Doesn't matter with her, she knows the only reason you filed for divorce was to be with her. She feels deep down that, ultimately, she is to blame and knows that one day Madison will figure it out and hate her for it. In turn, because she is with you that Madison will refuse to see you anymore."

"Mind telling me how you know this?"

"I lived with her for almost three weeks," Rollins said, shrugging her shoulders, "Believe me when I say, all she talked about was you. She is tormented in her own hell because she loves you and needs you, but feels as if she's to blame."

"I've told her I was already considering divorce long before I ever ran into her at the café."

"I know and she feels that if she was able to make her escape, in time, without you seeing her that Madison would still have her family."

"She wouldn't," Alex said, taking a step further back and running her hands through her hair, "I tried for ten years to forget her and get her out of my system, out of my head, and I couldn't. I need that woman like I need air to breath."

"Alex, I think you need to tell her that, not me."

"I know. Now, all I have to do is find her," Alex whispered as she fought to keep the tears at bay, scared that her reaction to the figurine may have cost her everything.

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**A/N: Nothing like the aggressive Alex. I love to see and write that side of her. I hope everyone has enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting this story.**


	39. Chapter 39

Alex glanced at the clock for about the hundredth time since Rollins had left almost an hour ago. She had yet to reach Olivia and was becoming more worried as the time went by. She had now dialed Olivia's number enough times to be declared a stalker and was about to dial it again when she heard Olivia's key in the door. Alex quickly made her way to the door, jerking it open and grabbing Olivia,pulling her in the apartment and slammed the door behind her. Before Olivia could even register what was happening, Alex had her pinned against the door and hungrily claiming her lips.

"Baby, are you ok?" Alex gasped once she finally broke apart from Olivia her lungs, screaming for some much needed oxygen.

"I certainly am now," Olivia whispered as she let her head fall back against the door.

"Woman, I swear if you scare me like that one more time," Alex said as she ran her hands over Olivia's body physically checking her, "I will kill you, myself."

"Alex, I had an errand to run," Olivia said

"What the hell were you doing?" Alex asked as she pulled Olivia tight against her, holding her in place.

"I had to get this," Olivia mumbled into Alex's shoulder.

"Had to what?"

"Had to get this," Olivia said, breaking Alex's hold and taking a step back handing her the bag that she was holding.

"Honey, what is it?" Alex asked, taking the bag from Olivia.

"Open it up and find out."

Alex raised one eyebrow at Olivia before slowly opening the bag and pulling a box from the bag. She carefully opened the box and pulled the item from it out. She felt tears form in her eyes as she looked at the figurine that she held in her hand. It was the exact one that was broken on Friday.

"It took me all weekend, but I was able to find it," Olivia said as she took the figurine from Alex's shaking hand and placed it on the coffee table, "I know it can never replace the one that we broke and the meaning behind it, but I wanted to, needed to, replace it for you."

"I," Alex said as she walked over to where Olivia was standing and pulled her to her, "told you that I understood and not to worry about it. I have the memory and my daughter to remind me of it; I didn't need some figurine for it."

"Alex, it meant something to you and because of my foolishness and carelessness, it was broken."

"That's why you had me take the sleeping pills, so you could come out here and punish yourself and sleep at the computer," Alex stated as she took a step back.

"Honey, I was by your side every night."

"That's a lie and you know it," Alex stated as she glared at Olivia, "Have enough respect for me not to stand there and lie to my face."

"Alex…"

"Don't "Alex" me. I know you have waited till I was asleep and spent the night on the internet. I know that when you became too tired, you slept at the desk, despite the fact that Amanda said you could take the couch. I know that you waited till close to six to get up and come back into the bed with me. So, let's try this again, detective."

"Sounds like there's a rat in this house," Olivia mumbled.

"Apparently, she would prefer not to meet her maker so she thought it would be best to come clean," Alex stated as she took a seat on the couch, "Something that I would suggest you start doing this very moment."

"Look, Alex, I hurt you and God knows I didn't mean to. I knew how much that figurine meant to you. I had to find a replacement. I couldn't do it with you awake because I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Olivia, I want you to listen to me and listen to me very carefully," Alex said as she leaned forward making sure she had Olivia's full attention before continuing, "I don't give a damn about that figurine. I don't give a damn if you had never replaced. What I do give a damn about is you and having you by my side."

"Alex…" Olivia started to say again, but stopped when Alex raised her hand and shook her head

"There is nothing, and I do mean nothing, in this house worth losing you for. You can break everything in this house, I don't care. Hell for that matter, I will gladly give everything away or break it my damn self, I don't care. What does matter to me, other than my daughter, is you. Do you understand that Olivia? I mean, truly understand that? That the only thing and I do mean the only thing that matters more to me then you is my daughter and that's it. The rest of this," Alex said moving her hand in a sweeping motion,"I don't care because it means nothing to me if I don't have you."

"You were so upset and I caused that. It meant so much to you, Alex, and because of Rollins kidding and joking with me, I broke it. I have already put you through so much; that was the icing on the cake."

"Do you really think that I would send you packing over that?" Alex asked as she stood up.

"It had to do with Madison," Olivia stated her voice rising as she continued,"WITH MADISON."

"YOU'RE RIGHT," Alex screamed back as she got in Olivia's face, "It had something to do with Madison. It had to do with her conception, but let me ask you, do you not think I have that memory right here?" Alex asked, pointing at her head, "For that matter, every other memory concerning her as well. I don't need a figurine or anything else to have those memories. I have them stored in here. What I need is you, Olivia, you. I tried for ten years to forget you. To move with on with my life and start a new one with someone else, I couldn't. I need you like I need air to breath."

"I'm so sorry," Olivia finally whispered as the tears poured from her eyes.

"No, baby, I'm sorry," Alex whispered as she pulled Olivia to her and held her while she cried, "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did when it happened. I'm sorry that I lead you to believe it was that important to me. Will you forgive me?"

Olivia nodded against Alex's shoulder.

"Good, now let's talk about this pending retirement I hear you have planning," Alex said as she pulled back and gently wiped the tears from Olivia's face.

"Jesus, that woman really can't keep her mouth shut," Olivia said through clenched teeth, "Where is she?"

"The highly intelligent and extremely smart Detective Amanda Rollins is off with Fin at the moment," Alex answered, "I wouldn't keep my mouth shut either, if I was being pinned against the wall with one very irate and worried Alex Cabot, either."

"What did you do threaten her life?"

"I did point out that I would kill for you so, in a manner of speaking, I would say so, now about this retirement."

"I wasn't so sure after the undercover operation that you would talk to me," Olivia said, sighing as she ran her hand through her hair, "I thought with the tone of your voice I had royally fucked up and lost what we had worked so hard to recover. Alex, I've lost you once and almost didn't survive it. I will not lose you a second time. I swore to her and myself that, if by some miracle, you would still talk to me after it was over that I was done. I was not going to lose you to the job."

"Olivia, if you want to retire because that is something _**you**_ want to do and are ready to do then I'll be your biggest supporter. Do not hand in your papers because of me. If you do that, you will end up hating me and become just the shell of the woman that I love."

"The way you sounded," Olivia said, looking away,"I could hear the pain and fear in your voice. Alex, I can't keep putting you through this."

"You will always hear fear in my voice when you are working," Alex said, smiling as she turned Olivia back to face her,"Because I live with the fear everyday that I will get the visit, the one that every officer's wife, husband, or partner fears. I will not lie to you there was that nagging voice in the back of my head that reminded me that she can give you the one thing I can't, a child. Before you say anything, I am working on that with my therapist, it's a slow process though."

"I know, honey," Olivia whispered as she wiped the tears that were falling from Alex's eyes.

"What I do know and, despite what my actions have shown, is that you love me," Alex said, smiling as she reached under Olivia's shirt and pulled the necklace free that she always wore, "That you love me so much that you have always worn your wedding ring around your neck.I know that in the years before, when we were together, just like now, you have never once given me a reason to doubt you."

"Why would I, baby, you're perfect," Olivia whispered as she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Alex's lips, "Perfect for me."

"And you for me," Alex said as she smiled at her lover and ran her hands through her hair, "Which is why I am going to say this one last time: You had nothing to do with my divorce, absolutely nothing, and I want you to stop thinking that you did. Like I have said, for ten years, I tried to forget you and do everything to get you out of my system and I couldn't. Olivia, I couldn't because I need you like I need air to breath. I had already talked to my attorney and was planning to file for divorce. The only thing that was keeping me with Christine was Madison and that was it. At least, that was it until I saw you. You looked happy so no matter how bad I wanted and needed you I would not destroy that for you."

"Now, because of me…"

"There is no "because of you,"" Alex stated, firmly, as she placed her finger on Olivia's lips, "If anything, it's because of me, not you. I kept up the charade going as long as I could and when I couldn't do it anymore, I went to my attorney. I believe that the divorce is the best thing that has ever happened to any of us involved. I am where I belong with you, Christine actually has a glow of happiness around her when I see her now and Madison, the one you're so worried about, is now the happiest child I have ever seen. In no way do I ever see her becoming so upset at me that she will never talk or see me again because of you."

"But Alex, there is that chance and what if she does," Olivia said, stepping away from Alex, "I will never be able to live with myself if that happens so I think…"

"That you better stop with that sentence at this moment," Alex ordered, "Do not, DO NOT let those words come out of your mouth."

"But, Alex..."

"There is no "but Alex" here. Do you want to talk to Madison? Why don't we ask her what she thinks? That's exactly what we're going to do. I'm going to call Christine to get her tomorrow and we are going to settle every bit of this."

"Alex, do not drag Madison into this."

"I'm not dragging Madison into anything Olivia but you are jumping to conclusions about her. You are so sure and have it in your head that she hates you and will never see me again because of you. So, I'm going to get her tomorrow and we're going to settle this."

"That's going to go over well with Christine," Olivia said, shaking her head 'no,' "There's no need to let her know or upset her."

"Yes, there is," Alex said, reaching for Olivia, becoming more frustrated when Olivia tried to prevent her from touching her, but was unsuccessful thanks to her insistence, "Because you are constantly and have constantly put your needs and wants on the back burner for someone else's happiness and it's time to stop that. At some point, you have to put yourself first and, for you, that time is now. This moment, this second, I want to know what makes you happy, what will make you happy and keep you happy. I want the honest to god truth."

"I want to be with you," Olivia answered, not having to think twice, "I want to wake up next to you every morning and curl up with you in my arms every night. I want to grow old with you, Alex, but I don't want it to be at the expense of you losing your daughter."

"I promise you, it won't be," Alex whispered as she kissed Olivia, "I promise you, it won't be."

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**A/N: I think we can all agree that it was past time that Olivia had a wake up call. Hopefully this dose of tough love is just what Olivia needs to open her eyes. I know I say it with every chapter but honestly I don't think I say it enough. I want to thank each and everyone of you for taking time out of your day to read the stories I write. It truly amazes me and shocks me and I'll be honest there are some days that your reviews help me get through another long mentally, physically, and some times emotionally draining day. Thank you so much.**


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: Every time I post a new chapter to this story I am amazed. What started as a one shot is now up to forty chapters with many, many, many, more to come. I want to thank everyone for reading a story that took our favorite ladies in a direction we all hated in the beginning only to slowly bring them to where they need to be. You guys are the greatest. **

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"Alex, I'm not sure this is a good idea," Olivia said as she pulled against Alex, stopping the blonde in her tracks.

"What, spending some extra time with Madison?" Alex asked, looking back at the detective.

"No, but what if she says she hates me and doesn't want me around," Olivia sighed as she looked at the ground.

"Consider I know that will never happen," Alex answered as she pulled Olivia to her and then pushed her against the wall, leaning into Olivia and whispering into her ear, "I happen to know for a fact that my daughter happens to love you as much as I do. Well, maybe not as much, but just as close, I promise."

"God, woman," Olivia answered as she flipped their position and hungrily claimed Alex's lips. Olivia had never been so thankful to have Rollins text her that she was staying with Fin and to let Alex know so she wouldn't worry. After receiving that text, they had spent the majority of the night and most of the morning making love. If it wasn't for the fact that Alex had told Madison they would pick her up by lunch, she would probably still have Alex begging for mercy and pleading for more.

"Honey," Alex whispered as she gasped for air while trying to push Olivia off her, "Honey, you have to stop. Madison is just on the other side of that door there."

"I want you again," Olivia said pulling back so Alex could see the desire and need in her eyes, "I can't get enough of you."

"That I love to hear," Alex said as she felt overcome with emotions, "Honey, tonight after we put Madison to bed you can have me all you want and over and over again till it's time to get up, but right now, we need to be responsible parents. Don't even start with 'what if's' because there are none. Now, let's go and get her and spend the day together."

Olivia took a deep breath, trying to control her raging desire for the blonde. She wished Alex wouldn't be so sure and confident of Madison's feelings for her. It was going to shatter her to see the look on her face when she discovered the truth. Olivia just hoped and prayed that Alex would understand when she walked away and prayed that everything she gave her last night would be enough for her.

"Hey, mom, hey, Liv," Madison said, opening the door, "Let me grab my bag and I'll be ready."

"Okay, sweetie," Alex said as they stepped in the apartment and she shut the door behind them. "Where's your momma?"

"In the kitchen with Carmen."

"Thanks," Alex said as she walked into the kitchen, motioning for Olivia to follow, "Christine, thanks for letting me get her today."

"Alex, you know you are more than welcomed to get her anytime," Christine said as she motioned for them to have a seat.

"But this is short notice," Olivia stated, "I hope it's not an inconvenience?"

"Olivia, our divorce may not have been amicable except when it came to Madison. We both agreed that each other could spend time with her on a moment's notice, providing that the other didn't have plans. Trust me, even if I did, I could tell by the tone that it was important to Alex so I would have rearranged everything."

"It is important," Alex said, standing when she heard Madison in the hall, "And I greatly appreciate you doing this for me."

"So, what are we doing today?" Madison asked as she skipped ahead a few feet.

"I don't know, honey, but some of it will be us sitting down and talking," Alex said, smiling at her daughter.

"Are you finally moving in?" Madison asked as she stopped and spun around, looking at Olivia.

"Am I what?" Olivia asked, looking from Alex to Madison and then back to Alex.

"Madison wants to know if you're moving in now," Alex said, laughing at the look on Olivia's face, "I told you that all your thoughts and feelings were wrong where she is concerned. My daughter happens to love you as much as I do."

"Are you Olivia? Are you moving in?" Madison asked again with a smile on her face.

"Not yet, honey," Olivia said laughing, shocked at what she was hearing, "But I guess that answers any questions I had."

"Questions about what?" Madison asked, now curious what it was.

"Just some questions I had, but your comment just now took care of them," Olivia stated.

"Detective," Madison said as she placed her hands on her hip and leveled a glare that matched, if not rivaled, Alex's court room stare, "That is not going to do. I am going to need further information about this."

"Jesus, Alex, do you have her enrolled in law school already?" Olivia asked, laughing.

"No, but we have raised her to stand her ground and go after what she wants," Alex answered, smiling when Olivia put her arm around her and pulled her close.

"Tell you what, Madison," Olivia said, reaching for her, "You tell me why you thought I was moving in and then I will explain my response. Is that a deal?"

"It looks like the only one on the table that is acceptable, so I have to accept it."

"I think we have another lawyer in the family." Olivia said shaking her head.

"Actually, Olivia, I want to be a Forensic Anthropologist," Madison said smiling up at Olivia, "I have just spent a lot of time watching mom work out her opening or closing arguments so I've learned the lingo."

"I see," Olivia said, laughing as she ruffled the girl's blonde hair, "Now, why did you think I was moving in?"

"The day me and mom saw you in the café with Rollins, we were talking about our vacation and you going with us and mom said at some point you would be moving in and she would like that to be before we left for vacation. I thought you were coming to get me to tell me that you have moved in."

"Honey, neither one of us has discussed moving in with each other," Olivia stated, "The undercover operation and me being injured on the job kind of threw all that to the wayside. Moving in with your mother is something I would like to do, but there are some other things that we need to work through first."

"Like?"

"Like when you get old enough to date you will know," Alex said, "Until then, that stays between us."

"Yes, ma'am," Madison said, hanging her head, "Now, why did me asking if you were moving in answer your questions?"

"Because," Olivia said, stepping to the side out of the way of people and getting on her knees so she could look Madison in the eye, "I want the honest truth here, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Madison, do you blame me for your parent's divorce?" Olivia asked, glancing at Alex quickly before looking back at Madison.

"At first I did, but I don't any more. Olivia, you make my momma happy, really happy, and she loves you. I love you and I like spending time with you. Did you think I blamed you?"

"Yes, baby, I did."

"I don't, I promise," Madison said as she wrapped her arms around Olivia and hugged her tight.

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief as she hugged Madison and glanced up at Alex. She felt as if a load had been lifted off her shoulders, hearing that Madison didn't blame her for the divorce and that she loved her. She could truly say that, for the first time, since her and Alex had started working things through she could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: To the review who was asking about Olivia staying with Alex when she had Madison. You are correct she wouldn't normally stay but Alex knew that Madison's response would change everything and she would be staying while Olivia still had it in her head that when Madison was done she was going to have to walk away from Alex. To the one reader who said Madison was unbelievable. If you met my daughter you would understand where Madison comes from. At the age of seven she told me and my ex that she was going to be an Egyptologist (I discovered that's an actual career) and has now moved on to wanting to be a forensic anthropologist. She has an extremely high IQ and is in all advanced classes. When it comes to law lingo believe me she can throw it out there with the best of us. I think I let her read to many of my law manuals when she was younger. Now I'm done and will let you guys get to the story without further delay.**

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Alex moaned as Olivia's hips bucked off the bed once again. After Olivia's discovery with Madison, Olivia had changed and, boy, did Alex love it. Olivia no longer seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had laughed more and played more with Madison than she had ever done before and the openness upon which she was had shown her affection had stunned her to say the least. She was pretty sure, though; the icing on the cake was watching the two of them prepare dinner. How they interacted made her desire for Olivia go beyond anything she ever thought were possible.

"Alex, please, baby," Olivia gasped as she moved the pillow from her face and looked down at a very smug and happy Alex, "You have got to give me a break. If you keep it up, I'm going to end up waking up Madison."

"I will give you a break, but just know that you are all mine tomorrow after Christine picks her up at one. Then, there will be no excuse to be quiet or for a break," Alex whispered as she kissed the inside of Olivia's thigh before quickly making her way up her body and hungrily claiming her lips once again.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what got into you?" Olivia asked as her head fell back onto the pillows, still gasping for air.

"You did," Alex purred as she kissed along Olivia's jaw line.

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"Want to enlighten me on what I did different? I have got to remember to do that all the time if this is the end result."

"Sure," Alex whispered as she settled against Olivia, "You were different with Madison and me today. You finally let your guard down and were a hundred percent with us. I could see it and Madison definitely could tell it."

"Honey, I have always been here with you and Madison."

"Actually, no, you haven't," Alex answered, raising up so that she could look at Olivia, "I don't think you realized how much of yourself you were holding back when you spent time with us. For that matter, when you spent time with just me. It never occurred to me that you were holding back because of Madison. I had always assumed it was because of the divorce and you were protecting yourself. I knew that when you realized I wasn't going anywhere and meant everything I said then you would completely drop your guard. So, I never pushed the issue."

"I knew it would hurt when I lost you again," Olivia whispered as tears began to pour from her eyes, "Madison is an extremely bright child, and a reincarnation of you, by the way, and I knew it was only a matter of time before she would put two and two together. When she did and told you that she refused to see you and I was the cause, I had to be prepared to walk away."

"Today, you learned the truth."

"Yeah."

"Why not just tell me that was your fear?" Alex asked.

"Really, Alex, let's see how that conversation would go. Hey, I just want to tell you that I love you with all my heart and would love to marry you again, but I can't. Why? Because I know your daughter will ultimately hate me and will no longer want to see you if I'm around."

"That would have worked for me," Alex said, laughing, "Because, then, I could have gotten Madison and we could have had this discussion long before now."

"I will say the look on her face when she asked me if I was finally moving in, that was priceless."

"I told you that she loved you," Alex said as she cupped Olivia's face and gently kissed her on the lips.

"I know, believe me, I know," Olivia sighed, "So, you had discussed with her about me moving in?"

"The day we saw you in the café, we were talking about our vacation plans. She asked if you would be going with us and I told her that if you could get off, I would like for you to come with us and that you would be sharing a room with us."

"Alex."

"Let me finish. So, she seemed a little disappointed that you would be going and that was when I told her that I would that she needed to realize that you were a permanent part of our life and that I really wanted you to move in. It wasn't something that would happen immediately, but I was hoping before we left for vacation. I told her I would like her to find a happy medium with you because I wasn't going to ask you to leave every other weekend that I had her."

"I would have if need be."

"I know, but that's not fair to you."

"She said she knew, but was afraid that I would forget about her or that she would become a burden when she came to visit."

"Oh god, Alex, never," Olivia said, shaking her head, "She is always first with us whether she's with us or not."

"And that's what I told her. She accepted that and was silent for a while. We were almost to our destination when she told me that she would love it if you moved in."

"Then you saw me in the café?"

"No, she saw you two there, I didn't, and insisted that we go back and tell you that she wanted you to come on vacation with us and move in."

"So, you did and arrived just in time to see me kiss Rollins."

"We did and seeing you with Rollins set a train in motion that should have been started a long time ago."

"Meaning?"

"I'm in the therapy I need now, and since you've been injured, we've been more open with each other than I think we have ever been."

"I agree there."

"So, let's talk about you moving in," Alex said as she laid her head back on Olivia's shoulder, "What are your thoughts on that?"

"I would love to move in with you."

"I hear a 'but' coming."

"You're right," Olivia sighed, "In light of everything that has happened, I believe that it would be best if we waited about another month. Honey, we have gone through a lot these past few weeks and a lot has come to light that we haven't really had time to process yet."

"I can work with that."

"Wait, you're not fighting me on this," Olivia said as she pulled back and looked down at the blonde who always had an argument ready.

"No, if you want to wait longer to move in, I'm fine with it. Because I would rather you wait longer than that for you to go ahead and move in and we're not ready for that. Olivia, as long as the end result is my name going back to Cabot-Benson, I don't care how long we wait."

"One day it will be, I promise you," Olivia whispered as she kissed the top of her head.

"I know, baby, I know," Alex sighed as she snuggled into Olivia, "I don't want you to misunderstand what I just said either. Until that day, I am more than happy at being your girlfriend and lover."

"I know and, right now, we need to get a nap in because in a few hours someone will be up and you will have to be momma as well as my girlfriend and lover."

"Those are the titles that matter the most to me and that I love to hear," Alex said as she closed her eyes while making a mental note to thank Rollins for teasing Olivia about her age. If she hadn't wrestled with Olivia, they might not have had the breakthrough they have had in the last two days.


	42. Chapter 42

"Are you sure about this?" Olivia asked as she took a seat next to Alex, in the waiting room.

"Yeah, I am," Alex said as she reached out and took Olivia by the hand. It had been a month since Olivia had been shot and two months since Alex had started her therapy sessions with a Dr. Brewster. Up until today, Alex had attended the sessions by herself and never asked Olivia to go with her. All that changed a week ago.

"_Hey, Liv, can I see you for a minute?" Alex asked, walking into the bull pen._

"_Yeah, come on," Olivia said, guiding her, as always, to the interview room, "What's wrong?"_

"_You know I have my weekly appointments with Dr. Brewster," Alex said in what she hoped was a confidant tone, but she knew better._

"_Did something happen?" Olivia asked, reaching out and taking the blonde by the hand._

"_I was wondering if you will go with me to my session next week."_

"_When and what time?" _

"_Tuesday, at three."_

"_I'll let the Captain know," Olivia said, smiling as she pulled Alex to her, "Is that what had you so scared?'_

"_I wasn't sure you would be able or willing to go with such short notice."_

"_I told you, Alex," Olivia whispered as she kissed the blonde on the forehead, "I would hold your hand at every appointment or let you go on your own. Up until today, you have asked to be by yourself when you went."_

"_I know and I'm ready for you to be there."_

"_Then, Tuesday, at three, I will be by your side at the doctor's office."_

"_Thanks, baby, I love you," Alex said as she hugged Olivia tightly, still cautious of her ribs, "I have to get to court, but I'll call you tonight."_

"Alex, are you ready?" Dr. Brewster asked, pulling Alex from her thoughts as she opened her door and smiled at the blonde.

"I am," Alex said, standing and looking down where Olivia was sitting, "I want to go in alone, at first."

"Send her out when you want me to join," Olivia answered, winking at her as she reached for a magazine.

Alex nodded as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before walking into the office. She was terrified of what today's session would bring. For the first time since she had started therapy, she had asked Olivia to come along so that they could address some issues.

"Olivia," Dr. Brewster said, smiling at the brunette almost thirty minutes into the session, "Will you, please, join us now?"

Olivia nodded and followed the doctor into her office taking the seat next to Alex.

"Olivia, do you know why Alex has asked you here today?" Dr. Brewster asked, taking her seat opposite of the two ladies.

"Honestly, not a clue," Olivia answered as she reached out and took Alex's hand in hers.

"Alex, you didn't address the issue of why you wanted to bring Olivia today?"

Alex shook her head as she looked away.

"Alex, are you okay?" Olivia asked, suddenly worried.

"Yes," Alex choked out unable to look at Olivia.

"Honey," Olivia said, ignoring the doctor as she got on her knees in front of Alex and carefully moved her head so she could look into her blue eyes, "Then, why are you crying?"

"Olivia, I think it would be best for you to take a seat," The doctor instructed.

"Alex, what happened? Honey, tell me what's wrong?" Olivia asked again, still ignoring the doctor.

"Olivia," Dr. Brewster said in a harsh tone to get Olivia's attention, "I think it would be best for you to take a seat and listen to what Alex has to say."

Olivia glared at the doctor and looked back at Alex. She was about to argue with her until Alex looked at her and mouthed "please." Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she took her seat next to Alex once again.

"I, well we, had four miscarriages," Alex began with a shaky voice, unable to look at Olivia as she started to speak, "During each and every miscarriage, you never once told me how you felt. You never once broke down and cried with me. Instead, you always remained the impartial detective that you are at work," Alex slowly turned her head to capture Olivia's gaze, "I need to know how you felt, what you went through."

Olivia leaned forward and gently wiped the tears that were falling from Alex's eye as she swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat.

"I was devastated," Olivia whispered, her voice full of emotions, "We wanted a child so badly and, no matter what we did, it fell through. I thought I was to blame. It was god's way of telling me not to be a parent, a way for him to keep me from repeating my mother's mistakes. The first miscarriage I truly thought I was to blame. I had put so much stress on you during your first pregnancy, and when you lost our baby, I hated myself."

"How did you see it as your fault?"

"During the first pregnancy was when I was stabbed and you lost the baby two days after. I thought the stress you went through receiving the call caused you to lose the baby. Then, afterwards, you wouldn't look at me and I knew you blamed me."

"I failed you," Alex cried, "That is why I couldn't look at you. I didn't know how to beg you for your forgiveness and when you would finally crawl into bed, you wouldn't touch me."

"You were in so much pain with that first miscarriage, both emotionally and physically, I was scared if I touched you I would cause you even more than what I already had. I couldn't and wouldn't do that to you."

"I needed you, too, Olivia," Alex cried, "I needed you to hold me. I needed you to break down with me. It made me feel like you didn't care."

"Alex," Olivia choked out as she pulled the blonde to her and held her while they both cried, "I cared, honey. I cared so much and went through so much, but you needed me to be strong. I had to be strong."

"I had to walk into the precinct and hear you tell Elliot that you would continue to live through the pain just to see a smile on my face," Alex sobbed into Olivia's shirt, "I heard you cry with him, HIM! You should have cried with me, not him! I was your wife! I was your partner! I was the one that lost our child, not him!"

"I know, I know," Olivia cried as she rocked back and forth, holding Alex close to her.

"What the hell made him so special?"

"Because he wasn't you," Olivia said, pulling back to look at Alex, "I could scream and yell at him. I could tell him it wasn't fair. I could tell him that I hated God and myself, that you deserved someone else. Someone where god wouldn't punish you by not letting you have a child. I couldn't put that on you. You were already going through too much."

Alex reached up and caressed Olivia's face wiping away the tears that were pouring from her eyes, "I needed you to, Olivia, I needed you to, so bad. Do you understand that? "

"I do," Olivia whispered as she leaned forward and kissed the tears away from her face, "I will forever be sorry for that."

"Ladies," The doctor whispered, handing each of them some tissue, "Our time is up today. I'm going to step out and give you two a few minutes to gather yourself, okay?"

Both women nodded as they accepted the tissue.

Olivia waited until the doctor had shut the door behind her before standing and turning to Alex, "I need to know why you brought me here to discuss this. Why couldn't you talk about it at home?"

"Because, whether you realize it or not, you always shut me out when we talk about the miscarriages," Alex answered, standing, "I needed this. I needed you to break down and finally reveal the pain you went through, with me. I need you to know and understand that, with me, you don't always have to be the big, strong, badass cop that can't show emotion."

Olivia smiled as she pulled Alex tight against her, "I will try, okay?"

Alex smiled as she snuggled in tighter into Olivia's embrace, nodding against her chest.

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**A/N: I figured it was time for our ladies to finally discuss the loss of their children. It is always difficult for me to write chapters with a therapist in them so I hope this one is ok. Nothing against therapist but personally I don't like to talk to them. Most cops don't. **


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: I know last chapter wasn't that good and I am so sorry. I had the hardest time writing with a therapist in the chapter. I personally use Jose as my therapist and so far he's done pretty good. I hope this chapter will make up for the last chapter. **

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Alex sat on her couch and stared at Olivia, who had been frozen in her spot, staring out the window to Central Park, since they have arrived at her apartment. Once they had left the therapist office, she had been eerily quiet and unresponsive to anything Alex said or did. Alex was shocked when Olivia exited the cab and followed her into her apartment; she was starting to think with how she was behaving that she would have gone home and not stayed with her.

"I think about them all the time," Olivia said, breaking the silence in the room and causing Alex to jump slightly, "I often wonder what they would look like. Would they have your eyes or maybe your hair? Who would they take after more you or me? What would it be like to drag in from work at five just to have a bouncing boy or girl jumping on the bed waking me up a few hours later?"

Alex nodded her head even though Olivia couldn't see her.

"I still remember it as if it was yesterday," Olivia said as she shoved her hands into her pockets, "It was a Thursday, February twentieth to be exact, when you walked into the precinct and told me the treatments took. We had just finished a case that had me working eighteen hours or more a day when you walked in. I thought you were coming just to spend a few minutes with me and then you leaned down and whispered in my ear."

"Congratulations, Momma," Alex whispered, remembering the words she had told Olivia the day she had discovered that the treatments took and their dreams were coming true.

"Yeah," Olivia said, turning to face Alex with unshed tears in her eyes, "I remember looking at you with a confused look on my face until it dawned on me what you said."

"Then you flew out of the seat and held me so tight that I had to remind you that I was pregnant and not to squeeze so tightly," Alex said as she stood and walked over to Olivia, "I'm not really sure who was happier about the pregnancy, you or me."

"I think it was a tie," Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her to her, "Then I was injured and two days later you miscarried. It was my fault because I had put so much stress on you from being injured that you miscarried."

"No, Olivia, it wasn't your fault," Alex answered as she wiped the tears that were falling from Olivia's eyes, "I had a medical condition that prevented me from carrying to term."

"We know that now, but we didn't then. When he explained some things that could cause a miscarriage, he listed stress as one of the factors. I sat there with stitches in my side, knowing the stress I caused you when you got the call. I knew at that moment I was to be blamed and the look in your eyes told me that you blamed me too."

"No, honey! Even if your stabbing caused me to miscarry, I would have never blamed you for it. You got stabbed doing your job, doing what you loved, what you were born to do. I would have never blamed you for that."

"Well, I blamed myself," Olivia said, pulling away from Alex and turning back toward the window, "I knew after that it would be only a matter of time before you sent me packing and I didn't blame you. You couldn't even trust me to keep your stress level down when you were carrying our child; how the hell could you trust me with anything else, I just killed our child."

Alex reached out and gently began to rub Olivia's shoulders and arms squeezing them every so often to encourage her to continue.

"Then you came to me about six months later and asked me to come home early enough so we could talk. I knew in my heart that was going to be the pack it up and leave speech. I had tried to make it home before you so I could go ahead and pack a bag, but when I walked through the door there you stood."

"Liv," Alex whispered as she hugged Olivia tight against her laying her head on her back.

"Any hopes of making the quick get-a-way I had planned went out the window. The only thing I could do was sit on the couch and prepare for the worse," Olivia said, turning again to face Alex, "Then you surprised me with telling me that you wanted to try again."

Alex smiled at Olivia before pulling her to her and kissing her.

"It amazed me you wanted to try again," Olivia whispered against Alex's lips when she pulled away needing air, "There was no way in hell I was going to tell you 'no,' if you were willing to try again after I caused you to lose our baby."

"Olivia, you never caused me to lose our child," Alex said as she held Olivia's head in her hands so she could look directly into Olivia's eyes, "You cannot continue to blame yourself for that, okay? It was all me, well actually, my genetics. It was never you or anything you did."

"Alex…"

"Shh, listen to me, okay?" Alex said with a smile on her face, "You had absolutely nothing to do with me losing our first child or any of our other children, for that matter. Believe me when I say, for that period I was pregnant, I was a lot of things, but stressed was certainly not one of them, even with your stabbing. Olivia, you already had me spoiled and took such great care of me."

"It wasn't enough."

"Listen to me, it was enough, it was more than enough. I didn't think it could get any better than what it was and then I told you I was pregnant and you took being spoiled on a whole new level. No matter how bad of a day you had, you always came home and took care of me. You would wait on me hand and foot when you came home; you constantly massaged my feet, my back, hell, my whole body. The nights you couldn't make it home, you would have dinner delivered to me so I wouldn't be on my feet fixing something to eat after working all day."

"I wanted you to have the easiest pregnancy anyone could ever have. "

"Honey, up until I lost the baby, you made sure each pregnancy was an easy pregnancy. There is no way I could have asked for a better partner while pregnant, I promise you that."

Olivia nodded as she felt a wave of relief wash over her.

"Come on," Alex said as she took Olivia by the hand and lead her to the couch, "It's been a rough day. Let's order some dinner and try to relax."

Olivia agreed as she smiled at Alex before taking a seat on the couch. She leaned back and closed her eyes as she felt some relief of finally releasing the guilt and the pain that she had kept bottled up. She knew there was more, way more to cover, and not exactly something she wanted to discuss, but something she had to discuss if she ever wanted a future with Alex again.


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: I know it has been a while since I have updated this story and I promise you I had not forgotten about it or Jumping To Conclusions but I had the next few chapters of Revelations running through my head and I had to get them out. I must say everytime I post a chapter I am amazed. What started out as a one shot is now up to 44 Chapters, 573 reviews, 59 favorites, 120 follows, and 79,383 views. I want to thank you guys so much for making that happen.**

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Did you want a boy or a girl?" Olivia asked as she placed her empty Chinese carton on the coffee table.

"I wanted a little girl the first pregnancy, but after I lost the second one I just wanted a healthy baby. What about you?" Alex answered as she turned to face Olivia.

"Honestly, I was so shocked that you wanted to have a child with me, I would have been happy with anything."

"I couldn't think of anyone better to parent with than you," Alex said as she took Olivia's hands in hers, "There was and, still is, no doubt in my mind that you would have been an excellent parent, even with your hectic work schedule."

"You may think twice after what I have to tell you," Olivia sighed

"Olivia, I will never doubt what type of parent you would have been."

"But believe me you will doubt what type of wife and partner I am."

"I know what type of partner and wife you are," Alex said, smiling, "One that is wonderful and deserves the world handed to her."

"Tell me if you think that after I tell you what I have to tell you, okay?"

Alex nodded in agreement, even though she knew without a doubt she would never question Olivia what type of wife and partner she was or ever would be.

"Do you remember that case we had where I ended up staying at the station for over a week?" Olivia asked, taking a deep breath

"The one you had about a month after I lost the baby?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, that one."

"Yeah, I know the one; I was so mad because you were there and not home, but I knew and understood why."

"Prepare to get pissed then," Olivia said, hanging her head, "There was no case. I was leaving you."

"What?"Alex said, shocked at what she heard. She had never once thought Olivia would try to leave her.

"I was to blame for you losing our child; I thought I was to blame, so I thought that it would be best if I left. I knew from the get go that you deserved someone so much better than me, and you losing our child cemented that fact. The best thing I could do would be to walk away and give you the chance to find someone who deserved you."

"You didn't, what stopped you?"

"Elliot."

"The same man that ripped me a new one sent you back home to me?"

"He did,"Olivia said, exhaling finally lifting her head to look into Alex's eyes, "He shared a little story with me. Not long after Kathy was pregnant with the twins, he was sent overseas for a tour. The stress was almost too much for Kathy and she almost lost the twins. She was put on bed rest about four months into the pregnancy and Elliot felt like an ass, much like me. He blamed himself and told her that he didn't blame her for finding someone else whose job wasn't as stressful on her as his. She kindly reminded him that they were Catholic and didn't believe in divorce and that she was pregnant with twins, which was risky within itself. His job and the stress she was under about him being overseas had nothing to do with her almost miscarriage, sometimes things like that happen for no reason."

"Much like our miscarriage."

"Yeah, he told me that it could have happened even if I wasn't injured. There was no way to prove otherwise and I needed to take, as he put it, my stubborn ass home to my wife who needed me more than some made up case for me to stay at the precinct."

"Then you came home."

"Yeah, but I still didn't feel as if I deserved to share a bed with you much less anything else."

"Which is why you wouldn't touch me for the longest time?"

Olivia nodded unable to find her voice.

"I guess our stubbornness cost us a lot of years," Alex said, smiling as she reached for Olivia, "I left you because I wanted you to have the family you deserved and you tried to leave me because you felt as if I deserved better."

"You still deserve better, Alex," Olivia said, standing and walking to look out the window again, "You deserve someone who can carry a child for you, like Christine, who can give you the world on a silver platter and doesn't come with such a tainted background as mine."

"I deserve someone who loves me for me and not my check book. I deserve someone who will support me, no matter what. I deserve someone who loves me unconditionally," Alex answered as she walked over to Olivia and wrapped her arms around her, "That someone that I deserve is you."

"But I can't give you what you want, Alex," Olivia said as she stared straight ahead,"You want children with me and I won't carry a child. I will not pass these genes on to another person, especially a child."

"I knew that when we talked about children the first time," Alex said, turning Olivia around to face her, "I'm not going to lie, I would love to have a child that looks just like you. I would love for them to have that Benson smile or that Benson stubbornness, but I know you don't want to pass your genes on and I would never ask that of you. Honey, you need to realize if we never have a child, I am fine with that. What I'm not fine with, is you not by my side."

"But…"

"There is no 'but' here, Olivia. I only want you. I love you," Alex whispered as she gently kissed Olivia on the lips.

"I love you, too," Olivia said once they broke the kiss and laid her forehead on hers,"I'm so sorry about everything, honey. I never realized in my attempt to protect you I was only hurting you more."

"I can say the same thing about myself," Alex whispered, "But that is the past and the only thing we need to focus on is the future, okay?"

Olivia smiled as she stared into those crystal blue eyes that had stolen her heart all those years ago. How she had ever survived so long without the woman was beyond her, but one thing was certain she wasn't about to spend another minute without her.


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: I am so sorry about the delay but work seemed to think it needs to take priority with all the side jobs I just had to pull. I have one more 60 hour work week and then hopefully with any luck everything will go back to normal. I want to thank everyone for reading and following this story. You guys are amazing.**

* * *

Rollins, where is she?" Alex asked as she stormed into the bull pen not bothering to project a calm demeanor.

"Crib," Rollins answered looking up and smiling at the blonde.

"How bad?" Alex asked setting her briefcase down next to Rollins desk.

"Do you remember the case of Hector Rodriguez?"

"Yeah, they got the case about a year before I started with the unit. It involved a young boy who was kidnapped and everyone believed his father had kidnapped him and took him back to Cuba after changing his appearance."

"Well, rest assured, his father did not kidnap him and take him to Cuba, we found his body this afternoon in a basement buried under concrete."

"Oh no," Alex whispered as tears began to spring to her eyes.

"Yeah, Olivia and Amaro had to go and tell the mother."

"She is beating herself up over it because she knew that the father didn't take him, but no one would believe her."

"Right."

"Has she broken anything or yelled yet?"

"No, she came in told Captain that she was right all along and stormed off up the stairs. I thought it would be best to call you as soon as she slammed the door to the crib."

"I appreciate it, Rollins," Alex said as she headed for the stairs, "No matter what you hear, we're good, okay?"

"Got it, counselor."

"Liv," Alex said as she carefully opened the door.

"Go away, Alex."

"That's not going to happen and you know that," Alex said calmly as she shut the door behind her, "Want to talk?"

"No, I don't and you can go down and tell that little blonde bitch that if I wanted to talk to you I would have called you myself."

"Who says she called me?" Alex asked moving closer to Olivia

"Because Fin isn't here and Amaro doesn't have your number."

"Cragen is here and he has my number."

"He knows better," Olivia huffed out.

"Liv, they're worried about you."

"What's to worry about? I was right thirteen years ago. So, for ten years, this mother had held out hope that her son was alive and well with his father. FOR THIRTEEN YEARS and it's my fault!"

"How do you see it as your fault?" Alex asked sitting beside Olivia.

"Because I gave up when everyone told me to, I knew in my gut that there was more to the case and I still didn't fight them on it."

"You were a rookie with SVU when this case hit, what did you expect?"

"I should have fought harder, forced them to keep looking," Olivia said as she ran her hand through her hair.

"Honey, no one was going to listen to you at that point. You had not proven yourself or made a name for yourself you can't carry the blame."

"THAT'S A LIE," Olivia screamed as she jumped up, "MUNCH WAS LEAD!"

"Munch, being the lead detective, felt that all the evidence pointed to a parental abduction. You are not to blame."

"Tell that to his mother," Olivia cried as she began to pace the room, "Do you know what it's like to have to tell a mother to give up hope her son is dead?"

"No, I've never had to tell a mother that her child is dead, but I know what a mother looks like when she's given up hope."

"HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW?" Olivia asked as she got in Alex's face.

"Sam Cavanaugh," Alex responded calmly, "Remember him?"

"Alex, you weren't to blame for his attempted suicide," Olivia said, taking a deep breath trying to calm herself.

"Just like you aren't to blame for Hector's death either," Alex pointed out.

"He could still be alive if I hadn't given up."

"Olivia, you and I both know that he was dead within three hours of his kidnapping. There was nothing you could of have done that would have kept him alive."

"That's my point, there was nothing I could have done, NOTHING," Olivia screamed as she spun and threw her badge against the wall, "I'm done.'

"Fine, Olivia," Alex said jumping to her feet, "Give up twenty years of work over one case. Stand there and say you haven't made a difference and nothing matters."

"What good is it if I can't bring home one kid, Alex?"

"Why don't you ask the little boy you brought home safe and sound this afternoon? What about all the victims you have helped bring closure to and brought their rapists to justice? What about all the children you have helped after a trusted family member or friend has molested them? What about them?"

"Alex," Olivia started to say, but stopped when Alex placed her finger on her lips to stop her from talking.

"Honey, you have always taken each and every case you work personal and this one is no different. It just hits harder because it involves a child."

"It made me think of Madison," Olivia said dropping her head and falling back on the bed, "What if it had been her and I couldn't have saved her? What, then?"

"Olivia, you can't look at every case you work as if it was Madison, if you do you will burn out quickly and you know it. To save yourself and your sanity, you have to distance yourself emotionally from every case."

"I was standing there when she opened the door and she knew, Alex. She knew by the look on our faces that he was dead and do you know what she said? Please let me have a few more minutes to pretend that he's still alive. When she said that, I put myself in her shoes and someone was knocking on our door to tell us that Madison was dead. It took all I had not to break down and walk away without telling her. I can't keep doing this."

"Then, what do you want to do?" Alex asked as she sat next to Olivia again and placed her hand on her knee, "Because whatever it is I will support you one hundred percent."

"I don't know."

"Let's make a deal, then. We leave for vacation on Saturday and you will be off for two weeks. Take that time to relax and think about it. Don't make any rash decisions right now because your emotions are running high. When you come back from vacation make your decision, okay?"

"If I decide to walk away?"

"I don't care if you stay or walk away, as long as it's what you want to do, on your terms."

"Okay," Olivia said releasing the breath she had been holding, "I can work with that."

"Good, I'm glad," Alex said smiling as she stood and held her hands out for Olivia, "Now, let's go home take a hot shower, eat a decent meal, and get a good night's sleep.

Olivia smiled as she stood and allowed Alex to lead her from the building. It was times like these that she was thankful she was no longer alone and had someone to confide in. More importantly, she was thankful that that someone was Alex.


End file.
